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*21 year old crawling back to KP after SE’s forum shut down*
Hi! So I’ve been learning digital art, and I decided I’d make a comic for a story I’ve been working on for years at this point but hasn’t gotten anywhere as a novel. I wrote a storyboard for what would be the first part of the first episode as a sort of ‘pilot’ to see if this is even realistic for me. It’s about the length of a typical webtoon episode, so I’d love your feedback! (sorry for the graniness btw, it’s tiny to be in line with webtoon’s constraints so I can learn to work with that document size)
By the way, I do have questions that i would love to have answered below, just answer what you can, or just say if you liked it or no, I just want some feedback, but you don’t have to give it if you’d rather not/can’t.
Also, breif content warning, a character says the D word, and it’s about PG-13 if it was a movie, but I do plan on keeping cursing to a minimum.
Ice storyboard pdf.pdf
My Questions:
I am going for a vertical webcomic format, as such, I am trying to keep the eye drawn in a downward direction, while still keeping the reader grounded in the environment. Is that happening here? Is there anything I should do to adjust? Do you feel your eyes being drawn in a downward spiral of scrolling doom?
I accidentally have two versions of the same part in my storyboard, pages 7&8. I was wondering if one seems better than the other, or should I get rid of 7 like I’ve been planning, or use it for some more, different, dialogue?
Speaking of dialogue, I’m concerned I’m forcing exposition with Paris and Jake’s conversation. My goal is to establish Paris as someone with control over Jake in a big way, and that they have familiarity with each other. As well as giving a bit of context to why Jake’s here, some of Jake’s backstory that’ll directly influence this story going forward, and Jake’s bionic arm and leg that can’t be seen in his insulated suit that influence how he can’t swim to the surface when he falls into the ocean later on. Or should I not mention it at all, as readers will assume he just can’t swim? I’m leaning toward this, as showing rather than telling will be optimal for the reader’s interest.
Am I establishing too much of the backstory? I’m pretty much trying to paint the basics of what happened in broad strokes, and given that this is still on Jake’s mind, happened not too long ago. Without the basics of those relationships or the context behind what happened, is this still too much information?
I decided to try a limited approach with my use of color in the storyboard, thinking that this planet would largely be monochromatic, with a cloudy sky except for the shadow of a nearby planet, and only busting out colors for key subjects (fabian’s blue head, the red panic background in the final panels, yellow for the blaster when fired, and the teal for the screens around Paris). Is this something I should keep as the exclusive way I color for the entire comic? Combine this with fully colored panels and use it for drama, thematic purposes, and/or showing a character’s thoughts/memories, and in fights to convey the adrenaline? Or just stick to fully colored? I’m kinda preferring the second approach I mentioned as I write this, but would it be something you’d like to see?
In the fight scene, I want to convey that Jake is actually skilled at combat (because he is), but I find him rendered somewhat incompetent because he’s trying to go after an opponent that is fleeing, and bulletproof by… firing bullets. He would know not to shoot the character somewhere the bullet would ricochet, so now, I realize, would go for the mouth instead of the back of the head like in the storyboard, should I make that change? the back of the head of this creature is vulnerable too, so would he just thing that the space helmet is likely not bulletproof?
About the fight scene at the end: I know that in some fight scenes (like Endgame), the combat can turn into a blur of action without a goal and at the end of it you don’t see the progression that got them to the final point. Is the sense of place, and the actions being taken, and where they’re moving clearly coherent? Does anything feel choppy?
In regard to my pacing, is it going too fast anywhere? or is it too slow in places? I’m trying to keep it engaging to read, and consistent, with action that rises and falls in an understandable manner.
I did add onomatopoeia (written sound effects like BANG! CRASH! etc.) is it distracting or annoying in any way? I don’t want it to hijack what’s happening, but also to convey sound effects.
I am going for a serious but can be lighthearted tone for my story, (of a Wingfeather Saga, Avatar the Last Airbender, Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, and a hint of Marvel feel before Guardians of the Galaxy changed the tone of the entire series) so all that to say, serious but with a good balance of humor here and there to prevent it from being depressing for the overall story. I did wind up with a couple funny scenes with Fabian as part of his personality is innocent, polite, idealistic and a touch naive. Does this break the tone of the story too much?
Do any of the poses feel flat? does it feel like they’re flowing consistently (ie. the last few panels where Jake is sinking)?
The morals I’m conveying through the overall story are about: doing the right thing over the easy thing, redemption, and helping others. My morals for this first arc (think of a season in a TV show) are about how pride, avoiding the truth, and self-preservation above all else can blind someone from doing the right thing. Does the episode track with that so far? Any ways I could change the opening conversation to fit with that?
Any other comments or things you noticed?
Thank you so much for reading all this! I realize I just kinda turned you all into my own free alpha readers, so, I really appreciate your help, and if you can’t answer any questions, just give me your thoughts if you can. Thank you again!
Also, I would like to footnote this by mentioning again that this is an experiment. I’ve wanted to finish this story for a long time, and I’m trying to see where this goes. *me firing up invention as it’s reflected in the eyes of terrified guinea pigs*
We crazy people are the normal ones.
DANG the link isn’t working! lemme try again!
Hopefully that works lol!
We crazy people are the normal ones.
Ok so I have the tech skills of a Gramma, send help?
Ok I tried again, I hope this works?
We crazy people are the normal ones.
Ok so I’m lost, how do you post a pdf?! people have posted google docs before, why is this not working?!
We crazy people are the normal ones.
hang on a moment, I’m figuring it out.
We crazy people are the normal ones.
Ok so i do not know how to post a pdf on here, i post the link and it just says error 404 file not found
We crazy people are the normal ones.
Well, I see the link you posted. I’m not sure if that’s what you want or not. If you haven’t already, maybe try the link button at the top of the response box? 🤷🏻♀️ idk
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Hi! Nice to meet you, we haven’t met, but welcome back to KP!
Links have always been an issue on KP for as long as I’ve been on here. I’ve gotten by through simply pasting the link, then making a space after the first h, so it isn’t registered as a link, but others can copy it and remove the space to get access.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Thank you! so… i guess just copy-paste the link into the search engine? so sorry for the hassle lol. When I was first on KP, I was drawing traditionally and primarily focused on writing, lol…
We crazy people are the normal ones.
f ile:///C:/Users/danvi/OneDrive/Desktop/TBU%20DOCUMENTS%20%3B)/KritaKrap/comic%20work%20in%20progress!/Ice
does this work?
We crazy people are the normal ones.
m ail-attachment.googleusercontent.com/attachment/u/0/?ui=2&ik=917c16b71c&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-a:r849198788921244161&th=18b1050e65d153e4&view=att&disp=inline&realattid=f_lneyj77m0&saddbat=ANGjdJ-sra8fPPYfKftE91v8I0Fhb_-BioHlMUGYjjpJo8wh8cpN02Xrw8TIfxAH9h9pik2V7EXGHG83WWlF1ou15EkUu3lCA0Lxxa-VxWEZIpqlepHqdH7w0rJIHhX5e8e2OAV_yPIZo9Cl0dxXrW-AdBTRXqYKgBqhkR_rIzZ1nX_xvxk6ddcJ68-GiUkIb5DZzYqspsGE0OXCkzioF14i4SIrDJsi54Seo0ytyIpPdITXFYWamMyWEzNJjbj7jEIiN4I4GCKDxFtW4U-tYWTu53S1pJGp0GFybsrizLtIYRcTqmGEXhCPxOTY2fwTwatg877Estyis7zYzcagrqLovwBODQ1cHNI9Egv1_oBH6XPerId9iB46K9RS8OjV4OEAhUHvu-_3B4XM9tGy9rZ-4_ivVjqoBtnqZC3crZrR6g4hNxRnEWVBDrDg2U0VBo3YrrrzQjlwWlusyZDGryATl8pO5oF6NVRhAPzoTq90LCNzXnkkNK0GhHIHqFZPvhN2bQj-kz39IOkM0VqNyIuY6xbuM6Xed02KLOyYAEG6dt0eBCDH5wwxZcl9fwfL6vq5NfdtGhd-m0GnysMjt247bQhAvQvw9A3dKRGpcQVN3S2lkvOSJDmkW8giXLGDaif6OmfQ0BJWx5GiuJXlzbSHjYRv3t6-HRpsEN_CdGWhsZNI4iRS99qpiPNpdLdQ9SS-bwN6EvvI0INgUQ1L7TtMJKR6xZbRnQr5lShb_ufj9Xe3Of-oXQQnhnMeS8q6xY94A_EpWaYUXEpw9w-HA6aZL4EGsF6AiMCBvD7ZMXH8uHuSBzwio5qg4p_7ajq7JG0DxONtkIxT4nPkoL-JEJTYOe49BOEqOpkDIl0zIlLpIViytvJQHEj9g5d5v4zrch7V4pyn6uxgjmqUw1iisJWyxJsqEyA38RSRAAo2upwb4Q8ry3RRmhA6WcXx07WMDWeSahqT8fWfWUQhLbtG9WYvCAZmlfD67CyTs5eJt3KPDZMB7IhXKBXPV6ApZ-IKbL-cfC9HjQc2cNneF1LUdMMf9rXTATeerBOTr6wvPg
We crazy people are the normal ones.
how’s this?
We crazy people are the normal ones.
We crazy people are the normal ones.
“C:\Users\danvi\OneDrive\Desktop\TBU DOCUMENTS ;)\KritaKrap\comic work in progress!\Ice storyboard pdf.pdf”
We crazy people are the normal ones.
I don’t think it works! You can upload it picture by picture if you like.
And welcome from story embers! My sister is from SE and told me about the forum shut down. It’s too bad, but I hope you like it over here! You might want to be aware that because we have an age cap on kp (only for young adults, until 30) we attract a much younger crowd. I like to think most of us are pretty emotionally mature, but just figured I’d let you know, because your comic has a swear word in it. We don’t currently have anything like that here, and are probably a little more sensitive in general. 🙂
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
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