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@rochellaine I love it! You have me really excited to see whatās next, and Iām pretty sucked into the story from the first few pages on, so good job! PLEASE WRITE MORE! and post it or you could just hurry up and write the whole thing and send it to me please! š š š
The Kingdom has been torn asunder...
http://www.encircledbygrace.com/@rochellaine I rather enjoyed this! I really liked the funny moments that were in there. And I can confirm that navigating airports can be daunting even for the seasoned traveler. All-in-all, I would keep reading this. š
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Glad you liked it!Ā What funny parts, exactly?Ā I mean, itās light, and fun, but what parts were funny to you?
Oh, do you travel often?Ā I fly about once a year to a conference my law school holds in Nevada but thankfully my brother always goes with me, so I donāt have to worry about finding my way around.Ā I just follow him, and he takes care of everything. š
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Getting blown over by the wind was pretty funny. I live in an area where the wind is on a breezy day about 10-15 mph. And there have been numerous occasions where I had to go out in 30 mph wind. So, that was kind of a relatable part that made me giggle. Also dealing with unyieldy suitcases and seeing the Las Vegas airport. I was there last year and Charaās experiences just brought back some funny memories.
I used to fly about two or three times a month by myself, ever since I was five. The past few years itās only been about three or four times a year. Changing planes when youāve got five minutes between each flight when youāre at a new airport is one of the hardest experiences. But it is most certainly an adventure.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder When I went on the bridge next to Hoover Dam the winds were pretty strong, but I donāt know the exact mph.Ā I thought of this scene, and when I researched for it I found that the wind gets up to 50 mph there, and thatās enough to blow a 100 lb person off her feet.Ā Chara is little, so sheās supposed to be about 90-95 lbs, and could easily be blown backward if caught off her guard.Ā Which was probably a little more fun for me to write than for her to experience, right? š
Wow!Ā Are you able to tell me why you fly that often?Ā It seems unusual.Ā Do you live in the US?Ā Iāve only ever heard of businessmen commuting like that.Ā My brother and dad fly once every couple of months, and most people we know thinkĀ that is a lot.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Yeah, being blown backward by winds that high is probably a whole lot more fun to write than to experience! š
Flying as often as I did is unusual, but my folks lived 300 miles apart. Driving simply wouldāve taken way too long. š Of course, there were also family vacations that we would go on that had us going all over the country. And yes, I live in the US.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Okay, that makes sense.
Have you ever realized how big the US is compared to other countries?Ā A lot of tourists come here and say that they want to see the Statue of Liberty, the Grand Canyon, and the White House, and donāt realize that it takes hours and days of driving time to get from one to the other.Ā š
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Yes, I have noticed that. I once heard a story about some Americans who were in Europe on a bus tour. At one point the bus had to drop some people off at a different destination and the head of the tour apologized about how long the drive would be. The Americans were getting themselves prepared for about a six or eight hour long ride. Turns out the ālong driveā was two hours. I couldnāt help but laugh at that story.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Haha, yeah.Ā I read one of my little sisterās books which was set in England, and the story was about a little girl who was sad because her grandmother or something lived far away on the coast, and usually they spent the summer with her, but couldnāt this year, so she missed her.
I looked it up, and turns out they were about two hours away from where the grandmother lived!Ā In the US, that means they would have at least seen her once a month, right?
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Oh wow! Iāve been reading a story set in 1950s and this kid was hiding in a seaplane for a little while and when he got out he found out he was in France. It took me a while to figure out why after just a few hours he was in France. I had remembered just a few pages before them mentioning the East Coast. Then it hit meā¦the east coast of England! How could I have forgotten what country they were in?
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Oh, haha. šĀ Yes, we Americans do tend to think of our country as the center of the universe.Ā Why would anyone else need an East Coast?Ā Our East Coast is fifty times bigger than the East Coast of England, right? š
(No offense to the British people here.Ā Iām being sarcastic.)
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Awesome! canāt wait to read it. Iāll be busy the next few days, so it might take a while for me to get to reading it. But Iāll definitely let you know what I think as soon as possible. š
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@rochellaine
Alright! I just finished reading it, and overall I liked it! There were a few things that stuck out to me though.Ā
Okay the two main things, its not very clear what her goals or motivationsĀ are. (Which is something that canĀ weaken what would otherwise be a reallyĀ strong character)
And then there doesnāt seem to be any source of conflictĀ yet. (Something that can cause readers to get bored of your book a lot faster, I think.)
And this is kind of nit picky but her aunt Cheriās name sounds a lot like Charaās ā or at least visually they look a lot alike. (NotĀ necessarily a bad thing, but if you changed it, I think It would be easier for readers toĀ distinguish the characters from one another.)
But yeah, that ones not by any means a big deal. š
I also have two characters (its even worse because they are BOTH main characters) who have similar names. Trouble is, iām just so attached to both I couldnāt imagine changing either oneā¦ But eh anyways..Chara is a very likable and relateableĀ character š (even though iām tall and have never flown on a plane.) And I can tell youāre off to a great start! Sorry if my feedback seems rude or unhelpful!
If you have any questions I canātĀ guarantee a helpful answer but ill sure try! šand I was so confused
Whoa, I think thatās the longest post Iāve ever made. o-o
and I was so confused
@rochellaine
Oh yeah, P.s I suppose.. I just wanted to say I realize, that was only the first few pages so I donāt mean to imply your story doesnāt have those first few things I mentioned.Ā You just might want to introduce those elements sooner, or foreshadow them?and I was so confused
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