Contemporary Western Novel

[Rochellaine]

@notawriter Thank you so much for your feedback!  In response:

Goals and Motivations/Conflict I am actually having a little trouble with this one.  My idea of her is that she is not confident – loses her sense of direction very easily, and so is very afraid of having to take care of herself – and that she has a hard time with her self-image because of her height issues.  I understand the need to have a theme, and all that, but it is very important to me to have this be realistic, and the types of conflict I usually see are things like this guy has to avenge his father’s death, or this girl has to protect herself from a psychopath out to use her superpowered brain for scientific research.  🙂

So, I am kind of planning to have the story be a journey where she has ups and downs until she gains confidence, and can face the real world, and maybe I can tie the guy who lives off the grid into that theme as well.  Do you think this will work?  Do you have any better ideas?

It seems to me that most girls Chara’s age do not have huge goals and motivations.  They usually want to finish college, get married, find a job, or things like that.  Right now she is on vacation, so gaining confidence is the only “goal” I can think of, which she might or might not actually know is her goal.

And yeah, I agree about her aunt’s name. 😀  I had originally named her something else, but disliked the original name and changed it to Cheri, which does sound way too much like Chara.  I’ll keep looking to find a better Aunt name.

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[Rochellaine]

@notawriter I just had a great thought.  I used to read a lot of old westerns, (Zane Grey, William MacLeod Raine, B. M. Bower,) and am trying to write this with the same type of storyline, but modernized.  But when I read those books, I was looking for entertainment, and not for themes and character arcs.  I mean, I noticed those things in the back of my head, but I wasn’t really paying attention.  So I’m going to go back and read/skim-through a lot of those books and find what kind of style the authors used to bring realistic themes into the West, and see if I can modernize any of them.

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[valtmy]

@rochellaine

Hi. I’ve read your opening. Chara is a very relatable character (since I have height issues myself) and the part where she got blown back was very cute and funny. I think your story has a lot of potential to be a nice, relaxing and refreshing read amidst all the overdramatic and fantastical plots nowadays. A realistic “journey” towards growth and confidence sounds like an excellent idea.

However, I agree that there are problems with regard to character goals, motivations and conflict. For example, I understand that Chara is visiting her aunt and uncle during vacation but is there a reason why she is coming here specifically? Given her confidence issues, perhaps she wants some familiar faces around when being in a strange new place but it is not very clear.

To make the growth of your character stronger and more compelling, you may also want to highlight why exactly it is so important for Chara to learn how to find her way around better or get over her height issues. You have demonstrated her insecurities and tendency to get disoriented in the scenes at the airport and on the plane but so far these problems have caused her nothing more than minor worries and inconveniences. Perhaps you can start the story and introduce Chara as a character in her “before adventure” life by beginning with a scene where she gets into some kind of trouble, loses a great opportunity, gets humiliated or embarrasses herself because of her insecurities (doesn’t have to be anything dramatic like encountering a psychopath). It could then provide more motivation for her to run all the way to Nevada for a while to take a breather from her normal life and social circle. Then when she returns home at the end of the story, her development can be seen by showing how she handles her past situation.

Hope that you will add more parts soon! Can’t wait to see how the rest of your story goes 🙂

[Rochellaine]

@valtmy Thanks for commenting!  You make some very good points.

Giving Chara a bad experience at home so that she flees to her aunt and uncle’s house to mature and then go back to face the problems at home is a reasonable idea, and I’ve read several books with that premise.  My problem with it is if something like that happened to me, I don’t think my mom would tolerate for a minute my running off.  Facing your problems is a much better way to solve them, just like the fact that you must get back on a horse the minute you fall off, or you’ll never get on again.  So with some hands-on parents, I don’t think Chara would be allowed to react that way to a problem that just happened because of her insecurities.

Would it be good enough if I just explained something like her parents went on a month-long vacation/second-honeymoon?  And her brother could be on a business trip.  So then, because she gets so worried about taking care of herself Chara would rather spend one day traveling in very stressful (for her) circumstances and then have the rest of the month with her uncle and aunt taking care of her?  You seem to want a huge, stressful reason for her to go all the way across the country, but would this simple reason suffice?  A lot of kids do go to stay with relatives during the summer.

What do you think?

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[valtmy]

@rochellaine

Haha sorry about coming across as wanting to give stress to poor Chara. I have a habit of stressing out my own characters, especially at the beginning of my stories where I need to kickstart the plot so that was just where my mind went. 🙂

The problem I had as a reader was that I don’t particularly feel a need for Chara to change, learn or grow when she was introduced since the consequences of her insecurities are so minor. If the point of the story is for her to grow stronger and learn how to tackle life’s problems, then I need to know what are the life’s problems that she is facing so that I can cheer for her.

Her being worried about taking care of herself so she chooses to stay with her aunt and uncle is a great idea (Though I might suggest that you could mention that her parents helped her book the flight etc. since making travel plans itself could be a stressful activity that Chara might want to avoid if she could. You could also use this to justify why Chara is still so unsure of own abilities even though she is already nineteen by having her parents be too protective so they help her too much with all these little things so she is very sheltered). A scene showing her being unable to cope with living by herself (maybe not knowing what to do when there is sudden blackout because she doesn’t know where the circuit breaker in her home is or something) would show her as a character with weaknesses that I want to see grow in strength and independence.

[Rochellaine]

@valtmy Okay, that makes sense, but would the scene have to be before the airport scene, or could it be later in the book as Chara remembers it happening?

There should be a pretty stressful scene in a few pages and I’m planning to have her unable to take care of it until someone helps her.  This should show her at the bottom of her self-reliance ability, and then as the story progresses hopefully she will grow more able to deal with things.

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[valtmy]

@rochellaine

Yes, I think it works best as as scene that Chara remembers instead of putting it in the beginning. Maybe when Chara is at the “bottom of her self-reliance ability”, she can think about how stuff like this always happens to her and have her flashback to give an example. Then to make her background clear and make Chara appear as a realistic and flawed individual, you can consider making Chara unconsciously blame her parents for keeping her so sheltered without realising that maturity and the ability to take responsibility for oneself are things she needs to develop on her own until she gets her “moment of truth” scene.

I like the way your story is going! I think your main character’s flaws can actually generate lots of conflict. Just some suggestions:

#1: So far everyone has been very nice and friendly to Chara. But I think, realistically, there will be quite a few people who will have bad reactions to having to ‘take care’ of someone who doesn’t know how to handle herself (on a recent vacation, my sister and I got irritated by our mother who expected us to handle all the planning and directions and help her find her way around) especially when they see that she is already nineteen years old.

Maybe Chara’s uncle and aunt thought that she was offering to help them around in their ranch when she came over (no free lunch in the countryside after all). Then they get upset when she wants to stay indoors and read her books all day.

#2: There are plenty of things that can go wrong in a farm/ranch that can be explored and tied in with the main plot. For example, I once watched a show where a character working on a farm makes a mistake that ends up costing his employer quite a bit of money. He ends up being wrecked by guilt, works twice as hard as usual and feels compelled to take a cut in his paycheck. Then there is a beautiful scene where his employer forgives him, shows appreciation for his hard work and insists on paying him his full salary.

Perhaps some of the missing horses went missing because of a mistake that the inexperienced Chara made (she may not have caused it but she might have contributed to it). This will motivate her to try to put things right by finding the missing horses and possibly provide conflict with one or two of her allies who blame her for the situation.

[Rochellaine]

@valtmy Those are great suggestions!  I really like the thought that some people might get irritated with her needing them to be with her all the time.

Her aunt and uncle actually don’t live on a ranch.  They live in a house in the middle of the city. (Las Vegas).  They are medium strong Christians, and very laid-back.  They either don’t have children of their own, or their children are grown, so they are happy to have Chara, and kind of spoil her.

However, the friends she meets could get frustrated with her timidness, so I will probably use that.  My only problem is how to write that when I have never experienced it.  I mean, I have seriously never met anyone over the age of 14 who was deliberately unkind to anyone else.  (I just know a lot of really nice people. 🙂 )  But I think I can convincingly write someone who is generally nice, but eventually is just having a bad day, and is tired, and so gets fed up with Chara’s constant need for care.

This actually gives me a really good idea for a scene later in the book which I had half planned, but couldn’t figure out one part of.  I think I know how to do it now.

And as far as her messing up and beating herself up for it – that was actually part of my plan for her character in the first place.  Once she does or says something she thinks is a little wrong, I think she will go over and over it in her head until she “wears herself to a frazzle” even if the other person immediately forgets the whole incident.

Thank you so much for all your detailed comments!

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[The fledgling Artist]

@rochellaine

Just The fact that you’re aware of the issue is a good sign!
I don’t have any super good advice for you (sorry! 🙁 ) But once you’ve got a goal/motivations for Chara, A good way to introduce conflict is for one of the other characters (the more the MC cares for them the better, in my opinion)  to have a goal that conflicts with Chara’s goal. Or vise versa.

Though one thing I would be careful of, (I think you said there would be romance between her and someone? I assume the guy who helped her walk in the wind) is that having a romantic relationship shouldn’t be what ‘fixes’ her confidence issues. As romantic relationships tend to magnify ones personal issues, instead of solving them.

I agree that reading some westerns is a great idea! I hope they spark some good ideas! 😀

Sorry for the late reply! I hope at least something I said could still be helpful somehow! 😉

and I was so confused

[Jenna Terese]

@rochellaine I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to read your story! it’s been a busy couple weeks.

I really liked Chara, she struck me as being down-to-earth. And I liked that you made her short and made it that she didn’t have complete confidence in herself; it made her even more relatable. Overall, I really liked what you have so far! 😉

I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com

[Rochellaine]

@notawriter Great point about conflicting goals.  I’ll work on figuring that out.

I agree with you that a romantic relationship should not automatically fix her issues.  But it also shouldn’t be just tacked on because I want her to be in a romance.  The guy can’t just be there as a love interest, but he has to be a real person who helps with the plot, and with Chara’s struggles.  If you think about the Biblical romance (Christ and the Church) being in that relationship does fix issues.  So I’m planning to have it that she figures some things out on her own, and some things he says to her allow her to realize the problems she has with her confidence.  So it’s not necessarily the romance that he brings, but the wisdom he shares.  I think I will know how to do this because I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, but I have learned things from what people (guys and girls both) have said to me and put them to use myself.

What do you think of this plan?  If you disagree, or have any comments, please let me know! 😀

@jenwriter17 Awww, I like Chara toooo. 🙂 😀  Down-to-earth is an interesting way to describe her, though.  I hadn’t thought of her that way.  I pictured Derek more like that(the guy, you know 🙂 ) but I guess she kind of could be?  I usually think of down-to-earth as someone who has things covered, and is grounded.  She doesn’t really seem that way.  What do you picture down-to-earth as being?

Glad you liked it!

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[The fledgling Artist]

@rochellaine I have an idea, feel free to disregard it though. So if you don’t want the romance to be ‘just tacked on’ and you also agree that he shouldn’t be a solution.. What if he is a problem that Chara has to work through? Irl love is hard, that’s why so many people break up or divorce. That being said he could, at the same time  definitely help her see truth about herself. 🙂

One thing I would like to add.. cautiously. (I hate disagreeing with people!) the comment “If you think about the Biblical romance (Christ and the Church) being in that relationship does fix issues.”

I agree that Christ is the solution to all the churches problems, but at the same time Christ is perfect, and we as flawed human beings are not. We hurt and disappoint people. Christ is the only one who is perfect, and will never let us down. Just a thought! Not trying to attack you or anything. If i’m confused or you disagree with how I worded this i’m okay with that. (I accept that I too, am a flawed human being 😉 )

oh yeah and for me down to earth means honest and easy to talk to? I’m not sure now if that’s accurate but that’s just what the expression makes me think of 🙂

and I was so confused

[Rochellaine]

(I think there are some organizational issues with this post, but I hope it’s not to hard to read. 🙂 )

@notawriter He is a problem that Chara has to work through?  How do you mean?  If you’re talking about a huge emotional debate about whether or not he’s good enough for her, I really wouldn’t like that. 😀

About a relationship fixing issues, I was thinking more along the lines of how fathers are supposed to tell their daughters they’re beautiful, so the girl will be able to walk with confidence.  A lot of people say, “Tell your daughter that she is beautiful when she smiles” for those who don’t want to encourage vanity.  I wasn’t really meaning the fact that her being in a relationship would fix issues, but that him not minding her issues would help her realize that she shouldn’t mind them either.

Ultimately, the most important relationship is the one we share with God, and I agree that humans can never come close to matching the perfection of that relationship.  But we are supposed to try, as best we can.  I have actually seen in real life when emotionally challenged people are shown the love of God by others, their emotional issues are broken down and swept away.

Have you heard about how people deal with trauma where they have things that trigger them?  Like if someone was attacked in a certain restaurant, and now every time they see that restaurant they get a panic attack.  The way to overcome that is for someone they care about to go with them to that restaurant and talk to them about lots of good, happy things.  Eventually the bad memories will be replaced by good ones.  (I’m not making this up.  I’ve both seen it and read about it.)

I think it’s the wording here that’s the issue.  I’m not wanting the fact that she is in a relationship to fix her issues, but the fact that Derek is a nice guy and can help her fix her own mind, rather than replacing it with his.  I think I’m confusing myself here as well…But does this make any sense at all?

Don’t worry!  It is extremely hard to offend me.  You’d have to do it intentionally. 😀 😀  I love having your input, especially since I’m still basically in the planning stages of this story, and have no idea where I’m going.  So if you still disagree with me, please go ahead and explain why.  I like hearing many arguments…After all, I’m in law school. 🙂

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[Rochellaine]

@notawriter Oh, by the way, I don’t think she’s really going to be in a relationship.  Derek’s more the “love interest” than the boyfriend.

And her relationship with God will be developed too, so don’t worry about her friends having to fix all her problems.  Some of the counseling from them will probably have to do with how to grow closer to Christ, Who can really help her.

"Sylvester - Sylvester!"

[The fledgling Artist]

@Rochellaine Hmm.. Like if they would have conflicting goals, or even just some sort of issue they have to work though for their relationship to work? Im not good at explaining myself sorry haha.
Ah I think We’re on the same page now ^-^ I do agree with what you’ve said here. You’re story sounds cool and im excited for you. 😀
If you have any more questions i’m only a tag away haha.

Ps?
Oh, okay I was under the impression by the end of the book they would be together.
That does change things a little I suppose *chuckles* Though If they don’t I would be careful that your readers expectations aren’t too.. Like expecting them to get together. I could be wrong about this but i’m under the impression that unless done intentionally you shouldn’t really ‘promise’ your readers something like that and then not do it? I feel like this part of my post doesn’t make sense sorry! xD

and I was so confused

[Author]

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