Beth

@whalekeeper

I feel like the blindness bit was too much? I mean for Chase to give up his sight as well as his mobility. It’s too on-the-nose for Chase’s character, since he often gets marked with physical things like scars, stuttering, and the mobility thing. I felt less sorry for him, and more “oh okay that happened.”Idk, it felt like waaaaay…

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@freed_and_redeemed @savannah_grace2009 I have a Chase scene for you

@whalekeeper @loopylin @grcr @theducktator @esther-c @kielah-h @theshadow @ellette-giselle @anyone

I have a really sweet but sad Chase scene. For context, this is after Chase’s last battle with Narsa Jeptune.

oh, and beware, I’ve barely edited this. Criticism welcome 🙂

Chase…

[Read more]

@theducktar

I am the #1 banana hater, so none :p

@theducktator

6 or 7

@ellette-giselle

If you want to share your plot outline and story details, I could try to help you with a blurb!

@ellette-giselle

6 or 7!

@keilah-h

No no no! You didn’t offend me! I just felt bad for posting it XD

And you’re good I wasn’t upset or offended at all…I just you know, felt bad, and I’m sorry if that scene made you uncomfortable :/

I’m just saying that if I had picked up your fully written, published book and read it through, I might’ve felt a little iffy about the…

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@ellette-giselle

I think 7 looks the best.

@ellette-giselle

1, 2, and 7 are my favorites.

@highscribeofaetherium

Thank you for reading them!!!!!!!!!!!!! That means a lot <3

@grcr

WHY DON’T YOU LIKE IT

I love it so much!!

I think I’m going to keep it the same for now, and then change it if I feel like it XD

@whalekeeper

you need people to believe in you, even if you can’t sometimes. I have low self-esteem sometimes and I need my mom to put me back on track. If we tell ourselves we are worth nothing, that’s going to have mental consequences later down the road.

Yes yes yes! That’s exactly what I was going for!

As someone who completely relates to Sef…[Read more]

@anyone

Chapter 11

Wolves

“Sef?”

Sef looked up from sweeping the floor, and saw Neveah standing in the doorway.

“What is it?”

“We’re forgetting something,” Neveah smiled wryly.

“Forgetting something?” Sef repeated, confused.

“Yes. We’re forgetting to think of names for the child.”

A knot of anger grew in Sef’s stomach.

“We’re going to…[Read more]

@jonas

This phrasing sounds a bit awkward.

I’m cringing…

WHYYY

apparently I didn’t edit it as well as I thought…

Ooops yeah I’ll fix that.

That’s a lot of “that”s.

NOOOO I’M CRINGING AGAIN

what was I thinking?!? I just committed a crime…to use the same word three times in a sentence…how could I?!?!

By this point, you’ve managed to conv…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle @whalekeeper

Thanks that makes me feel a little better!

And I know it’s weird that I’m only 14 and are writing about this kind of stuff…

And what’s even more strange is that I was never ever exposed to violence or horror movies or bad books as a young child. So at eight years old when I started writing about slavery and…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I have been reading the chapters you’ve been posting but I just haven’t really had any comments cuz I’m bad at critiquing :p they’re all really good, though.

I can’t say I agree with Keilah, either.

@keilah-h @whalekeeper Should we bring this back?

And, Keilah, I’d love if you added Mundy! Mayfly would have so much fun using her powers on him.

Question, should I try to add Tenz?

Y’all…I have to hurry up and post the next chapters so you don’t think I’m just a psychopath teenager…

heh..heh…

Chapter 9

Strange Magic

Lilitu stood at the edge of Farnbron Brook, trying—and failing— not to gag.

The smell was especially bad tonight.

It was always worse during the warmer months, and now it was the middle of sum…[Read more]

@keilah-h

If you don’t mind me asking, are you over 16??

Ummmmmm

…

…

…

I’m 14 and don’t turn 15 until September

…

…

I hope I’m correct in assuming that the book will be 16+ as well because oof……that may be the darkest thing I’ve ever seen on this site……

I don’t think I’m going to have it be 16+, more like 14+ since that’s how ol…[Read more]