Elishavet Elroi

@grcr

Ooo, excerpts. Thank you for sharing! I like this Blair and Shannon. (Poetry, huzzah!)

I also relished the way you incorporated the poem he was reading into the opening. When the poem stopped and the dialogue began, it was like when the curtains on a stage are first pulled back.

I do agree that the descriptions were a little hard to get…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

Wow. XD Hugo seems to have a habit of expressing himself too creatively for clarity. XD

Thanks for sharing! I shall now reference the poor ketchup bottle in vaguely shared humor at the first opportunity.

Oh, in actual years, Tripkin and Dalton are more like seven years old… I think? They measure time differently, and can live an unnaturally long time(for real squirrels).

@godlyfantasy12

Mine walk sometimes on their hind legs, but run on all fours. (If a squirrel runs. XD I’m not sure what the right word for ground flying is.) If anyone has read Mistmantle, they’re a lot like that. (very animal like, but also of course, able to do things real squirrels can’t.)

Tripkin is around twelve, come to think of it, and…[Read more]

Okay, here’s the entry. Y’all’s characters sound like such fun!

Because of my Squiggle Things small size, the normal/slightly choppy conditions write like Euroclydon. XD

Tripkin

“High side!” The words tore from his throat in two rough syllables. His dark furred friend flung himself up the tipping slope to join Tripkin.

Their raft evened out.…[Read more]

Dalton

Treeknife. It’s what he is and what he will be as far down the road as he can see. It was a Treeknife that found him as a tiny kit, and it was a Treeknife who raised him up to be the squirrel he is. Oakorn was everything – a father, a mentor, and a friend. Little does Dalton realize, he was everything to that old Treeknife in return: a…[Read more]

@koshka

Ahoy! Count me in.

*Is subscribing*

@grcr

Realistic is great! I like to stick to that route per usual. I am intrigued by these uniforms though; how are they powerful? in what ways? What do they look like?

Lol, yes!! I need a cloak too! My siblings and I always try to make medieval clothes but we have never succeeded.

Medieval clothing is beautimous. It’s very simple too (or at…[Read more]

@grcr

Greetings and welcome to the Kingdom of Pen! I’m called Elishavet around here, and I write medieval fantasy too, as well as the random poem, flash fiction, and well, randomness.

So how fantastic is your book world? I have two main WIPs which are neither of them magical – although one does have some fantastic elements like fire captured in…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Thanks for the notes, it helps.

But as for your excerpt, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE BABY?

I mean, I guess he assumes silence and thus saves the lives of those he can. Or at least I hope he is able to because something tells me the guilt associated with “betraying” someone else would be the worst kind of torment to…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Narnia? O.O My native land!!!

Peter and Lucy were always my favorites, but I love all the Pevensie siblings. And a whole bunch of other characters like Caspian the Tenth, Puddleglum, Aravis, Shasta, Rilian, Glimfeather, Reepicheep, Digory, Emeth, Jewel, Trumpkin…..(is it really possible to name them all?)

Nevertheless, my…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Thank You!!! It’s an experiment. 😉

Is there anything you liked/thoughts/suggestions?

And yes, I think she is turning to kidnapping. XD

@koshka

Awww, thank you! For reading! My crazy opening! And liking it!

I’m glad you think so. Although I think there are some snotty Alwin chapters ahead. *Wry laugh*

Yes of course. That dreaded next chapter. Don’t worry, it will get worse. 😁😅

@hybridlore

Thank you! That means so much. I’m still trying to figure out my writing voice – or at…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium (your were)

Thanks!! This is my second (third?) Try at the opening.

@koshka @sunny421 @freedomwriter @godlyfanrasy @joycalle …iforgotyourtag @Idon’tknowwhototag

Hi everyone! I know I’ve been floating about in shadowy silence, so I’m sorry if I haven’t commented on some of y’all’s excellent work. Maybe I’ll be able to go back and give some thoughts as I’ve really enjoyed reading them.

Anyway, now that long and…[Read more]

@godlyfantasy12

I love the idea that “bad magic” is essentially rebellion against the Light, manipulating what was originally made to be a beautiful thing into a dark and twisted thing. It’s very good. If you’ve ever read Jack Zulu and the Waylander’s Key, you will have read one of my recent favorite books that addresses this in it’s themes. At…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Wow.

I love underground church stories, and that was with your beloved characters! A little quick of a turning, but still,

Wow.

I like this Peter. Thank you for sharing!

@light-warrior-pen

Pet peeves? On romance? Neveeerrrrrr.

Actually, what @whalekeeper and @esther-c said. XD

Also, it’s probably connected, but when she is so determined to “stick with him” that she puts everyone in danger. Like when he gives her instructions to stay safe and she blatantly disregards them just to “be brave”. It just comes across…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Leon trimmed his beard? With A RAZOR BLADE? *Gasps*

Don’t you know what the Sanhedrin would say? *Is scandalized*

Just kidding. 😂😂Sorry, little Talmud/Biblical culture nerd over here. 😂😂😂😅 It just tickled me when I read the beginning. (Which is good. I needed a laugh.) (Yes, I get this is the twentieth century, not the…[Read more]