Beth

@trailblazer

Ofc! I love stories with that kind of friendship…makes me miss my best friend, lol.

@esther-c @acancello @trailblazer @grcr @rae @mineralizedwritings

Ottoline

“Ottoline! Where are you?” Hugo’s voice echoed down the stairwell. His voice contained some sort of urgency. “Ottoline!” She heard his footsteps coming down the stairs. “There you are,” he sighed when he saw her and smiled his crooked smile that never failed to make…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

👀

@trailblazer

“I don’t want to lose you.” I was surprised to see tears welling in Etta’s eyes.

Aww, I love their friendship! This almost made me cry XD

I agree with Hybridlore, I don’t think the summary-type writing is a bad thing. It fits great with this story!

@esther-c @trailblazer

Yeah, it does end abruptly. I really don’t like this chapter, lol. I guess….more EDITING! SO MUCH FUN!!!! (not.)

@hybridlore

Maybe something like that? I mean, Lilitu already described what happened, sort of, and I feel like it gets a little graphic in the actual flashback part. But it’s really up to you, if you feel l…

[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yayy! Looks good! I don’t mind the summary kind of telling, I think it works well for this story.

@loopylin

Sorry about the paragraphs, I have gone through and shortened them after people mentioned it. it should be easier to follow now.

Um…really whatever strikes you as needs changing. I often get comments from my friends like “It’s good.” “I really like it.” et cetera et cetera. Honestly, I get tired of hearing that, so if you got some…[Read more]

@esther-c

That’s okay! Thank you!

@hybridlore

I can’t really think of anything right now, but I’ll definitely think it over and get back to you on it!

@mineralizedwritings

I think Katrin needs a goal. even if it isn’t the typical dystopian goal about overtoppleing the government. She can also pursue one goal, then realize she has to reach even higher if you really want to push the climax. Maybe that’s when she gets a little help from side characters, or remembers the things she has learned ove…

[Read more]

@rae

Sounds good!! I love your style, btw. It’s fresh and unique. 😊

@savannah_grace2009

I don’t think it’s too clunky. There may be a few places where it could be made a little smoother, but I’m not sure how to fix that. 😅 If this is just your first or second draft, then I think it’s definitely fine how it is. 🙂

@thearcaneaxiom

I agree with Min and Jonas on everything they said. Resolve of the character will balance the unresolved political structure.However there’s still a lot of things you could do to end it differently. For one thing, most dystopias almost never talk about what happens after they take down the government. They need to reestablish e…

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@grcr

Thank you!

Also, @savannah_grace2009 I was gonna ask, how does she know that Lilitu dreamed exactly what happened to her before he even describes what happens?

@savannah_grace2009

I didn’t really notice it seeming clunky! I like the part where she’s thinking back to playing pretend with her friends, it’s so sweet.

Personally, for the flashback part, I think I would leave it out and give more of like a summary, sort of like:

She knew that this was no ordinary dream. And not just because of his reaction.…

[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Nice!

@savannah_grace2009

Yep! Here’s one I made for my WIP a while ago! Hopefully this doesn’t post twice, lol.

@rae @hybridlore @mineralizedwritings @esther-c

I’ve been working on this chapter this morning…and it feels a little clunky to me. Do you guys have any input that you think would make it run smoother?

Chapter 14

The air was pleasantly cold, nipping the tip of Sef’s nose as she walked in step with Lilitu. The sound of leaves crunching b…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Do you have any moodboards?

@janellebelovedpig

Never mind I just checked and I wrote 586 words…NOT a thousand… (same thing, right? XD)