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That’s tough! I’ll be praying for you!
I know you came on here asking for prayer and not necessarily advice, but there’s a few things I want to say, and I hope I’m not being too bold. Have you considered switching back to homeschooling? In my personal experience, yes, God did call me to public school, which was why I went for my senior year, and while God’s hand was definitely upon it, I know now, looking back, that if I would have stayed in public school much longer, it would have been detrimental to me. When I graduated, I was really struggling a lot emotionally, because I still felt like I was called to the school, but there was no way for me to stay there, because I was graduated. I questioned God about this, but all I sensed was Him saying, “Trust Me. I have a reason for pulling you back.” I had one friendship in particular that was turning toxic, partly because of my own mistakes, and had that friendship been allowed to continue, it would have caused a lot more damage than what already was.
I’ve also just this past week or two been reading the book When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy. (It’s an amazing book, btw, if you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it! Such a beautiful, pure story of how God brought the two of them together!) The first time I read it was as I was dealing with a lot of the leftover emotions from leaving public school, and I cried almost every time I picked it up to read it. Now I’m re-reading it, and I still love it! And I won’t spoil it for you, but in one part, Leslie talks about how she was in public school, and it got to the point where God asked her to surrender and leave public school because it was so negatively affecting her relationship with Him and her relationships with her family. After she finally had the courage to leave, her relationship with God and her relationships with her family deepened incredibly.
I’m not trying to tell you to leave public school. My point is that if it’s causing a lot of harm to your family relationships and your relationship with God, then maybe it’s time to consider the possibility. Like Min and Esther were saying, a great starting place is to just approach your mom and saying, “Hey, this is how I’ve been feeling. Can we pray about this together?” And ask God what the best thing is for you. I know that’s a lot easier said than done, but I’ve never regretted being open and honest with my parents, as awkward as it is at times.
You know, I’ve only recently been realizing how valuable my family relationships are. I wish I would have thought about this in high school, but my parents and my brothers are the ones who know me in ways no one else does, and they’re going to be in my life for years to come. Some friendships come and go, but my family is a constant, and I want to learn how to really make the most of my relationships with my family.
I’ve gone through seasons of loneliness, where I wondered who my close friends were. It’s been hard, yes, but God has known exactly what I needed in each season, and even though it’s taken a lot longer than I would have liked, He’s finally now bringing some friends into my life that have really blessed me in ways my previous friendships haven’t.
Anyway- be encouraged that God has good plans for you, whether He’s asking you to stay in public school and learn new ways of being intentional with your family, or whether He’s asking you to take a step back and homeschool again.
Maybe I’m just someone on the other side of a screen who’s never seen you in person, but I can speak from a place of seeing God’s faithfulness in the hard times and in the times where I had no clue what He was doing in my life, and I know He’s gonna be faithful to you. I’m here for you anytime you need me!
"Real love is for your good, not for your comfort." -Justin Whitmel Earley
@whalekeeper I’ll be praying. I know how it feels to have sensory issues.
Oh, and you have five siblings?
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
It’s rough when you feel like you’ve ruined your only opportunity. Really rough. Praying, girl. ❤️❤️
@everyone
Thanks to everyone who responded ❤️😆 I can’t keep track of you all! I’ve been watching over my brother these last couple days during a few events, and I think he’s been better since my mum got some fidget toys 🙂 He’s started avoiding people, though. Lots of hiding. Which I can’t blame him for.
Yes, ma’am! Five little siblings!
Also my parents, a dog, chickens, and a hedgehog 🤣 Hey, that rhymed. I almost purchased some pet birds last week, too, but kind of forgot about it.
“Everything is a mountain”
@whalekeeper cool. I only have one brother and a dog, but I know a couple which has five young kids and four adult kids.
oh and fidget toys are very good for him. I have a bin of fidgets. I make fidgets out of Legos. I fidget with that loose piece of leather on the chair if I have to lol
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
You guys…when I checked my notifs for KP and read all your messages I almost started crying…It means so much to know that you are praying for me and are supporting me <3
Thanks girl <3
One of the problems is that for some reason, I’m just so scared to talk to my mom right now. I don’t know why, and that’s what makes it so hard. It’s like there’s a literal wall around my mind, or like I somehow forgot how to communicate with people. It makes me sad and frustrated because I’ll try and then I actually can’t do it and I don’t know why or what’s wrong with me.
My little sister’s 11, and even though there’s not a big age gap between us, she just has a really hard time talking about feelings. If I try to talk about how I’m doing or explain anything about why I’ve been so distant, she tries to change the subject and avoid the conversation at all costs. It doesn’t help that she’s an extrovert, so being alone is one of the worst things that can happen to her (through her eyes), and she just is really hurt when I can’t spend time with her…though I know if I do, I’m just going to take everything out on her.
I’m going to try to talk to my mom when it just the two of us at home sometime this week, even though it’s gonna be hard for me and scary.
It really means so much to me that you guys have my back and are praying for me, so thank you <333
Yeah, I’ve been trying to do some of that. Though for some reason, the older I get, the more uncomfortable I get with hugs, and so it’s a bit of a challenge…especially since my sister, well, she’s a hugger and will squeeze the life out of you! *shudders* lol I’ve been trying to give her more hugs (even though sometimes I hate it…XD) and talk to her. Idk, we have ups and downs with our relationship. Some days we’re good, and some days we’re super awkward and the tension is super high.
Oh gosh, I reread your reply and I got all emotional and teared up all over again…thanks so much girl…
You have no idea how much it means to me that you took time to write that post and just relate to me…like it feels SO amazing to be related to. Seriously, that means so much to me.
There’s a boy a couple years older than me at my school, and we went through the exact thing. We were both homeschooled, and started public school the same year (and our moms are best friends!). We both went through the exact same stuff, feeling inferior to other, more athletic kids, and we just talk at basketball games about how we hate basketball lol I tell him stuff I don’t tell other people, because he actually gets it. All of it. He can relate to me in a way that even my parents can’t and it’s just so amazing to feel understood, you know?
Anyway, sorry I went off a tangent there XD
I really appreciate all your advice, and no, you’re not being too bold haha!
I actually have considered going back to homeschool. At first, I was scared that God still wanted me to go, and that by leaving I would be “ruining” His plans for my life. Now I know that that’s not true, but I’m scared that it will cause drama. Since it’s such a small community, I’m worried about all the gossip and backlash. But I’m learning to not care what others think, so if that’s what I do I’m just gonna have to be like “deal with it people” XD I’m also concerned about how I could progress in academics. I’ve been focusing on pushing myself really hard in school, and I’m worried about how I could push myself in homeschool. I feel like I could focus on it more, but at the same time, I would miss the structured environment. And what if I’m not prepared for the GED enough and can’t get into college?
I was thinking about this today, and I realized that if sacrificing friendships, college, and “reputation” is what it takes to get my family relationships back, I think that family should come first and I need to be willing to make sacrifices for my family.
Also, I’ve been feeling distant from God as well, and I just realized that maybe because of the tension between my family, it’s affecting my relationship with God. Like the verse that says to repair the relationship with your brother before making an offering to God (I’m paraphrasing here) came to mind and I was just like “oh…that‘s why…” XD
There are actually a lot of people that are super toxic and are trying to drag me into bad stuff, so that’s another reason why I want to leave.
I will probably not go to public school next year after a lot of thinking today. Though it’s a big change so I don’t want to rush it, but it seems like the best choice right now, and will probably do wonders for my family.
I’ll check out that book!!!
Thanks so much for talking to me about this <3 it really means the world to me.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333holy cow that was long….
thanks for praying!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333One of the problems is that for some reason, I’m just so scared to talk to my mom right now. I don’t know why, and that’s what makes it so hard. It’s like there’s a literal wall around my mind, or like I somehow forgot how to communicate with people. It makes me sad and frustrated because I’ll try and then I actually can’t do it and I don’t know why or what’s wrong with me.
That’s ok, I get it. I became distant from my parents a bit after some family issues as a way to protect myself, and I’m trying to get closer to my mom now. Often times when I share something about who I really am (For instance what movies I like) my stomach burns and I can feel my heart pounding. I want her to like me, and I’m always concerned if she sees who I really am she won’t like it. I’ve had to constantly remind myself that my worth is not based off of her perception of me (Or other people’s perception of me), because my worth is based off of the fact that Jesus died for me. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just hard to break out of old habits, and anxiety complicates thing (For me at least) it’s ok if things take awhile, but God can give you strength : )
My little sister’s 11, and even though there’s not a big age gap between us, she just has a really hard time talking about feelings. If I try to talk about how I’m doing or explain anything about why I’ve been so distant, she tries to change the subject and avoid the conversation at all costs. It doesn’t help that she’s an extrovert, so being alone is one of the worst things that can happen to her (through her eyes), and she just is really hurt when I can’t spend time with her…
If she’s 11 and avoiding talking about feelings than she’s immature for her age. Maybe your age gap isn’t big, but your maturity gap might be. Who knows, maybe it’s a personality quirk. But it’s not your fault. If you try, and she changes the topic, you can’t really do much about it and you shouldn’t feel bad. She’s responsible to work with you on this because relationships are two way.
though I know if I do, I’m just going to take everything out on her.
what do you mean? Like you’re upset so when you hang out with her your anger starts to seep out?
I’m going to try to talk to my mom when it just the two of us at home sometime this week, even though it’s gonna be hard for me and scary.
I’ll pray for you that it goes well! Once you do it one time it’ll be easier in the future when you have something really important to talk to her about. Parents are there to give advice, and It’s great if you can feel comfortable asking for it.
It really means so much to me that you guys have my back and are praying for me, so thank you <333
You are so welcome! I’m sorry to here you are going through this, I know how important relationships with siblings are in life and how difficult this must be for you. You got this girl!!
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Yeah…I’m trying to work on it but it’s so hard XD
If she’s 11 and avoiding talking about feelings than she’s immature for her age. Maybe your age gap isn’t big, but your maturity gap might be. Who knows, maybe it’s a personality quirk. But it’s not your fault. If you try, and she changes the topic, you can’t really do much about it and you shouldn’t feel bad. She’s responsible to work with you on this because relationships are two way.
That’s kind of what I’ve been feeling too. I feel like I had to grow up super fast when I went to public school, and she still gets to be a little girl. Which is fine, it just can get really annoying sometimes when I want to have a conversation with her. I’ll keep trying XD
what do you mean? Like you’re upset so when you hang out with her your anger starts to seep out?
Yep, pretty much. Then things just go downhill after that.
You are so welcome! I’m sorry to here you are going through this, I know how important relationships with siblings are in life and how difficult this must be for you. You got this girl!!
Awww <3
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Hey! I just wanted to pop in to let you know I’m praying for you and your little brother. ❤️I know how hard it can be to watch your siblings struggle, especially as an older sister.
I rolled the log over and underneath was a tiny little stick and I was like, "That log had a child
@whalekeeper @savannah_grace2009
I know how hard that can be! I’m praying for each of y’all and your families❤️
#HugRikerSquad
I talked to my mom last night and I feel a lot better now! (I don’t know why I was so scared…)
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I talked to my mom last night and I feel a lot better now! (I don’t know why I was so scared…)
Yay!! Taking that step is always scary. I’ve struggled to be vulnerable with my mom for years, too. It started in middle school when I felt like she didn’t really understand me, and as time went on I just continued to close off. I’ve been trying to open up more again the past few months, and it’s definitely not easy but it’s worth it. I do the same thing all the time, I freak out over something and then after the fact I wonder why I freaked out so much lol.
Now I know that that’s not true, but I’m scared that it will cause drama. Since it’s such a small community, I’m worried about all the gossip and backlash.
I mean, it seems like you’re dealing with drama no matter which option you choose (maybe I’m wrong about that?).
I’m also concerned about how I could progress in academics.
There are a lot of really good curriculums out there, and in my experience, my education as a homeschooler was better than what I got in my one year in public school. Institute for Excellence in Writing (IEW) is a really good writing program for high schoolers, and they have some advanced courses too. I don’t know what your strong subjects are, but I’m assuming English/writing is one of them. What would you be interested in going to college for?
There’s a boy a couple years older than me at my school, and we went through the exact thing. We were both homeschooled, and started public school the same year (and our moms are best friends!). We both went through the exact same stuff, feeling inferior to other, more athletic kids, and we just talk at basketball games about how we hate basketball lol I tell him stuff I don’t tell other people, because he actually gets it. All of it. He can relate to me in a way that even my parents can’t and it’s just so amazing to feel understood, you know?
Aw, I’m happy to hear you have someone you can talk to who understands! Sounds like that’s just one way God has placed someone in your life for this season!
"Real love is for your good, not for your comfort." -Justin Whitmel Earley
Yeah, I’ve been trying to do some of that. Though for some reason, the older I get, the more uncomfortable I get with hugs, and so it’s a bit of a challenge…especially since my sister, well, she’s a hugger and will squeeze the life out of you! *shudders* lol I’ve been trying to give her more hugs (even though sometimes I hate it…XD) and talk to her. Idk, we have ups and downs with our relationship. Some days we’re good, and some days we’re super awkward and the tension is super high.
Yeah, I get that.
Oh my goodness, my sister gives strangling hugs too!! 🤣 I’m not alone!!! Lol! It’s really not that bad, she’s gotten gentler, XD.
Oh gosh, I reread your reply and I got all emotional and teared up all over again…thanks so much girl…
Aww 🥹 Well I’m so glad I could encourage you. ❤️❤️
I’m also concerned about how I could progress in academics. I’ve been focusing on pushing myself really hard in school, and I’m worried about how I could push myself in homeschool. I feel like I could focus on it more, but at the same time, I would miss the structured environment. And what if I’m not prepared for the GED enough and can’t get into college?
*runs into this part of the conversation*
I am a lifelong homeschooler, so I may be able to give you a little bit of advice. Ok. I know a lot of homeschoolers who have pretty loosely strutted curriculums or even learning patterns. I personally do not prefer that and it’s not what our family does. We use a curriculum that helps their students achieve excellence and don’t quite let them slack off (for the most part). If you’re interested, it’s the Abeka Book program. It’s pricey, but it’s cheaper than going to most private schools full-time.
Another option that I would suggest is looking around your area for hybrid schools. For these, you go to school two or three days a week, and the rest of the days you do your schoolwork at home. For some hybrid schools, you have to be a full-time student and take all the core classes, but for others, like the one I attend, you can pick and choose which classes you take. For example, I only take drama at my hybrid school and I take my core classes at home with a separate curriculum. From what I’ve seen, it’s really cool and you get a mix of a community at school, while still having some flexibility. I don’t know if there are public hybrid schools, the only ones I’ve seen are Christian based. So yeah, just an idea.
Anyway, if you do choose to homeschool, make a routine and stick to it. That’s what helps me a lot. I mean, I’ve been taught not to slack off, but there are things I can procrastinate with and I shouldn’t. 😅
I talked to my mom last night and I feel a lot better now! (I don’t know why I was so scared…)
I’m so glad!! Yeah, those conversations aren’t always easy, but that’s what moms are for and after the conversation you always feel better. 🥰
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Oh and there are plenty of options out there to help prepare homeschoolers and public students alike prepare for college. One of the books we’ve read is Debt Free Degree. It gives you steps to prepare for college and graduate debt-free. It’s really great.
If you ever have questions about homeschooling, I got you. 😁 My brother graduates next year and he’s been homeschooling since the beginning, so I’m learning from him and I’m learning as I go too.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry I forgot all about this!!!
I mean, it seems like you’re dealing with drama no matter which option you choose (maybe I’m wrong about that?).
yeah pretty much…sadly…
There are a lot of really good curriculums out there, and in my experience, my education as a homeschooler was better than what I got in my one year in public school. Institute for Excellence in Writing (IEW) is a really good writing program for high schoolers, and they have some advanced courses too. I don’t know what your strong subjects are, but I’m assuming English/writing is one of them. What would you be interested in going to college for?
When I went to public school, my education was more advanced than the other kids’ in reading, writing, history, english, spelling, etc. but I really fell behind in math. I wasn’t really prepared much at all, and now that I’ve caught up I don’t want to fall behind again. I really enjoy reading and writing, but I do fairly well in all the other classes. I’m not sure what I’d want to do for college…still thinking and praying about it.
Aw, I’m happy to hear you have someone you can talk to who understands! Sounds like that’s just one way God has placed someone in your life for this season!
Exactly (:
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
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