Liberty

@aranel

Sorry I’m late to the greeting party.

Call me Ru or Ruee. I’m a stubborn blue-eyed girl who has way too many characters, and story ideas swirling around in her head.

Questions…

1 what genre do you like to write?

2 how do you pronounce the word ‘pecans?’

3 do you like horses? If so, what’s your favorite gait?

4 what’s your WIP…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I like that a lot better! It’s really up to you, though. Rae had some good feedback!

@savannah_grace2009 @esther-c @whoever (I never know who to tag.)

NAHIM

Everyone before had seemed to see him as some scary monster with that sword in his hand, and when he had tried to cut down the door it had gotten worse.

Now he had let his sword dangle limp from its usual place on his belt. He had set his helmet beside himself on the floor,…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I must be as blind as a bat!

Okay, I just read your revision of that last part and…I am never allowing you to change it. I have not had the same expierances as Sef, but I see myself in her. Sara, you’ve got this.

@savannah_grace2009

I get what you mean by clunky, I often feel like I have the same problem. Thses are the parts I think are the most in need of a little bit…

The air was pleasantly cold, nipping the tip of Sef’s nose as she walked in step with Lilitu. The sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet as they walked gave her a pleasant t…

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@savannah_grace2009

Aw, thanks! I love their friendship, too. I want to set up some more scenarios with the two of them.

@trailblazer

Yayy! Looks good! I don’t mind the summary kind of telling, I think it works well for this story.

@savannah_grace2009 @hybridlore

It’s been a bit since I posted more of my story, so here’s the next little bit. It’s a little fragmented and summary-ish in spots, but it’s what I’ve got lol.

As the fall months passed, Bert Hawley began courting Clara. Clara’s mood brightened considerably, and she willingly did household chores and helped in t…[Read more]

@loopylin

Sorry about the paragraphs, I have gone through and shortened them after people mentioned it. it should be easier to follow now.

Um…really whatever strikes you as needs changing. I often get comments from my friends like “It’s good.” “I really like it.” et cetera et cetera. Honestly, I get tired of hearing that, so if you got some…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

The only thing I thought of was how quickly it seemed to drop off at the end. Were you planning to continue their conversation after the flashback in that same chapter, or in a different chapter? To me, it sort of felt like their conversation should continue after the flashback. Ending with the flashback felt very abrupt, and…[Read more]

@esther-c

That’s okay! Thank you!

@hybridlore

I can’t really think of anything right now, but I’ll definitely think it over and get back to you on it!

@mineralizedwritings

I think Katrin needs a goal. even if it isn’t the typical dystopian goal about overtoppleing the government. She can also pursue one goal, then realize she has to reach even higher if you really want to push the climax. Maybe that’s when she gets a little help from side characters, or remembers the things she has learned ove…

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@rae

Sounds good!! I love your style, btw. It’s fresh and unique. 😊

@savannah_grace2009

I don’t think it’s too clunky. There may be a few places where it could be made a little smoother, but I’m not sure how to fix that. 😅 If this is just your first or second draft, then I think it’s definitely fine how it is. 🙂

@thearcaneaxiom

I agree with Min and Jonas on everything they said. Resolve of the character will balance the unresolved political structure.However there’s still a lot of things you could do to end it differently. For one thing, most dystopias almost never talk about what happens after they take down the government. They need to reestablish e…

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@grcr

Thank you!

Also, @savannah_grace2009 I was gonna ask, how does she know that Lilitu dreamed exactly what happened to her before he even describes what happens?

@savannah_grace2009

I didn’t really notice it seeming clunky! I like the part where she’s thinking back to playing pretend with her friends, it’s so sweet.

Personally, for the flashback part, I think I would leave it out and give more of like a summary, sort of like:

She knew that this was no ordinary dream. And not just because of his reaction.…

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@freedomwriter76

Nice!

@savannah_grace2009

Yep! Here’s one I made for my WIP a while ago! Hopefully this doesn’t post twice, lol.