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I meant every word! *Gratefully accepts chocolate as well* 🙂
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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@writerlexi1216 @issawriter7 @devastate-lasting Wait. How many Arias are there? I have one too! Of course, it’s short for Ariadne, but still.
@writerlexi1216 @gracie-j I mean, I think I have enough characters that there should be significant overlap with yours, haha…
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into daysAww, girl, you’re THE BEST!!!!!!! Aww, I sure hope so!! (LOL!! I’m basically the same way over here. I try to catch up on alllll my beta reading over the weekend. 😉 ) You’re welcome!!!!!! Yea, same here!!!! Aww, girl, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Wow, girl, really????!!!! That is just SOO cool!!!! I’m pretty sure I remember now reading about your character named Arya, ’cause I had thought that was AWESOME because the main character in my short story that was published was Aria!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comGirl, you’re TOO SWEET!!!!! A MILLION THANK YOUS!!!!
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com@gracie-j @devastate-lasting @writerlexi1216
WHOA!!!! We ALL have Aria characters??!! That is just the COOLEST!!!!!!!
and will now officially become my favorite name…just saying XDGod gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@devastate-lasting Yeah, same here!
@issawriter7 Sure seems like it!!! XDIssabelle!!!!! I just finished the second chapter, and IT WAS INCREDIBLE!!! Seriously, I was hooked from the opening line!! I really enjoyed how you wrote the tension (especially with Dolf), and I feel like I got very connected to Colin in the first chapter, which is a hard thing to do. He’s very relatable (and adorable), an amusing narrator, and his conflicts were very evident. SO CHEERS TO YOU!!! And, may I just say that a lamp with a genie is, like, one of the coolest things EVER? That must’ve been so fun to write about!
Oops, I guess I should pause the rambling and answer some of the questions, huh?
1. Yes! Very much! The opening line is very mysterious, and hooked me from the beginning!
2. 1001% YESSSS! If I found this in a bookstore, I’d without a doubt buy the book! 🙂
3. Uh-huh! Colin is very relatable (which is always important), amusing, and I feel like I’m connected to him already. Great job with writing him!
4. No, it’s not too choppy. Actually, your descriptions and imagery really stood out to me! I feel like I was fully immersed in every scene. Personally, I think choppy wording can be powerful for tense scenes.
Great job!!! And please–don’t ever be shy to post your work! It’s incredible, I promise. I really love this story and would honestly buy the book if I found it in a bookstore 🙂
REALLY? I can read any of your stories?! 😀 *jumps up and down and runs around the room with excitement* Seriously, I want to read all of the stories you are willing to share!!!!!!!!!! You’re welcome!!!!!!! I’m so glad I made your day. 🙂 That makes me very happy. And, oh, I think I can read your chapters soon because I don’t have any other beta reading to do!!!!!!!!!!!!
(First, I’m sooo sorry for how long it took me to get back. I had a crazy weekend.)
Aww, girl, a HUNDRED MILLION THANK YOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gasp* THAT IS SOO AWESOME because, it is really hard to get readers to connect with characters in the first few chapters like you said! YESSSS!!!! (lol, yes, he is adorable. XD) THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pumps fist in the air* YESS!!!! GENIES AND LAMPS ARE JUST SOOOO MUCH FUN TO WRITE ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really was!
Aww, girl, I’m really SO happy to hear all of this about the story!!! THANK YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!! Like, I don’t even know how to truly express my gratitude.
THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!! Aww, I shall try hard not to be too shy about posting my work. Girl, that’s like one of the best things EVER to hear that!!!!!!! *dances* I’m SO happy right now!!! THANK YOU!!!
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comYESSS YOU CAN!!!!!!! *also jumps up and down* *gasp* REALLY??!!! Aww, girl, that means SO MUCH!!! (Hehehe…but you probably shouldn’t have told me that because there are waaaay too many stories I’d be willing to share if I knew anyone would want to read it. XD) YES, YES, YESSSS!!!!!!! I saw you had already left a few comments and I just got SO excited!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comOh, no problem, girl!! 🙂 And I’m very happy that I could help!! (I mean, I mostly fangirled, so sorry XD) Yes, you did an AMAZING job with writing those first couple of chapters (and Colin), and I’m very interested to see what’s going to happen! I’ll try to keep reading more on the other doc soon, but I have a bunch of tests coming up, so it may be a while (sorry about that)! And of course!!! I enjoyed it VERY MUCH!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Oh, girl, your fangirling just means SOO MUCH to me!!!!!!!!! Every writer needs to be reminded that they’re story IS good!!!!! So, please don’t apologize, I LOOOOVE reading your fangirling comments!!!!!! They’re literally THE BEST!!!!!! <333 THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!!! WOOHOOOO!!!! I’m SO happy that you’re interested!!!!!! YAAY!!!! Though, don’t stress and all!! The document’s not going anywhere any time soon, so just whenever you can get to it and no worries!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck on all those tests, though!!!!!!!!! <333
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comHey Issabelle! Are you there?
Publishing doesn’t change your life??!! Pffft! I think it’s very encouraging to see your hard work get published and shared with the world!
You’re so welcome! Yikes, both English and American Gov. I wish you the best of luck! 🙂 I just finished up my college writing class, so I’m pretty much done (Now I’m trying to break into the freelance writer world).
So, I just finished reading your story (and my sister, who’s an avid reader, took a look too). I left some comments on your manuscript, but thought I should answer all your questions here 🙂
First off, I love Colin’s dry sense of humor! I think you have a strong imagination and a good idea for a story premise. Also, a nice strong hook to bait readers! Immediately, readers get a feeling/inkling that the man at the table is important, with hints of possible danger or conflict.
My first suggestion would be to consider incorporating more precise details. Precise, vivid details really ground readers in the scene; it makes it real and it makes it easy to picture. You did a great job by adding the detail ‘Greene’s Burgers’ to Colin’s apron. That’s precise and clear.
So is this line you wrote: “we had plastic cups and cheap plates,” Not just any cups or plates. Plastic and cheap. So, I’d suggest finding places where you could strengthen your description with strong, precise details.
Okay, second point. Colin is a great character (did I mention I love his dry sense of humor? 🥰 *I’m terrible with emojis, but I think this one means that I love it…. right? *heelp!*)
While I get that he wants adventure, for some reason I’m not entirely convinced as to why. He said that he was ignored and overlooked, and while I got a tiny feeling that was true when Rora entered the scene (and he wanted to get away), I felt like I needed some more… showing? Perhaps showing Rora ignoring him when he’s standing there (and she’s talking with Moriah)? Or through how his aunt treats him; maybe favors her other children over him? (I didn’t get the impression his aunt disliked him or anything. The absence of his uncle, though, is a good clue.) Interactions with other characters can be a powerful way to show a character’s disposition and how he’s treated/viewed. At the moment, I kinda feel like Colin is just telling me; can he show me why he wants to leave so bad and if he doesn’t what will happen?
Other than that, I really enjoyed your story, Issabelle, and I can tell this is one that you love. It’s amazing and exciting when you find the right character and plot line that just clicks together (I know, I had that same experience with my phoenix story!) I hope that this has been both helpful and encouraging. It’s not easy doing a fairytale retelling, much less Aladdin’s. But I totally believe you can do this! Don’t give up; keep at it! I’m cheering you on all the way! 🙂
Dream. Write. Inspire.
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Heya, Lily!!!!!!
Lol!!! XD Aww, THANK YOU GIRL!!!!!!
Haha, thanks, it’s, er, not been going so great. XD Oh, wow, that’s SO cool!!! CONGRATS!!!!!! Aah, yes, well good luck with all of that!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
Aah, yes, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for taking the time to read it!!!! Ooh, yes, AWESOME!!!!!!
Haha, that’s like my few favorite parts of the story is Colin and his dry humor. XD I had waaay too much fun writing that. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh, yes, THANK YOU again!!!!!
Ooh, yes, that’s a SUUUPER GREAT tip and I will ABSOLUTELY be remembering to be precise and vivid in my descriptions!!!!! THANK YOUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aww, really? I’m sooo glad you think so!!! I really looove Colin!! (Lol, I am the WORST at Emojis and have no idea if that’s the correct one or not, but we’ll just say it is. XD)
Ooh, YES!!! Those are some REALLY great pointers and thoughts and I can TOTALLY see what you mean!!!! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I truly appreciate that!!!! <333
YAAAY!!! I’m SO very happy to hear!!!!! Aww, well, I’m actually trying really hard to not get too attach to the story. Oooh, YESS it’s been soo helpful and encouraging!!!!! A HUNDRED THANK YOUS!!!!!!!!! Aww, girl, that really means a LOT!!! THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!!!!! But I should probably admit, I’m actually moving on from Into the Lamp. I like the feedback because it helps me to improve my next story. Like with the story before Into the Lamp, (A Spy’s Life) I got some of feedback that my story was lacking a strong character voice, so I did some research and focused a lot on character voice in Into the Lamp. And now I’m getting lots of GREAT feedback on Into the Lamp which I’ll then keep in mind as I work on my next novel, Heir to His Crown. And then after that I’m gonna have some beta readers and then I’ll probably write this other story idea I have that I’m calling, Forbidden. So, I’m just kinda keeping that track until one day I might actually published one of my stories. But that’s pretty far off right now. Again, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for taking the time for my story!!! I TRULY appreciate it!!!!! <333
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com
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