Lightningmouse

Great job! 🙂 One correction I’d make in the opening verse to make it flow a little smoother:

For many years I’ve known;
We aren’t supposed to fear
I’d heard of “perfect love”
But never let it come so near

I’d add in a “that” in the second line so it’s “That we aren’t supposed to fear.” Just helps the rhythm to have that extra beat there. 🙂

Thanks, @hope and @jadamae! 🙂
Actually, my mom had that same theory about the neighbor being some bad guy agent trying to aid in the theft of the documents. It hadn’t occurred to me, but thinking about it, it actually works. So, feel free to think what you want on that topic. 😛

Oh, I like it. XD

Thanks! 😀 The conflict thing was fun to have. Usually, the humor is a distraction from a story tension and it was cool to write the other way. 🙂

Looks good for the most part. I’d maybe start a new paragraph when a text starts? Not sure, it just might make it stand out more.

Definitely a good problem. 😉
Well, if there’s nothing bad, what were your favorite parts or what made you laugh?

That is what’s ever so nice about this sort of character. 😛 They take so much and still stay cheerful and forgiving. 🙂
It’s almost humorous when Cobalt’s hurt because he just won’t admit that he needs to take it easy for a bit. He’s just “No really, I’m fine!” and keeps going until he passes out or something. XP

Thanks, @kate-flournoy! 🙂 I love hearing when my stuff has made people laugh.
Yeah, I noticed that was a bit of a problem, too. I’ll see if I can fix it up on that point. I already fixed what my mom noticed. I didn’t mention the fog soon enough before and it was sort of a “and then… fog!” effect. XD

Ah, I see. 😛 I would never want you to kill Denholm. Cobalt’s rather banged up at the moment as well, though. XD

Only when I am extremely nervous or in a very stressful situation do I talk out loud in second person.
The occasional first person comment on a ridiculous situation is more common for me. Sarcastic first person.

I haven’t done Kindle specifically, but I’ve done the general ebook formatting. The chapter break stuff is a pain. But it’s pretty much the only one, so that’s good. I didn’t have the word doc headings in properly so it took me a while to fix, but if you have that going it should be alright.
@kate-flournoy, we aren’t exactly a huge public. Still,…[Read more]

Glad we could help. 🙂

But wait, plot twist here, what if the drink was important? How would that alter the story?

I really liked the drink description, personally. You did a really good job there. But I would repeat Daeus’s question: Is it important? I got the impression it was poisoned or something. (Not sure if that’s just a hunch, but it seems like the drink is important)

@mas410
XD Thanks, I’m glad you enjoy it! 😛

@mas401
XD Thanks, I’m glad you enjoy it! 😛

Whoops, I was meaning to put up the video. Anyway, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F9jXYOH2c0

Glad you guys like it. 🙂

Welcome to the Kingdom Pen kingdom, MK! Always great to have someone else to bounce stuff off of. 🙂
Glad we are so interesting to stalk. 😛
Gosh, I had no idea how prominent Ohio natives were on here. Well, I know I shall have quite a bit of fun if I ever visit the state. Though it is a long way from my personal soggy swamp of a homeland.
I…[Read more]

Wow, I love it! Great job, Rosey!