Andrew

@linus-smallprint

beast.

Fine. I’ll write. I feel like I am everyone’s target. *sigh*

@liberty    (because I’m nice and you like my story. lol)

Josef looked down. “It’s complicated. I didn’t choose this. I’m just… trying to survive like everyone else.

Franz shook his head bitterly. “Survive? By enforcing fear?”

Josef dropped his voic…

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@linus-smallprint

Hmm. well, first of all the fact that the church has stopped being attacked. Then a reference Sabina made in her letter about the soldiers being super tense. Then Joseph notices the same thing.

Hmm. I wounder how true this will turn out to be.

Haha,

Poor Joseph. I completely understand his reaction to this.

I know poor…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

I forgot about this chat.

But hey, I finally get to write the next part of my story!

John was fed up with being stuck on the island, so he decided it was time to do something about it.

“Mother, can we please depart from this snowless island?”

His mother was tying some logs together. “John, how many times must I tell you,…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Joseph grinned. “I grew up with Asher and Eric. I’m pretty hard to annoy.”

Hmm. I wounder how true this will turn out to be.

“Let me put it plainly,” the Innkeeper said, tersely. “A young man on the wrong end of the Empire comes into town. He’s got no money, no family, no connections. He meets a pretty— and rather naïve— girl who…

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@rae

Ah! That makes sense!!

lol.

@ellette-giselle

That makes you uncomfortable? Just saying a guy wants to give the girl he loves a hug?

It wasn’t that. I don’t have any problem with unmarried people hugging or holding hands, unless it does become a temptation to sin. It was because of the implied temptation that I felt uncomfortable.

However, I want the reader to see that…

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Hey.

Just wanted to pop in to let you know I’m still praying for you Kefa.

May God be with you.

@stephie @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow

I know I told the others I would wait until the end of this draft before I discussed if the way I included magic in the last chapter went too far, but in the mean time, I would love to here your thoughts on the matter.

@keilah-h

No comment on Alan fighting Tyn and Oliver? I thought for sure you would protest about that. You kept on saying you were hopping Oliver wouldn’t betray Alan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgTEJ9xdILI (Strong determination. One of my favorite video game songs. But this only works when Alan kicks the door down. [Also, though I love the soundtrack, I don’t agree with the story of this game and would not play it.)

@ellette-giselle

As for the chapter itself. There was the part where Alan casts all those spells on himself and the stag. However, we were told that all memory of spells was erased from his mind. Plus, spells for killing bugs wouldn’t involve night vision, speed, strength, taming, etc. So, he would have had to look them up in the book, which was f…

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now I need to writer something for Nahim…

@ellette-giselle

She was being chased through the meadow by a teen girl. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.

@whalekeeper

They paint a clear connection between magic and animals, making them a power source to control,

You’re on to me. But did you notice there was one spell that included no animals?

@ellette-giselle

The spells. Why do we need to know the images?

I sincerely hope none of this offended you. If it came across as harsh or mean, that is not my intent. This is (as you can probably guess) something I feel strongly about.

@whalekeeper

I for one thought the spell images were well done…
And I think the images paint a good picture of w…

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@rae

I like it, but I’m confused about her age. She acts about five. Maybe eight if you want to stretch it. But I thought you said she was a teen. If she is, (why does she have such childish dialogue) and how is she hugging Baron around the legs? is he a giant?

Other then that, I really liked it! It’s a very sweet scene.

@loopylin @ellette-giselle

Baron scene!

Baron watched a little girl run across a meadow, flowers woven into her long silver hair. She was laughing in childish joy as a teen girl chased after her through the meadow grass. As he watched, a breeze welled around him, playing in his hair. He was like her Guardian Angel, her hero, who watched from afar…

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I’m kinda in between Whaley and Ellette on this. They both have good points I agree with.

It’s your call, Linus. Your story is the one on the line.

@whalekeeper I get that and to some extent agree. It’s just the inclusion of a detailed description of the spells kinda broke immersion for me a little. It didn’t seem THAT necessary.

@loopylin

lol, that is the best reason I think I’ve ever heard!

@ellette-giselle

That is such an un-cool reason to hit someone.

No! it’s great, I love it!

I’m so proud of my tag!

I know what I want!!!! I want more Baron.

Or Nahim.

Okay…I guess I can do that