80sTrish

@rae

Cool! That’s a really cool concept. Crystal swords as an idea has always felt a little fantasy cliché to me, but the mechanic you built into it is actually really intriguing! It’s kind of like a memory metal (is that what it’s based off of), but it disappears instead of getting distorted, so that’s a really powerful material. Just make sure…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Yeah, I agree with the majority of what Jonas already said. Although I think smaller stories can have many prospective, but it has to be done right. I could think of a few examples, though most are more contemporary, but I’m sure there’s many fantastical. I think a cast of 5 or 6 is a fair enough amount that won’t be…[Read more]

Yeah, it’s odd. She wanted me to help her prep for NaNoWriMo:(

@savannah_grace2009

I like this chapter! My favorite part was how happy the robot got when he named her “Thing”.  that was great!

Lol! Thanks! I’m glad it seems to be producing an enjoyable dynamic between the two😂

Great chapter! The bounce between present and past tense was very conf…

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@hybridlore @jonas @highscribeofaetherium @kyronthearcanin @savannah_grace2009 @kathleenramm @spinner4him @lightoverdarkness6

(Uhhh, has anyone noticed that @sarafini has vanished? All her past posts say anonymous now… Did she just leave?)

Ok, here’s the third chapter! It may be the last I post of it for a while if at all, but we’ll…[Read more]

@rae

Ohh, cool topic! Can I share some of my fantasy weapons on here?

@aranel

OK, good to know. (I’d like to say I’m desensitized to depressing books after reading the Silmarillion, but it’s probably untrue, lol.)

I haven’t read the Silmarillion, but I know the majority of the stories, and it’s a very different kind of dark and cynical, but feel free to look into it, I still recommend the first to anyone.

At the e…

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@whalekeeper

Hey Whale, thanks for taking the time to explain! Yeah, I wasn’t looking for a lot, a simple few words to say your busy or something is better than simply disappearing inexplicably, so thanks for setting a moment of your time aside to say that.

I’m really sorry to hear about your mother. That’s really gotta be hard for your family.…[Read more]

@kathleenramm

Sorry for suddenly going mia for a bit, one of my co-workers got sick so I had a few unexpected shifts this week and haven’t been able to get online until now!

Anyway, good to be back again, yet again!

That’s totally fine, sorry if I was spamming you at all. Welcome back again!

A two-year missions trip is a pretty big undertaking! A…

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@savannah_grace2009

Well, the Traitor normally specializes in the UNIT and has virtually nothing to do with the prison block, so he’s like the lead scientist. Good idea about the scars, I might use that, because since he doesn’t go to the prison block, like you said, how would she know? And yeah, I was kind of going for that he goes around to mak…

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@savannah_grace2009 @jonas

Yeah, I didn’t think about it much. I assumed that Ottoline was there simply to scare Marcurious, and to scare her by witnessing his pain. It is a bit of a weird moment though because he assumes that Ottoline was there to torture him, but then we see him just being tortured from her perspective. It’s not that this scene…[Read more]

@jonas

Whimsy is definitely one of most intriguing shards. I’m very interested in seeing what he/she is like.

Imagine the vessel is just the most dull character ever😂 That would be some interesting irony!

I’m guessing there is some pattern in the Shards, and whatever it is you could probably display it with that chart. The numbers might not be par…

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@jonas

Interesting. Part of me wants to believe that Whimsy is secretly Hoid, but we already know that’s not the case, although I wouldn’t rule Hoid out as secretly being Adonulsium. Anyway, yeah, a 16-gon, or rather a regular 16-gon I should say, or you can say Hexadecagon, but that system of naming gets redundant really fast, and most just use…[Read more]

@kathleenramm

You know what might also be interesting to explore since you’ve talked about your questions and issues with Joseph Smith and my Church as a whole, we can play the reversal game where I talk about my own questions and misunderstandings of Orthodox Christianity (Or whatever sect you subscribe to if any) if your comfortable.…[Read more]

@jonas

Interesting, this makes me think of number theory! Could they also be placed on a 16-gon, instead of a linear line? That way they are all equal. Because it feels odd for there to be a numerical hierarchy, where would such a thing come from? And it isn’t a line of least to greatest, because Odium is one of if not the most powerful Shard…[Read more]

@jonas

Interesting. I actually didn’t know much about this, but I have been pondering on the nature and symmetry of the shards for a while. When I first learned about them, I was honestly a little disappointed, because they seemed random to me. When you have an elemental system, you usually want a theme, and it didn’t look like there was one…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Alright, so I finally got a chance to catch up again.

I actually don’t have too many comments on the latest 3 chapters as far as critiques go other than maybe Neveah’s part. I’m all for her having sudden resolve of vengeance, feeling intense emotions of anger and hatred, but it also felt perhaps a bit too sudden. Right now…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

Thank you for explaining 😅 I’m not a science person, so I don’t have a good grasp on all that stuff. Thanks.

That’s alright, lol! This is very helpful actually, because I need to know how much my readers know, so I can explain things properly, and not annoy them with too much explanation at the same time.

I don’t find her t…

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@aranel

No problem, I love explaining my story to people! (And I have been wanting to read Dune for months now, is it any good?)

I can recommend the first book to anyone with the time, but it really depends on what you want after that. The first book is much more of a hero’s journey with clear good and evil, but after that, the books become…[Read more]

@hybridlore

I agree with Min and Jonas on everything they said. Resolve of the character will balance the unresolved political structure. However there’s still a lot of things you could do to end it differently. For one thing, most dystopias almost never talk about what happens after they take down the government. They need to reestablish…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

If you check out the link I posted earlier, I’ve added some more chapters. Tell me what you think! (Sorry if I’m bugging you by asking you to read EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER, but you seem to have an eye for problems and plot holes, so I really appreciate your advice. Feel free to tell me when it gets old, lol.)

I might have a cha…[Read more]