Scoutillus Finch

@rae

I see… I would recommend thinking of a theme/topic to intertwine each story into and have the ending be a culmination of that theme/topic to communicate your message in the character’s actions and choices, and how they’re rewarded/punished. E.g. Star Wars (I block quoted it for spoilers, if you haven’t seen them yet and spoilers bother…[Read more]

@rae

Ok that helps me understand the overall story better, so you’re basically going for something very similar to Star Wars (before Disney got a chokehold on it 😭) but with a Christian worldview writing it, and probably some of Joseph’s story from Genesis thrown in.

I recommend Odd 1s Out’s video on pitching a show to help when explaining to…[Read more]

https://storyembers.org/groups/sci-fi-writers/forum/topic/sci-fi-short-story/

Here’s a new-ish version, this is probably going to be more readable lol. (I’m still not satisfied with it, but this is how it looked when posting on Story Embers when the forum was still active, and I’m less embarrassed about it lol, even if I’m still not happy with…[Read more]

OK THAT IS OLDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS! You really don’t have to read it unless you want writing I cringe to read even the first sentence lol. (Forgot I had a period I really wasn’t posting on KP because I wasn’t really a teen anymore, I’m a Story Embers refugee)

(Changes I made: Main character’s name is now Jake, Fabian’s speech issues are more…[Read more]

Another revision of Ice

This is the WIP I was mentioning, it has some problems, and I’m far from even 75% satisfied with how it turned out lol, but this is sorta a sample of something from about three years ago.

@rae

That’s OK! It’s a week before Christmas, and I think everyone’s juggling a lot more than normal right now! Also, I’ve only read the first half of the chapter as of yet, as I’ve had several other things I’m working on. But I do intend to read the rest of it!

You have certainly not failed as a writer, you have an early draft that just needs…[Read more]

@Rae

I’m so sorry that this took so long! I hope it helps!

“Nahim. Nahim!”
Mandin waved his large hand in front of his 19-year-old [this is shown when Nahim thinks about how long ago the accident was] friend’s hidden face. “Nahim, what’s up?”
[how does Nahim react to Mandin waving his hand in front of his face? does he tell him to stop? does…[Read more]

@Rae

I’m so sorry giving you my thoughts on Ch 2 is taking so long, I’m kinda busy with the holidays lol and it’s been taking me a while.

@Rae

Cool! I’ll definitely wanna give you my thoughts! But I do have some other things to do today, so I’ll see when I can get started on my notes😁. Thanks for sharing!

@Rae

also, unless you have a problem with sharing what later happens in your story, I don’t mind hearing spoilers to understand the grander scope of your story if you need help with it. 🙂

@Rae

Also, keep in mind that Forgiveness is letting go of the right to avenge, Reconciliation is repairing the relationship.

I don’t know if you’ve watched/seen Avatar the Last Airbender, but if you have, there’s a great example in that show if you have.

@Rae

This is a great Villain! he’s got a solid personality, values, and reasons why he does what he does. I think I know who Alpha is though😉😉! My one caution is not to let him off too easy for what he did, even if it was out of revenge, and why did his race get killed off in the first place? did they have a bad reputation?

@rae

Ok so I totally gave you my thoughts on ch 2, but they didn’t post 😭! I’ll try again lol, but it might take me a while.

It does! I’m also asking these questions to help you flesh out your world a bit more, since I know having someone to bounce off of can help a lot, and so you can get some ideas for where to take the story if you’re…[Read more]

You’re welcome!

Also, depending on his original language’s use of feminine and masculine pronouns, he might associate sexes to certain objects, like referring to a speeder as a she maybe?

@rae

I’m sorry to hear you’re under the weather! would you like me to give you  my critique on this?

Also, with the whole speedering versus speedeering, you could also try speed-deering or something along those lines, as if Nahim struggles with ‘ur’ sounds, changing them to ‘ear’. where else does his accent show? Does wording sound off? how…[Read more]

@loopylin

Thanks! That’s what I was going for with him! Thank you so much for your input!

Do i have a good snse of movement? is it clear what he’s doing?

Also, here is a drawing of another of my elf oc’s, that is an homage to one I made about nine to ten years ago who was basically cardboard in terms of depth, and the black hair was natural versus this one who dyed his hair at one point lol.

Also, is my design recognizable and clear?