SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨

@savannah_grace2009

Okay, yikes! Poison!?! A bomb?!?

Although, would that really be the top of his concerns when he sees Ottoline? Both of them are in prison and she’s only part-Azer, so it doesn’t quite seem logical that he would be legitimately worried about her trying to get revenge. It’s a funny reaction, but it relies a lot on the reade…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Yea, that makes sense. I think the fact that we don’t even know what he did to offend them and that Ottoline is only part Azer makes that kind of convoluted, so you definitely want to explain it more.

@savannah_grace2009

Oh, okay. I think you could definitely make that clearer. So the point of the Pythonos doing that was to torture Ottoline by making her watch him in pain? And his reaction was caused by the experiments they were doing on him and not by Ottoline’s presence?

@savannah_grace2009

I’m caught up too. I don’t have any feedback right now, just a question:

Is Marcurious somehow allergic to Azers? And if Ottoline was a full Azer would he have died?

@savannah_grace2009

Aww, yours are great too!!

@savannah_grace2009

Cool! 😅

@savannah_grace2009 @esther-c
Alright I’ll be sure to tag both of y’all!

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks, but I feel like it’s to, to…undescriptive? I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem Nahim. It seems wrong, somehow.

@savannah_grace2009

Its a long story tbh… For a while there, I would just jumble up a bunch of letters and put them into Google Translate to hear the pronunciation (thats how I got Shrapti, and thousands of other weird names).

But I kinda stopped doing that though, and just used words I thought were cool (like Wolf, or Gate, or Cannon…)

(I…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Alright, so I finally got a chance to catch up again.

I actually don’t have too many comments on the latest 3 chapters as far as critiques go other than maybe Neveah’s part. I’m all for her having sudden resolve of vengeance, feeling intense emotions of anger and hatred, but it also felt perhaps a bit too sudden. Right now…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Oh good idea! I’ll look some up. Thanks!

@savannah_grace2009 @hybridlore @esther-c @whoever-else

There is something really wrong with this scene. I can’t figure it out at all. Help!

“I told you not to go anywhere.” Mandin was half-laughing.

Nahim turned around suddenly, forgetting his helmet rested in the flowers beside him. Mandin froze, a look of shock in his features.

“What is th…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ooo! Nice board!

@savannah_grace2009

I shall begin reading, but I can’t promise I’ll have tons of time to read all of it now. Thanks for the link!

P. S.

Don’t worry about the number of chapters, I myself have only gotten to about ten on my current draft!

@savannah_grace2009

Shes worried about Hugo!💗 😍 🥹 This was such a good scene you wrote!!

@savannah_grace2009

I like that a lot better! It’s really up to you, though. Rae had some good feedback!

@savannah_grace2009 @esther-c @whoever (I never know who to tag.)

NAHIM

Everyone before had seemed to see him as some scary monster with that sword in his hand, and when he had tried to cut down the door it had gotten worse.

Now he had let his sword dangle limp from its usual place on his belt. He had set his helmet beside himself on the floor,…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I must be as blind as a bat!

Okay, I just read your revision of that last part and…I am never allowing you to change it. I have not had the same expierances as Sef, but I see myself in her. Sara, you’ve got this.

@savannah_grace2009

I get what you mean by clunky, I often feel like I have the same problem. Thses are the parts I think are the most in need of a little bit…

The air was pleasantly cold, nipping the tip of Sef’s nose as she walked in step with Lilitu. The sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet as they walked gave her a pleasant t…

[Read more]