Abigail.M.

Three Ways to Use Subtext to “Show, Don’t Tell”

this one may help, I’ll go look for some others, I can’t find the old stuff 😪

@rae

Hi! I finally finished the critique!

Evening came, leaving the Banorian landscape lit by flickering torches under a deep blue sky. The trees still rippled in the wind, but they were now just dark shadows.

Nahim walked away from where he had left Mandin, the Ward in the annual meeting at the close of this festive day. He was invited by…[Read more]

@rae

Hi!

I just wanted to let you know that I finished reading the second half of chapter two, and I’ll get started on giving you my thoughts, sorry this has taken so long!

@overcomer

My style…I’m not really sure where it has come from, except that almost all the poetry I’ve read was written before the 1940’s.

The meter here is roughly 7-8 syllables with a pause of cadence in the middle of each line. The rhythm is One and TWO and Three and FOUR. I hope that helps and isn’t more confusing.

Ah, slant rhyme. I have…[Read more]

@livingwoodchronicles

Hmm…true, true.

How do I sign up?

Random interjection of verse!!!!

Just a girl with big dreams and a heart full of Going,

Hands for the harvest and tales for the Sowing,

Awaiting her story but even then knowing-

That fields laid to follow are still part of Growing.

@livingwoodchronicles

This looks amazingly! I would love to join in, although…

My writing isn’t the very great yet, (but my sister who is reading over my shoulder just said it wasn’t bad either). I do write clean, the prose is just bumpy. I’d love to try though.

@rae

I’m not sure what to call my style, besides being metered and rhymed. I don’t know a whole lot about poetry, besides a few basic rules.

Hmm, thanks for ideas and feedback!

@savannah_grace2009

Thank you! It’s one of my best so far.

Hey y’all, I and my sister will be on off and on for the next couple of days (especially tomorrow), so that could potentially add 2 to your numbers.

@Rae (forgot to tag you earlier lol)

Also, what is the end goal of your plot? Reuniting the galaxy and reversing what Grathmere did while working with him? I recommend making Grathmere somewhat morally relatable (think Edmund Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo)

That is revealed later on in the book. While Nahim thought that it was impossible, someone did come into the grasslandsxand found him. Not Mandin though.

I see, maybe you could include something about Nahim’s confusion?

Oh, you’ve discovered my weird habit of writing. I’m thinking about breaking it. I write from the view of a girl from fan…

[Read more]

@freedomwriter76 @smiley

Jayson

This was awkward.

“Jayson, Rafael, which would you two prefer?” the older man turned to Raffe with a gentle smile. I glanced at my Commando In Arms (I’ll explain later, it has to do with cereal boxes).

“Well,” Raffe paused as if tasting his thoughts before serving them for general consumption. “I think you’r…[Read more]

@rae

I see… I would recommend thinking of a theme/topic to intertwine each story into and have the ending be a culmination of that theme/topic to communicate your message in the character’s actions and choices, and how they’re rewarded/punished. E.g. Star Wars (I block quoted it for spoilers, if you haven’t seen them yet and spoilers bother…[Read more]

@rae

Ok that helps me understand the overall story better, so you’re basically going for something very similar to Star Wars (before Disney got a chokehold on it 😭) but with a Christian worldview writing it, and probably some of Joseph’s story from Genesis thrown in.

I recommend Odd 1s Out’s video on pitching a show to help when explaining to…[Read more]

https://storyembers.org/groups/sci-fi-writers/forum/topic/sci-fi-short-story/

Here’s a new-ish version, this is probably going to be more readable lol. (I’m still not satisfied with it, but this is how it looked when posting on Story Embers when the forum was still active, and I’m less embarrassed about it lol, even if I’m still not happy with…[Read more]

OK THAT IS OLDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS! You really don’t have to read it unless you want writing I cringe to read even the first sentence lol. (Forgot I had a period I really wasn’t posting on KP because I wasn’t really a teen anymore, I’m a Story Embers refugee)

(Changes I made: Main character’s name is now Jake, Fabian’s speech issues are more…[Read more]

Another revision of Ice

This is the WIP I was mentioning, it has some problems, and I’m far from even 75% satisfied with how it turned out lol, but this is sorta a sample of something from about three years ago.

@rae

That’s OK! It’s a week before Christmas, and I think everyone’s juggling a lot more than normal right now! Also, I’ve only read the first half of the chapter as of yet, as I’ve had several other things I’m working on. But I do intend to read the rest of it!

You have certainly not failed as a writer, you have an early draft that just needs…[Read more]

@overcomer

Here’s the poem I’ve been struggling with. The first and fourth stanzas irritate me the most.

I also have no idea who to tag for this anymore (the last thing I submitted for critiques was some time ago) but feel free to tag anyone.