Liberty

@savannah_grace2009

*sighs in relief* Okay because I was panicking after I posted and then you posted that you really liked the fountain scene…I felt sooo bad lol

I think we were posting over each other… like I didn’t see your comments until after I posted.

@savannah_grace2009

It did that to me the other day… where all the profile pics disappeared and then the format was all crazy. But like you said it fixed itself pretty quickly.

@ellette-giselle

Ok I love what @savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could maybe still incorporate that later- maybe not the swordfighting, but perhaps during their conversation they’re sitting outside and the teasing turns into wrestling…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Awesome!! I’m glad you like the new beginning!

I should have chapter two out here in a few.

Oh good idea. I’ll do that with the thought thing.

@ellette-giselle

Just now saw your updated version- I love that fountain scene at the beginning! It made me smile because I can easily see my brothers doing that!

Julius inwardly berated himself for failing in such a simple thing.

This is just something I thought of as I was reading through- maybe instead of telling us Julius inwardly berated…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ooo!!! I like Freedom already!!! I love really sad scenes and doing bad things to characters. It’s all for a purpose of course, and it needs to be done. But…… it’s also fun to watch readers cry. lol.

@trailblazer

Ok, thanks! Haha, maybe my brothers and their friends are more wild, but it’s younger or older brother annoying each other around here. lol.

What did you think of the rewrite? was that better? I tried to make a few things a little clearer and also add some action in the beginning. If you still think it doesn’t build enough action…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

However, if Marcus came off as too young in y’all’s opinion then I can tone him down into a more mature guy. what do y’all think?

Hmm… I do have two younger brothers who are teenagers, but maybe they’re more chill than other guys their age. They do pick on each other and get on each other’s nerves, but in the case of someo…[Read more]

OK, I went ahead and rewrote some stuff in the first chapter. is this better? (I put the new stuff in bold so y’all don’t have to read the whole chapter over again.)

 
Chapter 1
Julius ducked a blow aimed for his head. He jumped back a step as his opponent quickly followed up the swipe with a thrust toward his chest. The enemy stumbled slightly…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yes. All the blog posts. sorry for the confusion. lol.

YAY!!! I thought I’d give that a shot and see if that was what y’all meant for me to do. Now that i see it was and how easy it is I bet y’all were laughing because I was making it so over complicated. lol.

@ellette-giselle

Hey, look at that! You tagged someone! Yay!

I think you’re saying you read all the blog posts, correct? Not all the posts in the forums- because that would take an insane amount of time.

WOW!! Thank you all! This is so helpful!

OK, I’ll mention the thing about the gods first. So, in the time of Nero things were starting to slip. There were many, many slaves who had come from wars, and a lot of their religion, or lack thereof, had started to rub off. There were several emperors after Nero who wanted to “reclaim the glory of…[Read more]

@freed_and_redeemed

Yes, even all the “cringy posts” Which I actually didn’t find a tone of “cringy” ones. I was reading stuff back from 2010 or 2011, depending on when Kingdom Pen started. I actually fell for whoever’s April fools joke it was to say that Kingdom Pen was closing down!! I was reading and it was saying that this had been closed…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Chase

Chase slowly nodded. “O-okay.” After a couple minutes, he lifted his head out of his hands, and stared curiously at Sef’s shoulder. “L-little b-bird like your har, hair.” In the shadow of her hair, the bright-colored bird pruned himself, before settling down as if going to rest. “Y-you’re s-safe place.”

@freed_and_redeemed

You also cause a certain girl over here to worry about Riker for way longer than she should…btw, he, Leon and Hans need a chocolate chip cookie.

You also made me cry when I heard Hans actually did die…without redemption.

And I was really sympathizing and connecting with Leon in the scene when Isabel got sick…him…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Chase

Chase looked again into her eyes, his own’s color slowly fading away to a grey-green. “O-Okay,” he finally answered, letting out a breath. To be honest, he wasn’t sure exactly what to think of a good father. The only man who he had ever trusted was Dr. Beren. Chase suddenly leaned forward, laying his head gently in his hands.

@theducktator

That last one is great XD

Can you imagine the look the librarian would give you over her eyeglasses! “When I was your age we tried to help the neighborhood, not destroy it. Go read To Kill a Mockingbird and make good use of your time.”

@savannah_grace2009

Chase

Chase stared into Sef’s eyes, his aching foggy brain trying to process what she had said. His headache was returning, and with it came that frustration of being unable to understand a concept that’s been explained to you in very simple terms. Then it all broke through the clouds. His eyes brightened. “Oh!” But then they…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

That’s awesome! We don’t have chores to do our at ours, but we do get points for picking up any trash we find.

The directors inspect the cabins and sometimes you get extra points for your team if your cabin is clean enough! Either that, or the cleanest cabin goes first in the lunch line.

You have cabin inspection every day? We…[Read more]

@calyhuge

Also I have this weird thing where it’s first person, but from Kate’s perspective, even though I’m a guy, and I can’t really help it so we’re stuck with it

If it makes you feel better, I’m a girl who likes doing stuff from a guy’s perspective, first or third person. I don’t think it’s weird most the time, it’s just writers being wri…[Read more]