@highscribeofaetherium
Active 20 hours, 53 minutes ago- Rank: Chosen One
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Here’s the things I thought of after my first readthrough. They may be slightly random.
1. I think the worldbuilding and magic system is introduced in understandable amounts (though I already knew some things about the magic system so I may not be the best judge)
b. It’s very engaging to read and if I picked this up in a bookstore and read the first chapter (a thing which I do not do, but whatever) I’d definitely want to keep reading.
III. I’d like to know what the architecture looks like a bit more aside from having red roofs and the tower being marble, because the red roofs make me think of Venice or something which probably isn’t accurate. But I don’t think that’s necessarily something
4. You used the word ‘quiet’ two sentences in a row in paragraph 3 or something. I noticed it right away and you might want to replace one of them.
5. I thought that the dialogue during Lyren’s trial got a tad repetitive. I might read it again to see what I think a second time.
f. Question, is it pronounced Leer-en or Lie-ren? Or something else?
VII. I’m going to need you to write the next chapter now.
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I love how everyone who meets Ral has an instant dislike for him as soon as he opens his mouth XD I find it very amusing
Lol I’ll need to go read some of the other characters’ encounters.
Acharis
Acharis paused for a moment before following. His fingers closed around his sword. Just in case.
He didn’t speak. Asking questions would make him look desperate for information, and he didn’t want to give the creature anything to leverage against him. He still wasn’t convinced that its intentions were not malicious.
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Acharis
A voice rang out, sounding unnaturally loud against the surrounding quiet. Acharis slid his mask back down as the… thing? stepped out of the shrubbery, spouting some nonsense about humans being ugly.
Look who’s talking, Acharis thought as he studied it through eyes that were narrowed in suspicion. His hand shifted closer to the hilt of his kirita but he refrained from drawing it. It didn’t look particularly dangerous, but there was something about the creature that Acharis did not like.
It finished talking and waited for him to reply. Acharis did not speak immediately, but continued to watch it, sorting through what it had said.
He thought, what is a goat?
He said, “Trip? I have no idea what you are talking about. You will explain.”
***
I think that this interaction is going to make Acharis go absolutely insane XD
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I’m curious to know if this guy is going to be a problem for the other characters or if he’ll behave in a group setting.
He should be fine but we shall see. He’s not used to working with people.
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FOUR? Oh my 🤣
He starts out against the protagonists for other reasons but as the story progresses he moves down the spectrum a bit towards the evil side. At this point he’s probably somewhere in between.
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Ok, I finished my RP.
I’m sorry it’s so long, I was having too much fun and just kept going. Since it has no bearing on anyone else I won’t be offended if you don’t read it lol.
Acharis
The King of Acharis found himself face down in a patch of earthy moss.
He did not wake up. His eyes were not heavy nor were his muscles stiff, and he did not remember being asleep or unconscious. But events that should have been recent in his memory seemed strangely distant, like he had been asleep for a long time. And he had no idea where he was.
He easily pushed himself upright, pieces of moss clinging to his mask, and looked around. The air around him was clogged with a heavy white fog, just as damp as the moss and hardly easier to see through. It was impossible to tell what hour of the day it was. The sky was completely smothered by the haze. Acharis began to pace, trying to ascertain his surroundings.
After a few minutes he determined that he was in some sort of courtyard. It was small and very nearly met the definition of ruins. The only exit was a crumbling archway set in one of the walls. The walls themselves were partially pulled apart by vines and covered in lichen. In the center of the courtyard sat a small pool with a statue made of pale stone rising from the center. Acharis was less interested in the subject of the statue than he was in the stone itself. He reached across the water to touch it and found it too smooth to be from any quarry he knew of. The only pure white stone was too pitted to be so highly polished.
What is this place?
He sank into a cross-legged position next to the water and closed his eyes in thought. It seemed to him that there were only three possible explanations for his situation. Either he had been abducted, he was dreaming, or he was dead.
If I’ve been abducted that means that I was sedated for the entire trip to… wherever I am now. Acharis thought. Unlikely. It would have taken days, probably weeks. Plus, it made no sense to kidnap someone just to leave them in some overgrown courtyard.
It was far more likely that he was dreaming. It’s strange enough to be a dream. But am I thinking too clearly to be asleep? Acharis decided that yes, he was, at least for it to be an ordinary dream. And in the… other kind there’s always two people with me.
He had ruled out abduction and dreaming. That left the third option. He was dead.
Acharis saw nothing to prove that he was not dead. He had never been dead before, so he didn’t know what it was like, and it seemed the most reasonable option, at least at the moment. Opening his eyes he lifted his head and looked around. If this was the afterlife he couldn’t help but feel somewhat underwhelmed.
At this point he realized just how quiet it was. The silence was deep and unsettling. But not nearly as disturbing as the silence in his own head.
His mind had been so flooded with his own confused thoughts that he had not noticed it until that moment. Forcing himself to remain calm, Acharis reached up and slipped the mask off his face. And released a breath. The sound was very faint, quieter than a whisper or the rustle of cloth. But it was there.
As he moved to replace his mask he noticed the mud and bits of moss smeared across it. He rinsed it in the pool, deliberately not looking at his reflection in the water, and dried it on his cape. Instead of placing it back over his face he set it on top of his head, angled down slightly. He didn’t want to lose the whispers in his mind. If he found another person he could put it back quickly enough.
Staying in the courtyard wasn’t going to bring him any closer figuring out whether he really was dead or not, so Acharis stood, walked the short distance to the archway, and slipped through.
***
I didn’t used to feel so self-conscious about RPs. How far I have fallen.
Now I’m going to read some of the recent RPs so I can figure out what on earth is happening lol
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It was rather diabolical of me to make my tag so long and complicated 😅 in my defense it was my first time on any kind of social media so I had no idea what in the world I was doing lol.
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Idk who to tag so I guess I’ll just tag everyone in the RP…
@rae @whalekeeper @loopylin @godlyfantasy12 @keilah-h @i-think-that’s-everyone?Okkkkkkk… I think I’ve decided on my character. Maaaaaaaaybeeee…
…I think I will add one of the antagonists from my current project.
I hate writing character descriptions.
Acharis (the ‘ch’ makes a ‘k’ sound)
Acharis is tall(ish) with very pale skin and black hair threaded with white. He wears a mask that has some slightly wolfish and draconic features (yes, it is a coincidence that he has a mask. They must be in style lol). He has a black cape with a white vine-like pattern. His shirt is loose and covered by a wrap that goes halfway up his chest. Over that he wears a long garment kind of like a coat. He is pragmatic, cold, and obsesses over details. He’ll act nice enough until he’s given a reason not to.
He also has a sword cause swords are nift.
Also, not that important, but just to avoid confusion if I mention it in my RPs, Acharis hears sounds in his head (normally not intelligible words). Since he isn’t in his world they will be very faint, and not audible at all with the mask on (which suppresses them).
I started an RP but I don’t have time to finish it right now, I’ll probably finish it tomorrow morning.
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Great! I’m still deciding between two characters, but once I do I’ll write a quickly bio and introduction RP.
Is there just one group right now or multiple?
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Hey guys! Now that school’s over I’d like to be on KP more. Mind if I add a character?
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@savannah_grace2009
It’s interesting and seems well thought out. I really like the detail of the Erstonian court voting on one of the King’s brothers if the prince isn’t 21. Things like that make by brain excited for some reason lol.Is Wadsat involved in the conflict at all?
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Ooh, this is a fun idea!
Idk how I’m supposed to choose five but here’s what came to mind.
At Last the King (the Gray Havens)
Ordinary Miracle (the Gray Havens)
Hideaway (the Wildwoods)
The Graduate (the Arcadian Wild)
Shoulders (the Arcadian Wild)
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Merry couple days late Christmas guys!
My dad got a fruitcake at a white elephant exchange but we haven’t eaten it yet. It looks very… damp.
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