SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨

@savannah_grace2009 @esther-c @mineralizedwritings @rae @acancello

Kari

A bang from the basement drew Kari’s attention to the basement door. What could that noise be? A gunshot? Her stomach twisted into a knot, and as she looked around the room, she realized Ottoline was missing, and come to think of it, so was that new girl. Alarm bells rang in…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

So I read your epilogue and a few things stuck out to me…

(ordered by relevance)

1. I love it.

2. In the first part I almost think you use the Name ‘Great One’ a little to much.

3. While Rishona may grow angry, I doubt in such a perfect world she would try to slap someone with no respect. If Elysium is perfect, and the…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Yes, that definitely makes it clearer. With the cover, it might be better to have the puzzle pieces cover all or at least most of it. Obviously you have a limited amount of pictures to show, but it would probably look better to have more.

@savannah_grace2009

lol. Alright, so I’m still collecting my thoughts a bit, but here’s what I took down so far:

When a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become a warrior comes to the southern Burnish orphanages, five of the one hundred competent orphans chose to become warriors. Among those was the quiet and loyal Shrapti Yelper, son of the…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Hey, I just saw this and as a mapmaker decided to place a bit of input.

If you want to do digital maps, there is a thing called Inkarnate. It’s where you can build your maps online. The downside is that to access all their tools, you need to buy their premium option, but they also have a free option.

I am a self-trained…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Also, I have some more thought about what I was talking about earlier.

So, with Marcurious’ concern that Ottoline will want revenge, maybe you could put that in later, the next time they see each other. It seems odd that Marcurious, while he is suffering from the effects of poison and surrounded by his captors, is worried t…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Just out of curiosity, is UNIT an acronym?

@savannah_grace2009 @jonas

Yeah, I didn’t think about it much. I assumed that Ottoline was there simply to scare Marcurious, and to scare her by witnessing his pain. It is a bit of a weird moment though because he assumes that Ottoline was there to torture him, but then we see him just being tortured from her perspective. It’s not that this scene…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

GIRL…

YOUR WRITING STYLE IS AMAZING I LOVE IT SOOO MUCH!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

@mineralizedwritings

AAAHHHHH I LOVEEE TAUREN AND LESLI SOO FREAKING MUCHHHHH 😍😍😍😍😍😍

@everyone-else-cuz-im-too-tired-to-comment-on-everything-sorry-yall-lol

I love everyone’s writing SOOOOO MUCH!!! Y’all keep going, you’re doing great…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Explain what a RP is to me and I’ll do it. I really need to jog my brain!

@savannah_grace2009

Okay, yikes! Poison!?! A bomb?!?

Although, would that really be the top of his concerns when he sees Ottoline? Both of them are in prison and she’s only part-Azer, so it doesn’t quite seem logical that he would be legitimately worried about her trying to get revenge. It’s a funny reaction, but it relies a lot on the reade…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Yea, that makes sense. I think the fact that we don’t even know what he did to offend them and that Ottoline is only part Azer makes that kind of convoluted, so you definitely want to explain it more.

@savannah_grace2009

Oh, okay. I think you could definitely make that clearer. So the point of the Pythonos doing that was to torture Ottoline by making her watch him in pain? And his reaction was caused by the experiments they were doing on him and not by Ottoline’s presence?

@savannah_grace2009

I’m caught up too. I don’t have any feedback right now, just a question:

Is Marcurious somehow allergic to Azers? And if Ottoline was a full Azer would he have died?

@savannah_grace2009

Aww, yours are great too!!

@savannah_grace2009

Cool! 😅

@savannah_grace2009 @esther-c
Alright I’ll be sure to tag both of y’all!

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks, but I feel like it’s to, to…undescriptive? I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem Nahim. It seems wrong, somehow.

@savannah_grace2009

Its a long story tbh… For a while there, I would just jumble up a bunch of letters and put them into Google Translate to hear the pronunciation (thats how I got Shrapti, and thousands of other weird names).

But I kinda stopped doing that though, and just used words I thought were cool (like Wolf, or Gate, or Cannon…)

(I…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Alright, so I finally got a chance to catch up again.

I actually don’t have too many comments on the latest 3 chapters as far as critiques go other than maybe Neveah’s part. I’m all for her having sudden resolve of vengeance, feeling intense emotions of anger and hatred, but it also felt perhaps a bit too sudden. Right now…[Read more]