ryry

@whalekeeper

Nooo Marcel the poor boy! He needs to see someone for that head injury

(But also yay cuz I might finally have an excuse to light Felicity’s short fuse)

@smiley

Ack! Sorry I’m late, but I finally found time to read this. M’kay…

So the one big thing that I noticed was a lot of telling and info-dumping. I could handle the information, but it’s not always enjoyable to read a bunch of backstory. Stuff like that should be sprinkled throughout. Besides that, there were a few places where things…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Of course! (:

@savannah_grace2009 @hybridlore @highscribeofaetherium @jonas @anyone

Ok, so I have bad writing, but my worst writing I deleted years ago!!! 😭 There was three chapters of a book I wrote on my parents computer when I was like 7, I tried to start a few books when I was 9/10/11, I had an almost completed book around 11, but I still have a book I…[Read more]

@rae

but I guess Sef isn’t there so… Whatever.

Oop, sorry, I assumed they started to switch partners like everyone else

@savannah_grace2009

I think so! You can go ahead and RP first if you want. 🙃

@whalekeeper

I love itttt. Marcel is the best

@jonas

Mr. Gregory 

“So, will you fight? Or do you yield?”

“False dichotomy,” Gregory grumbled.

“What was that, tyrant?”

Several students had stopped dancing and were now watching them, some curious and some nervous.

“The rules are in place so that these students can enjoy their dance as much as possible, I’m sure. You are not only breakin…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

I think you’re writing her pretty well except she probably isn’t completely calm rn. But she would be pretending to be Babs’ sake, so nvm, it’s good.

Felicity

“Like… angsty depressed teens? Or people who pretend they aren’t depressed, but then you look at them and you can clearly see that they… Ohhh wait, I think I see one.”…[Read more]

@rae

The writing you shared was a little depressing, but the characters weren’t melodramatic at least. I don’t pay much attention to punctuation as a writing problem. The art of melodrama is at an all time high here though. Like “He grabbed Nejin by the collar of his shirt, his eyes radiating hate, and rage.” After Nejin, a little boy he never…[Read more]

Oh, and this garbage:

“Shele” he said, turning around, immediately bumping into a tall, yet frail man.

 

He grabbed Nejin by the collar of his shirt, his eyes radiating hate, and rage.

Adrenaline rushed through Nejin’s system, but it gave no resolve to run or fight. Guards charged in, clearing the area, tackling the Man to the ground, losin…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

This is some of my writing I want to burn, bury the remnants in a dark cave, then collapse the cave to never see the light of day again, but here it is for you to enjoy…

“Mailes?… Do you think me a good Jan?” Laijas asked. Surprise stunned Mailes, what kind of question was that? It didn’t sound like something Laijas would…

[Read more]

@whalekeeper

Felicity

“Hey, wait, hold on.” Felicity held both of Babs hands in hers and looked her in the eye. “Whatever’s happening, it’s not one bit your fault. Marcel’s not a child.” She quickly scanned the room, trying to spot Calvin or Lois. “Would looking for him help you feel better?”

@jonas

Mr. Gregory 

“If you would like to keep your boots, and you are not going to dance, I suggest you then step outside.”

@jonas Don’t worry, he won’t fight Riina.  I’m going to do something else

@jonas

He’s a grumpy old war veteran who can use magic but prefers to use weapons. He’s also the best sword fighter from his world. He only teaches math at this school to keep an eye on Felicity and Lois, my other characters.

@jonas Mr. Gregory. He’s also known as the General to people from his world.

@lydibug Yeah, sure! They can be at the practice now. Should I rp, or do you want to?

The General would definitely win a duel, but I don’t think I want him physically fighting a student XD

@jonas  @highscribeofaetherium @rae

Well this escalated quickly…