hybridlore

@savannah_grace2009 @hybridlore @vinagirl

OK, this segment is basically the farthest I’ve gotten in the story so far. Lmk if you have any suggestions for things that could happen from here on out!

That summer marked the beginning of a new season for me as Albert and I formally entered into a courtship. Albert walked me home from church nearly…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76 (thanks for the idea! 😝) @lightoverdarkness6 @smiley @mineralizedwritings @savannah_grace2009 @rae @grcr @whalekeeper @keilah-h @hybridlore

Okayyy! I’m copying Freedom, so you basically get to pick who you want to spend a day with. These are from different WIPs and I still don’t have as much as Freedom. (Does anyone really? &#x…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Hi hybridlore! It’s nice to meet you too! Can’t wait to get to know you, and I definitely already love it here! 😁

@hybridlore

Oh if you meant books 📚 then probably:

Halo the fall of Reach,  Halo first strike, and Brian’s Winter, or Hatchet!

@hybridlore

*defense

@hybridlore

Hi!

Fantastic!

I like adventure fiction books! More on war, and survival!

it’s about a group (or some groups) of warriors, in defiance of a land called Extroit!

@hybridlore

I’m actually hoping to one day revamp the story, change up a few things, and rewrite it. It has a lot of potential from what I’ve previously written, it just needs a little help. XD

@hybridlore

Thanks! Yeah, I know. So many new possibilities for the plot… 😈

😂😂

@grcr

Thank ya!

Oh no, you’re fine. I don’t know if there is much more to say. 😂

Tags!

@jonas @freedomwriter76 @savannah_grace2009 @highscribeofaetherium @hanako @whalekeeper @loopylin @lydibug @hybridlore @calyhuge @scoutfinch180 @power @esther-c @trailblazer @acancello @smiley @keilah-h

@hybridlore

Yeah it is, actually. 😂 I didn’t want to write about someone getting married so I chose adoption instead. XDD

@freedomwriter76 @lightoverdarkness6 @hybridlore @whalekeeper @mineralizedwritings @smiley @savannah_grace2009 @rae @grcr @anyone-else

Sooo… I was working on some “character-building” the past day or so, and I’ve fixed my MCs’ character arcs/internal conflicts to tie into the theme more and so I can write them better/more accurately. (With a l…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Of course! (:

@savannah_grace2009 @hybridlore @highscribeofaetherium @jonas @anyone

Ok, so I have bad writing, but my worst writing I deleted years ago!!! 😭 There was three chapters of a book I wrote on my parents computer when I was like 7, I tried to start a few books when I was 9/10/11, I had an almost completed book around 11, but I still have a book I…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Aww it’s cute! I actually like it! For some reason it reminds me of “A Series of Unfortunate Events” books. Idk why XD

@hybridlore

Yeah, that totally makes sense! And you’re welcome, I really enjoyed reading it!!

For buildup, I’m not quite sure. Maybe Mason has a big decision to make, and something about the king helps him make that decision? Or maybe to keep it more line with what you have so far, something big rests on the identity of the king?? I’d have to…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Okay, I’m finally here!! XD

So, I was digging pretty hard to find something to critique, so I’ll do my best…

“A hint of fear is smothered in the master’s gruff tone.” – why the fear?? Just because of the curfew?

I agree that it was pretty obvious the man was going to be the king.

In first person it’s really easy to use “is” a lo…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Thanks!!

@everyone

I CAN’T FEEL MY FACCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just got two teeth pulled…..AHHHHHHH!

@hybridlore

I like it!! I can’t really think of any thing else to add besides what the others have said. But there was one paragraph that I was a little confused at:

My gaze snaps back to the ground. The source of the voice stands beside me—a man, maybe in his thirties. From his clothes and his unshaved face, he appears to be a worker of some kin…

[Read more]

@hybridlore

Overall, it’s pretty good! Like Jonas said, I figured out right away who the king was, and I also recognized the allegorical elements pretty quickly, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

I also agree that the ending (as it was in your first post) was pretty abrupt and confusing. I think the changes you made helped!

The last thing…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Ohhh… that all makes sense. I was wondering if there was a biblical underpinning to this, with the name Jesse.

To me it wasn’t clear that he had been gone. Maybe I just missed that detail. If you make sure that’s clear, then I think it works.