Liberty

@rae @savannah_grace2009 I feel attacked😂 jkjk. But seriously, the final Hans scene in Freedom’s Fire does break my heart🫠

@ellette-giselle Yessss, we shall get along perfectly😂💖💖

@theshadow

I really hate to do this again, but “wondered” was used twice again when Marcus was speaking to Ignatius.

No way!! I did not do that twice in a row! So sorry! haha! I normally catch that when I read back through it. thanks for pointing it out.

Oh, I’m glad the thing about Ignatius makes sense! No worries about not remembering!

@theshadow

I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with first chapters.

Oh dear, yeah, I had better use some body language. thanks for catching that. I’ll go back and hit some of those scenes!!!

Your right, if Ignatius was a normal guard. but, Ignatius is a Prætorian. As I mentioned in the first chapter, they are the elite soldiers, and in…[Read more]

@theshadow

Haha, no, I cannot stand repeated words! It’s like nails on the chalkboard!

Alrighty then, I’ll swap that scene around.

How is the second chapter? Better then the first? I always find my first chapter the roughest.

Ok y’all, here’s chapter two!!

 
Chapter 2
 

“Marcus. Marcus, can you hear me?”

Marcus slowly looked up. “What?”

“Marcus, what is wrong with you?” asked Julius. His tone was playful, but his green eyes held a hint of worry.

Marcus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. I’m fine. I guess I was just thinking.”

“Abou…[Read more]

@grcr

No problem. Someone else mentioned it seemed out of place, and maybe use a part of it later.

Glad it was funny though!

Ok, in just a sec I’ll send chapter two. Let me skim it real quick to make sure there aren’t any horrid errors that are clearly visible. lol.

@grcr

So keep the fountain sword scene or not? Now I’m confused. lol.

@savannah_grace2009

No your suggestions are amazing! They are just what I have been looking for!

@highscribeofaetherium

It’s fine on my end…

@savannah_grace2009

Girl your suggestions were good, though! I haven’t done much research on starting off a book, so it sounds like you have more tools under your belt in that area than I do.

@savannah_grace2009

Ok then. No worries. I’ll split it up. Right now this is just ideas. I mean, you guys are seeing this stuff literal the minute after a type the last word of the chapter. One I get farther into it I’ll have a more concrete setup.

@savannah_grace2009

*sighs in relief* Okay because I was panicking after I posted and then you posted that you really liked the fountain scene…I felt sooo bad lol

I think we were posting over each other… like I didn’t see your comments until after I posted.

@savannah_grace2009

It did that to me the other day… where all the profile pics disappeared and then the format was all crazy. But like you said it fixed itself pretty quickly.

@ellette-giselle

Ok I love what @savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could maybe still incorporate that later- maybe not the swordfighting, but perhaps during their conversation they’re sitting outside and the teasing turns into wrestling…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Awesome!! I’m glad you like the new beginning!

I should have chapter two out here in a few.

Oh good idea. I’ll do that with the thought thing.

@ellette-giselle

Just now saw your updated version- I love that fountain scene at the beginning! It made me smile because I can easily see my brothers doing that!

Julius inwardly berated himself for failing in such a simple thing.

This is just something I thought of as I was reading through- maybe instead of telling us Julius inwardly berated…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ooo!!! I like Freedom already!!! I love really sad scenes and doing bad things to characters. It’s all for a purpose of course, and it needs to be done. But…… it’s also fun to watch readers cry. lol.

@trailblazer

Ok, thanks! Haha, maybe my brothers and their friends are more wild, but it’s younger or older brother annoying each other around here. lol.

What did you think of the rewrite? was that better? I tried to make a few things a little clearer and also add some action in the beginning. If you still think it doesn’t build enough action…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

However, if Marcus came off as too young in y’all’s opinion then I can tone him down into a more mature guy. what do y’all think?

Hmm… I do have two younger brothers who are teenagers, but maybe they’re more chill than other guys their age. They do pick on each other and get on each other’s nerves, but in the case of someo…[Read more]

OK, I went ahead and rewrote some stuff in the first chapter. is this better? (I put the new stuff in bold so y’all don’t have to read the whole chapter over again.)

 
Chapter 1
Julius ducked a blow aimed for his head. He jumped back a step as his opponent quickly followed up the swipe with a thrust toward his chest. The enemy stumbled slightly…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yes. All the blog posts. sorry for the confusion. lol.

YAY!!! I thought I’d give that a shot and see if that was what y’all meant for me to do. Now that i see it was and how easy it is I bet y’all were laughing because I was making it so over complicated. lol.