Liberty

@esther-c

Woops, sorry, that got posted to soon.

Anyways, as I was saying, I like it and you can tell Ami is good friends with Ev.

I don’t think you need an action opening, this introduces your characters nicely and captured me, which is what you want in a first chapter. From my gleaning of info on fist chapters, you want one, above all,…[Read more]

@esther-c

I like it. At some parts it made me laugh, and you definitely portrayed a healthy family (something I never say no to in books) and with the part about the donut and Ev…I was thinking how I would like my crush to do that! XD even though I’ve never had a donut before in my life, and am most likely allergic to it, I would eat it just…[Read more]

@jonas

Would you like to do the honors of chewing out Nahim and Zahlin, if @highscribeofaetherium is okay with it?

Btw the Queen’s presence is needed cuz she’s what they have for a healer, that and the obvious…

@highscribeofaetherium

Sorry it took so long, I didn’t know exactly what to write so whatever is there is what I’ve got.

@highscribeofaetherium

Nahim

Zahlin grasped his hand and pulled him up.

“Peace of Honor.” Nahim wasn’t going to say that you were supposed to grab the wrist, bu t it bothered him inside. He hung his sword off his belt as Zahlin slumped against the wall breathing heavily, blood coming from a few wounds. That was when Nahim himself realized he…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

Hold on…typing up RP’s now

@highscribeofaetherium

how do you guys write them so fast? 😅

When I get in a mood, it’s like doing freestyle in a speedo as fast as you can. I also had to type out a lot of things last year and I decided to just get used to typing in this age of tech. Believe me it used to take two minutes per sentence!

@jonas

Give me a few minutes to get my brain jogging…

@highscribeofaetherium

Is Zahlin going to answer or are you not sure you want them to have Peace of Honor?

(And yes, for the past week or so, I’ve been silently reading this topic)

@freedomwriter76

*I compose myself after reading something about Bucky*

My love of Bucky was so contagious I legit spread it to other people, ok? XD

You weren’t kidding. Though, it should be present tense and OVER THE INTERNET TO SOMEONE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!

Bucky pretended to topple over when they landed more blows of the…

[Read more]

Narsa Jeptune (I literally made that up on the spot)

Narsa has eyes that can change color, hair that can change color, skin that can change color…Okay, any part of her can change color. Originally, though, her neutral colors are black, thick stripes and accents of deep purple, with spots of poppy orange. She is a Slyiad, which is a name for a r…[Read more]

@jonas

Okay, I just have to figure out a good villain name…

@janellebelovedpig @highscribeofaetherium

Another piece I thought I’d share. I have no title for it, and would love suggestions!

Untitled

Rising voice to meet the sky,

“Live free or die!”

Upon the battlefield echoes the cry,

“Let your bullets fly!”

Mighty was the answering call,

Powerful was their charge as the gave their…[Read more]

@grcr

It is hard to say much without knowing much of your book, but I do agree with what Sara said as far as openings…

Ok! If you do wanna read the chapter, I posted it like two posts above this one.

I guess it depends on the reader, but personally, I like books that paint some of the picture in the first (and even second) chapter… even if it seem…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ugh, sorry you’re going through that! That’s hard!

Yeah, thanks. XD My NaNo WIP feels so much easier because it’s so new, lol.

Could you maybe post some segments of it so I can see more of what you mean?

I posted the first chapter in the post above this one.

All I can say is that maybe you’re focusing a little too much on all…

[Read more]

@rae

What’s the first paragraph of your book?

So, the first paragraph doesn’t have much info in it since it’s only a few lines, but I’ll share the original first chapter so you can see what I’m talking about. (Hopefully. XD) In a day or two, I’m hoping to have an alternate first chapter written, so I may share that just to see if y’all think…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Oof, those are hard questions. For the first one, I get what you mean. I think for the first chapter, an introduction is fine. Personally, I would try to focus on the relationship between Ami and Ev, and his family conflict, because I think that will hook the reader.

Yes, definitely. XDXD

Ok, yeah. I think I already have a few ideas…[Read more]

I really need to work on her character anyways