Loopy

@theshadow

I really like this chapter! Everything critical I was going to say @hybridlore already covered.

I really enjoy these characters. I like how Jack sticks up for his sister, and I’m eager to find out what happens and where Elina got her scar!

make sure to keep tagging me because I’m really enjoying this.

and those girls giving her a h…[Read more]

@theshadow

Sorry it took me a day to get back to you. Even though you said you didn’t like this first chapter much, I think it has potential. It introduces the characters and their world pretty well. It is a very short chapter. Is that normal throughout the book, or is this the exception? It’s fine to have shorter chapters, but I think it might…[Read more]

@esther-c Gotcha! A P.S. would be fun, but it might lessen the impact of the ending, so it depends on what you do. As it is right now, it doesn’t scream “actual letter” to me. It’s kind of like a thank-you-note (not exactly, but I don’t know how else to explain it.) or just a note. With a word count as short as yours, that’s fine, but maybe it’d…[Read more]

@theshadow hmmmm….Interesting! we’ll have to see where it goes.

My drawing from two days ago turned into a sort of comic. My favorite part is for some reason the feathers flying around the sound effect.

I was gonna say “slight unrealistic blood warning” then I realized my camera barely picked it up lol

Gonna use it as an illustration for my fic, specifically this scene:

…we sprinted past the window,…

[Read more]

@loopylin yesss I remember those!!

@theshadow lol they’re nothing like each other but hey, that works.

@the_lost-journal funny enough I don’t find those guy names ugly.

They make me think of grumpy old men, but not necessarily in an “ugly” kinda way.

@the_lost-journal awww that’s cute!

@ellette-giselle @keilah-h @hybridlore @the_lost-journal

Okay, well here’s the first chapter. I’m not a huge fan of it, but the other draft first chapter wasn’t great either. So critiques are definitely appreciated.

Chapter 1

“You ever wondered what it would be like to leave Rosen?”

Elina’s eyebrows shot up, “Why? Do you intend to?”
“I…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Thanks, it’ll be a little creepy, though it’s not the main focus.

@keilah-h

Lol thank you.

@the_lost-journal

🤨

@keilah-h

Cool, lol. I’ll probably have him in the back of my mind now every time I write with my Emmerich XD.

@liberty

Sounds good.

@hybridlore

It looks great! This was a cool idea. I think you did a good job inserting a theme into such a tiny paragraph. Out of curiosity, how much do you have left in the word count?

Thanks!! Oh yes, that was so hard! I was going to keep it lighthearted and goofy, and then I was like, Hold on. And tried something a little different. 😛

Ummm… a…[Read more]

@the_lost-journal

Wow, that was creepy. I guess I don’t like horror. But it was pretty well-written, I think. It was cool how you tied the ending into the beginning.

If you want feedback faster in the future, I would tag people, otherwise your post gets buried underneath all the other topics and we have to go scrolling for it. Although, if you e…[Read more]

@theducktator

Lolol! I would ask @jonas since he’s the leader of the Adventure one. I don’t know who’s in charge of the others… I’m sure @whalekeeper would know.

@esther-c

It looks great! This was a cool idea. I think you did a good job inserting a theme into such a tiny paragraph. Out of curiosity, how much do you have left in the word count?

Also, are you planning to add a name at the top?

@linus-smallprint

i really love the direction.

character development seems good and solid. But it’s hard to know that from just reading an outline.

again, it all depends on how you play it, but I was feeling Eustace and dragon change more than Kalmar and wolf. (Even though it is a wolf) I think you’re fine and should go for it. I can let you…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

I like this much better. I feel more comfortable, but it also plays into the allegory style better. (At least  in my opinion)

my only suggestion (besides fine combing because there were a few typos) is old be this paragraph.

I do not know what Alan thought as he used the spell, so instead of telling you that, let’s say he in…

[Read more]

That’s not my art btw…..lol

And this is them in “modern” times (that is, at the time the story takes place)

Kinda surprised no one threw in a joke about these guys aging badly. Apart from Old Heavy, at least, who’s not shown in this picture but basically looks like the version above with gray hair instead of black.