Sunny421

It KP acting really weird for anyone else? I can only access the forum via my notifications, and then only specific pages.

@overcomer

Ooo, I do prefer Ending Verse #4. It continues in the same voice as the preceding poem, while resolving the whole thing in a smooth switch of tone. (If that made any sense)

I think it would benefit from a little more structure, it need not be much more than you already have.

But that’s all according to the artist’s interpretation. It…[Read more]

@overcomer

Ooo, I like this poem.

I’m not the most amazing of a poet, but I’ll post any polishing I can think of in a bit.

Thanks for sharing!

AhA!! I have found it!

And now I consider.

*Thoughtful crickets*

Very nice. Are you going to share more soon? Because…

BWAHAHAHA

=)

@freedomwriter76

GAHHH…

That poor dear. He’s in a mess that just keeps getting messier.

*Nods*

Well done! I understood what was going on even though you never said “it may be infected” or something like that. And the rising angst and suspense…I can’t wait to see what happens next.

@freedomwriter76 @smiley

Jayson

Shy: being reserved or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people. The look on the girl’s face, Eleanor?, wasn’t exactly what I would call timidity. More…fear, fear that would rather stab me than shake my hand.

“Ah, that’s alright, I’ve been there before. Good to meet you, sirs.” I nodded to…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76 @smiley
Eleanor. XD
Jayson

“Who are you?!”

Civilians. Great. No firearms necessary. I latched my watch back on my wrist and scrunched my eyebrows at the young lady. Faint British accent, over aggressive manner. Probably scared out of her witts if I had learned anything in Psyc.

Raphael slid his hands in his pockets with a sma…[Read more]

Note: we are still sorting out Raphael’s family history/denomination, so, besides knowing that they’re very observant, that’s kinda in the air. While he does end up messianic, he’s not quite there yet.

@freedomwriter76 @smiley

These two are written in a style that is way not my usual limited omniscient view, part of the reason they’re now joining this castle. So if the voice jumps around a bit, blame Jay.

Jayson Barans

Long gloomy halls after long muggy stairways. Just a few minutes in this place and the dark ages were making a lot more…[Read more]

@smiley @freedomwriter76

Alright, first quick descriptions.

Jayson Barans

Appearance: 5′ 10″, wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, lightly suntanned caucasian. 17 years of age.

Nationality: Canadian American. {Polish, Native, English, Irish.

Pastimes: cross country running, martial arts, books, viola, parkour, firearms.

Religion: Apostolic…[Read more]

@overcomer

Beautiful. The way you used layered meanings of words is making me want to get my violin out and sing. I love the ambiguous speaker who could be just anyone; you, me, a fairy child…it makes my imagination shiver.

I don’t have any real critiques, but as I just ran across this two months after it was posted, I suppose that doesn’t…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76 @smiley

Ahh, good. *Sigh* At least he doesn’t break your reader’s hearts too much.

Also, and this is random, but I just love the name Yosef. It’s one of those names that just feels perfect.

*Contemplates whether these two would help calm anything.*

*Crickets*

The more I think about this, would y’all mind if I did add…[Read more]

*a stalker appears from the shadows*

@freedomwriter76 @smiley

Isaiah lost SON? You Killed Judah? 0_0

And Eleanor…what has your author done to you?

*Glances at characters*

*Contemplates inserting two in this sadly mistreated group*

Okay, completely unconnected, and I’ll disappear after this because I have never read KotLC, but…

If elves are vegetarian, why do they hunt deer in the Hobbit?

I mean, I am the person who has never seen the movies and despite not living under a rock still clings to a black haired, green eyed Legolas. I have also only read two stories from the…[Read more]

@mineralizedwritings

It’s definitely been a while! A lot of things have conspired to keep me off KP. (Mainly College and Bible Quizzing) I’m still here though. How have you been?

Thank you, I await thy assessment in eagerness.

@freedomwriter76 @koshka @sunny421 @godlyfantasy12 @Idon’tknowwho @anyone

So I’ve finally managed to write the rough draft for the opening scene of book one of project Heirs of Ashes. I desperately need thoughts and critiques on it, and ideas for the plot. Really just anything will probably help.

For those who don’t know, HoA is an ad…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

I’m dumbfounded. This story is getting heartwrenching. (Which is, I suppose the equivalent of saying, “good job!” XD)

I do find it interesting how you are contrasting two different alcoholics. It foreshadows trouble if Leon doesn’t find healing and repentance. •_•

Let’s see….

Trippin

Silence reigned over the shore. The waves boke with muted care upon the rocks, and the wind watched them flee away listlessly. Even the birds in the trees on the bluff above only dared to whisper. But then again, the best gossip is shared under one’s breath.

The best gossip, like a new addition of matchwood to the…[Read more]

@rae

Oh, he’s really fascinating! I enjoy how his backstory is intertwined with his present.

Does his scarring play a half symbolic role? For instance, I also have a character who bears intense burn scars from an incident when he was a child. (Although they’re on his hands, feet, and neck [the burns on his face were light and did not scar])…[Read more]

Wow. It’s been a bit since my last post on here.

The twins.

The island was silent but for the crashing waves and the distant music of wind in trees. Zlatan blinked up at the crescent moon, pale in the star cast sky.

“The lady smiles tonight.” Vulka’s voice was low. His brother rumbled in agreement. A soft murmur of some fluttering night bird…[Read more]