WalkByFaith

@rae

Yeah, don’t worry if you don’t get to all of them! I know it can be a lot, lol.

@rae

Thanks! That’s so sweet <3

And I’ll go back to EDITING on the first part like you said. You have great feedback! Wanna read the whole thing, XD I’ll post the link! https://editor.reedsy.com/s/p8SdhuQ (if you don’t want to that’s totally fine!) Unfortunately, I don’t have any more chapters following this one, but if you want to critique the…[Read more]

@acancello

Aww, thanks girl!

@savannah_grace2009

Shes worried about Hugo!💗 😍 🥹 This was such a good scene you wrote!!

@savannah_grace2009

I like that a lot better! It’s really up to you, though. Rae had some good feedback!

@savannah_grace2009

Sure 🙃

@trailblazer @hybridlore

Is this better?

“Last night, I had a dream…” Lilitu began. They stopped walking in a clearing. “I saw this girl…” he shook his head. “She was crying. She looked so sad, and hopeless…And it was so vivid. I could feel her pain, her suffering, and there was nothing I could do.” His voice was strained. Is he crying? Sef wonde…

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@thearcaneaxiom

BWAHAHA we know your name, now we can hack you! hehe

@trailblazer

Ofc! I love stories with that kind of friendship…makes me miss my best friend, lol.

@esther-c @acancello @trailblazer @grcr @rae @mineralizedwritings

Ottoline

“Ottoline! Where are you?” Hugo’s voice echoed down the stairwell. His voice contained some sort of urgency. “Ottoline!” She heard his footsteps coming down the stairs. “There you are,” he sighed when he saw her and smiled his crooked smile that never failed to make…[Read more]

@trailblazer

“I don’t want to lose you.” I was surprised to see tears welling in Etta’s eyes.

Aww, I love their friendship! This almost made me cry XD

I agree with Hybridlore, I don’t think the summary-type writing is a bad thing. It fits great with this story!

@esther-c @trailblazer

Yeah, it does end abruptly. I really don’t like this chapter, lol. I guess….more EDITING! SO MUCH FUN!!!! (not.)

@hybridlore

Maybe something like that? I mean, Lilitu already described what happened, sort of, and I feel like it gets a little graphic in the actual flashback part. But it’s really up to you, if you feel l…

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@trailblazer

Yayy! Looks good! I don’t mind the summary kind of telling, I think it works well for this story.

@esther-c

That’s okay! Thank you!

@mineralizedwritings

I think Katrin needs a goal. even if it isn’t the typical dystopian goal about overtoppleing the government. She can also pursue one goal, then realize she has to reach even higher if you really want to push the climax. Maybe that’s when she gets a little help from side characters, or remembers the things she has learned ove…

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@thearcaneaxiom

I agree with Min and Jonas on everything they said. Resolve of the character will balance the unresolved political structure.However there’s still a lot of things you could do to end it differently. For one thing, most dystopias almost never talk about what happens after they take down the government. They need to reestablish e…

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@grcr

Thank you!

Also, @savannah_grace2009 I was gonna ask, how does she know that Lilitu dreamed exactly what happened to her before he even describes what happens?

@savannah_grace2009

I didn’t really notice it seeming clunky! I like the part where she’s thinking back to playing pretend with her friends, it’s so sweet.

Personally, for the flashback part, I think I would leave it out and give more of like a summary, sort of like:

She knew that this was no ordinary dream. And not just because of his reaction.…

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@freedomwriter76

Nice!