Jaybird

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks for the encouragement. I still feel like running back to the safety of fiction, but I am determined to stick this one out.

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on Chapter 4.

I almost have chapter five done too. I’m starting to slide into my writing roll. lol.

@savannah_grace2009

I think it has a really good start! I just can’t wait to see where it’s going.

Yeah, maybe take Puddleglum *clears throat* I mean, that other writing coach, with a grain of salt. Scratch that, maybe a pillar of salt. lol. However, I will say that there is something to be learned from everyone. So, try to see the gold in the…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

For some reason your comment didn’t load until just now! (I love bad internet. lol) Anyways, thank you so much for the feedback!!

Good, I’m glad I was able to incorporate some of your suggestions in that one!

Oh I love what you did in the example. Perfect. I get so caught up in making sure the info that is needed is there,…[Read more]

Aaaaand here’s chapter 4!!

 
Chapter 4
Julius paced back and forth near the window overlooking the street. Where is he? Why did he leave like that? What has gotten into him? “Curse that wretched Lucius!”

Julius slammed his fist against his palm several times. He spun on his heal and stalked down into the dining room. The slave girl who had giv…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Oh man! I must say creepy!

Goodness, it sure is good though. I really don’t like the decision the parents made. I mean, there’s just no excuse.

I’m excited to find out what happens to the child, though I have some educated guesses. Is this all you have written so far?

I did notice that you changed the wife’s name before…[Read more]

Oh man! I must say creepy!

Goodness, it sure is good though. I really don’t like the decision the parents made. I mean, there’s just no excuse.

I’m excited to find out what happens to the child, though I have some educated guesses. Is this all you have written so far?

I did notice that you changed the wife’s name before they joined the “Master”…[Read more]

OK, I have Chapter 3 ready to send. See if I broke up the dialogue in this one a bit better.

I don’t know if I love this chapter yet, so I’m open to thoughts. Now that I have y’all, I’m starting to really take a critical look at this book WHILE I’m writing it instead of after. It’s helpful to make changes now rather then at the end.

 
Chapter…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yay! I’m glad the second chapter was smoother.

Ah, I’ll keep that in mind. I was trying to portray that Ignatius just thought that Marcus was a scholar and was inquisitive. I guess I need to make that a little clearer. Thanks!

@savannah_grace2009

That’s an idea! I felt like the dialogue was a little tiresome near the end, but it…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ooh yay!! This is already sounding awesome! I’m so excited!!

@mineralizedwritings

I’ll be praying💖

(and when you can, pls check your insta; I’m about to send you a DM)

@freed_and_redeemed

I can’t wait. We could write a book together and make everyone else hate us because we leave them in tears all the time. lol.

@rae @savannah_grace2009 I feel attacked😂 jkjk. But seriously, the final Hans scene in Freedom’s Fire does break my heart🫠

@ellette-giselle Yessss, we shall get along perfectly😂💖💖

@theshadow

I really hate to do this again, but “wondered” was used twice again when Marcus was speaking to Ignatius.

No way!! I did not do that twice in a row! So sorry! haha! I normally catch that when I read back through it. thanks for pointing it out.

Oh, I’m glad the thing about Ignatius makes sense! No worries about not remembering!

@theshadow

I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with first chapters.

Oh dear, yeah, I had better use some body language. thanks for catching that. I’ll go back and hit some of those scenes!!!

Your right, if Ignatius was a normal guard. but, Ignatius is a Prætorian. As I mentioned in the first chapter, they are the elite soldiers, and in…[Read more]

@theshadow

Haha, no, I cannot stand repeated words! It’s like nails on the chalkboard!

Alrighty then, I’ll swap that scene around.

How is the second chapter? Better then the first? I always find my first chapter the roughest.

Ok y’all, here’s chapter two!!

 
Chapter 2
 

“Marcus. Marcus, can you hear me?”

Marcus slowly looked up. “What?”

“Marcus, what is wrong with you?” asked Julius. His tone was playful, but his green eyes held a hint of worry.

Marcus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. I’m fine. I guess I was just thinking.”

“Abou…[Read more]

@grcr

No problem. Someone else mentioned it seemed out of place, and maybe use a part of it later.

Glad it was funny though!

Ok, in just a sec I’ll send chapter two. Let me skim it real quick to make sure there aren’t any horrid errors that are clearly visible. lol.

@grcr

So keep the fountain sword scene or not? Now I’m confused. lol.

@savannah_grace2009

No your suggestions are amazing! They are just what I have been looking for!

@savannah_grace2009

Ok then. No worries. I’ll split it up. Right now this is just ideas. I mean, you guys are seeing this stuff literal the minute after a type the last word of the chapter. One I get farther into it I’ll have a more concrete setup.