Writers' Corner #18

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  • #74771
    SeekJustice
    @seekjustice
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3365

      @valtmy

      Ah yes. I’ve done that before. 🙂

      True that. It’s always much easier to keep going than to start 😛

      INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.

      #74772
      Rochellaine
      @rochellaine
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3322

        @seekjustice I wanted so badly to focus on just one thing, (my western,) but I guess that didn’t happen. 🙂

        I see.  Well, I like listening to songs in other languages if I have the translation and like the translation.  But since English is easiest for me to sing I prefer to listen to songs which I can learn.  I know a few songs in Italian, though, and a couple in French.

        Yes, it looks like their stuff is on iTunes.  To listen without seeing the full show, Miracle of Christmas is the easiest, since in that one they added a narrator to explain what goes on between the songs.  Joseph is also pretty easy to follow along with the soundtrack since it follows the Biblical story very closely.  So I would say start with those.

        However, if you get a chance to buy a DVD of any of their shows, I would definitely recommend Jonah!!!! 😉  That one has my favorite music, but they added a lot of stuff to the story so it might not be as easy to follow along the soundtrack unless you’ve seen the full show.  That show also has the best script, in my opinion.

        "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

        #74773
        SeekJustice
        @seekjustice
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 3365

          @rochellaine

          All right, I’ll look out for those ones then 😀

          Now, I must go for breakfast. I may see you later though, I’m not sure. 🙂 Bye!

          INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.

          #74774
          Rochellaine
          @rochellaine
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 3322

            @seekjustice Ok, bye!


            @valtmy
            Hi!  Are you still here?

            "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

            #74775
            valtmy
            @valtmy
              • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
              • Total Posts: 732

              @rochellaine

              Yep. Still here. Still not-working-on-my-WIP.

              #74776
              Rochellaine
              @rochellaine
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3322

                @valtmy Sorry I disappeared!  I got called away and haven’t had a chance to get back until now.


                @seekjustice
                Are you around?  I finally am sitting down again after a birthday party for my sister, singing for a while with our guests, family worship, and then chatting till now it’s nearly one o’clock. 😀  Lots of fun stuff going on today!!  I’m wide awake, because we were all laughing and joking with the guests, so I’m going to write, but I don’t know how long I’ll stay wide awake. 😛

                "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                #74777
                SeekJustice
                @seekjustice
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 3365

                  @rochellaine

                  I’ve just arrived but I probably will only be around for half an hour, then I’ve got dancing. How’s your story going now?

                  INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.

                  #74778
                  Rochellaine
                  @rochellaine
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 3322

                    @seekjustice I won’t be awake much longer than that anyway. 😉

                    It’s going pretty well. 😀  I’m still having fun, which is good.  Since I’m getting sleepy it’s a little slower than it was earlier, but I’m still pretty much on a roll.  I hope the “roll” lasts long enough for me to get a good deal done!

                    How’s your editing?

                    "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                    #74779
                    SeekJustice
                    @seekjustice
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 3365

                      @rochellaine

                      Fair enough. I’m just trying to finish off a blog post so I can schedule it for tomorrow, since I’m going to be aware for most of tomorrow.

                      Editing is pretty good! I’m hoping to finish Part 3 tomorrow 😀

                      INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.

                      #74780
                      Rochellaine
                      @rochellaine
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 3322

                        @seekjustice Ok, I’m falling asleep now.  See you tomorrow, and have fun at dance class!

                        Great!  I’m waiting to read it, of course! 😀

                        "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                        #74781
                        valtmy
                        @valtmy
                          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                          • Total Posts: 732

                          @seekjustice

                          Hey. Just dropping by to let you know that I’ve finished reading both SFI and WIIE. 🙂 I didn’t put in any comments because I know you’re already in the process of editing. I’m not sure what sort of feedback you’re looking for so I’ll just share with you my general thoughts.

                          Overall I quite like both of them. Retellings are usually something I steer clear from (since in my experience they often add no real depth or insight to the original work and rehash the plot so everything is dull) but I think it’s cool how you linked Les Mis and A Tale of Two Cities together and put them in a futuristic dystopia setting. Not something I would have ever thought of 😛 I preferred SFI because you were able to mix up the story elements with more freedom and originality. WIIE I think is held back more by the inevitable sacrifice at the end which limited your ability to make it less predictable to readers already familiar with Dickens. This may not be a problem for most people but for me, I tend to distance myself from characters that have ‘DOOMED’ labelled on their foreheads.

                          The deaths in SFI did not really do it for me since I saw them all from a mile away. Sapphire’s decision to go to the barricade just to deliver a letter felt like plot-induced foolishness to me (Eponine’s case was very different since she was determined that she and Marius will die at the barricade). Though my cold, cold heart did get a little attached to Zac, that was unavoidable since he’s the Sydney Carton expy.

                          I do have some other minor gripes. It’s hard to keep track of the minor characters in SFI and there’s overuse of certain words (I kept seeing the word ‘gaggle’ and it seems like the characters were getting shot in the chest a lot. Can’t they be shot somewhere else like the head?) but those are issues I think you would be clearing up in editing.

                          A major complaint I have though it that I felt that the “Javerts” in SFI were underutilized and under-explored. Valjean and Javert’s dynamic is what I love best in Les Mis. Their shared history, how they exemplified the themes… I was excited to see how you would play this out. I was expecting Chessy’s dad to reveal some dark past or relationship with Caderousse… but nothing. That made the mercy shown to Mathias not very powerful (since he did not turn Chessy in when he could have earlier, it felt like he deserved mercy so it lacked the weight Valjean’s sparing of Javert had). Caderousse’s suicide also left me going, “Huh?! Do your job properly, woman!” (since Caderousse’s internal character was not explored and the mercy was given to Mathias and not her, her sudden compassion towards Chessy did not feel earned or justified at all). It made absolutely no sense to me, and would be doubly so for anyone unfamiliar with Les Mis. It felt like a cheap and convenient tactic to get Caderousse out of the way so that Chessy and her dad can have a happy reunion.

                          Honestly, I was half-hoping for Caderousse’s soldiers to find and arrest Chessy again even if that was not what happened in Les Mis (Caderousse is not the only guard after all and the others know very well that Chessy is a recent fugitive that has escaped from prison, not like Valjean who broke his parole many years ago and has assumed other identities since with only Javert still obsessed enough to look out for him. In fact, since Caderousse’s guards last saw Caderousse going off with Chessy alone, I think the first suspicion any reasonable person would have is that Caderousse’s suicide was not a suicide). That Chessy can simply continue walking free after that seems completely unrealistic given the situation and the setting you have built.

                          And… that’s it for my thoughts so far. I’m really sorry if this has been too nitpicky! But I do like what you have! It’s very tight and well-written for a first draft. I’ll be looking forward to see how your upcoming edits go and what your next story will be 😛


                          @rochellaine

                          Psst! You have SFI fanfiction, haven’t you? Can I read them? 😛

                          #74782
                          Rochellaine
                          @rochellaine
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3322

                            @valtmy Hi!  Sure, you can read my fanfics. 😀  @seekjustice has one too, so you can ask her for that.  But I have written two that I’ll post here for you:

                            Legend of the Revolutionaries
                            https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oOFAEkNQhJzLe6L-Drm_sr5KBKGG0p8hlg9kBGT3MBQ/edit?usp=sharing

                            Jonas
                            https://docs.google.com/document/d/199RPONPRfIUXrhKp1DRNXF8F5ioV95qY50ZLGVGRK0g/edit?usp=sharing

                            And a couple of comments on your comments, I think SeekJustice is fixing the part about Sapphire going to the trenches, because she mentioned before that it seemed weird when she was going through for editing purposes and she was planning how to change it.

                            The thing about Javert and Valjean…I think because she is doing this from a different perspective, (Chessy’s) she doesn’t have to have the full amount of conflict between those two that you have in the original.  This isn’t supposed to be a mirror, but a retelling, so things should be different with only references to the original.  However, I agree Jean and Maria’s characters could both use some more in-depth storylines.  😉

                            Anyway, hope you like my fanfics! 🙂

                            "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                            #74784
                            Rochellaine
                            @rochellaine
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 3322

                              @valtmy Oh, and did you read through all our crazy comments at the end of When Infinity is Empty?  Some of them are pretty hilarious. 😛

                              "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

                              #74785
                              Jenna Terese
                              @jenwriter17
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 2522

                                @rochellaine

                                I’m not writing right now, I just wanted to tell you that I watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers last night. I really liked it! 😀 Especially the part where they’re dancing at the barn raising 😉

                                I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
                                www.jennaterese.com

                                #74786
                                Rochellaine
                                @rochellaine
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 3322

                                  @jenwriter17 Oh, cool!  Yes, that’s the most popular part generally, I believe.  Or at least, the most famous part.  It’s really well choreographed.

                                  Who is your favorite character?  What’s your favorite song?

                                  "Sylvester - Sylvester!"

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