Levi Pierpont

Yes @Daeus! Totally! The only thing is, you have to watch out for redundant flow:

He raked his fingers nervously through his hair. “So, this is just like the first one, only more complicated?”
She nodded. “Yup.”
He exhaled loudly. “Right.”
Her lips twisted in a little smile. “You okay?”
He swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, just great, thanks.”

See, it’s…[Read more]

@Daeus aw man, in that case I should have pounded it completely off and then asked you how it felt! 😛 *starts looking around for gavel* Now where did I put that thing? 😉

Love it, @writefury! Love it love it love it! I agree with Daeus— that one line

There. I can’t even see it anymore. I’ll be fine.

is awesome. And you’re right— tha…[Read more]

Oh, someone tell me how to make a link. I’m hopeless.

The hills are alive with the sound of music

Ahem. So I’m back. All tuned and ready to go. How was your singing lesson @daeus? I would imagine quite difficult. 😀

Anyway, I’ve realized I won’t be hear tomorrow probably. I’ll be out early, and I’m unsure what time I will get home. If I have time, I will definitely let you know.

*horrified gasp* Oh my goodness @Daeus let me see it! *drops gavel with clatter, springs in terror from her seat* Oh no, why did you have your hand there!?!?

Yes! Any opposed? *glances happily around* No?
Good.
*slams gavel down on desk with resounding crash* MOTION PASSES!!!!!

@Daeus ah. My bad. 🙂 I do see how that could be better, now that you mention it.

Reading through you guys’ comments, I’m seeing a lot about the German characters’ stilted speech, so I may be the one who’s wrong here, but I kinda got the impression it was supposed to be that way because they couldn’t speak proper English. @writefury I am mistaken?

@writefury
Okay, so can I be the first to say…WOW!!!! This is so amazing!!! I want to read ALL of this! I did notice just a few small things: after Jazz is listening at Jean’s door, you say Silence answered. To me, that doesn’t make much sense since he didn’t call out or anything so nothing could have answered him. That might just be me…hope…[Read more]

@writefury, I like it! I mean, I like them…the stories ideas, that is. 🙂

Oh, stop! You made my empathy kick in. *sobs miserably* But I can’t write with you, I’ve got singing…. Quick, someone come and write with @daeus.

Yes it was a recent critique. You can read the rest of it in the Short Story forum.

*sigh* @writefury

@daeus I won’t be able to join you today in writing as I’ll be out. Sorry.

@Daeus YES. I have surprised myself over and over again with the realization of what I was doing. Mostly it was with dialogue tags, actually— said furiously, shouted angrily, etc. etc. While there’s not anything particularly WRONG with those, it sounds better if I say ‘snapped’ or ‘screamed’, and it also lets the reader draw their own…[Read more]

ACK!!!!!!!!!! ACK ACK ACK GIVE ME THE REST GIVE ME THE REST I WANT TO SEE JEAN’S FACE WHEN SHE REALIZES COBALT IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! *collapses in nervous wreck on floor, melts into tears*

No complaints. Absolutely no complaints— just one thing, and it’s not really something badly done as much as it is something that could have been done…[Read more]

@rolena-hatfield
I know, right? Dreams are just odd…I’ve played hide and seek with polar bears and been slashed through the arm. (Okay, maybe mine are even stranger than everyone’s. *shakes head mournfully* *walks away weeping*) Anyway, stories. Well, I had to write a take-off on The Princess and the Pea, and it got very interesting. It was…[Read more]

@Daeus, YES, THIS IS SO HELPFUL. Thanks for sharing, Daeus! I struggle with “telling,” too, and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. 🙂