Jaybird

@whalekeeper

yes!! I would love more feedback! I’m so sorry if I made it seem like I didn’t!

I was having a rough day when the whole Aaron critique thing happened. 😅

please, go right ahead!! I would love your thoughts! Sorry I haven’t been tagging you! I thought you were no longer interested in this!

@grcr

Yeah maybe… to give everyone time to respond to Keilah

That’s just what I was thinking.

Ok, here is the next (REALLY LONG!) section! Enjoy!!! I am hoping for LOT’S of feedback on this because I do some intense stuff! lol.

The first thing Aaron was aware of were shouts and the clash of steel. Sword fighting? But…

Aaron raised his aching head. He sat up and wiped blood from his face, and then reached for the wall and shakily p…

[Read more]

@grcr

Aw, thank you! Your’s was amazing too! Man, the paint flecks looked so real!!!

Ok, awesome! So, I should probably wait a few days, right? Like maybe give y’all a character tomorrow or Wednesday?

@linus-smallprint

HEY, THANKS SO MUCH! You know, that’s the first time anyone has ever said that to me.

So far I have no problem besides the ones I already mentioned, and honestly I’ll have to see where you take the story. I would say that right now we all trust Oliver as a very good character, so I would start to bring out more of him being a…[Read more]

@keilah-h

Wait! Really!!! Wow! Thank you so much!!

Everyone else did such a good job!! Wonderful drawings y’all!!

well…… dis anyone else call next character? If not, I would really love to have a go!

@linus-smallprint

do it’s an alternate reality. For instance, the Empire is Rome set in the German alps with Germanic people.

Ardenta is a French-Swiss cross in culture and people with more of a French-Scotch lowland setting.

Vendailia is an Anglo Saxon Britton cross.

so yeah, basically takes place in our world if some of the countries were s…[Read more]

@mineralizedwritings

I think the art of respectful disagreement is completely lost in today’s society. Or maybe… it’s just called maturity. XD

AGREED!

@rae

Ooo, I love these scenes. I find it most satisfying as a reader if you do a mix of both. Go from one point of view to another. Keep it fluid, but let us feel both characters struggles and grief.

So like this:

Good sized chunk about Nahim. (two to five paragraphs i would say, or somewhere around there)

***

Good sized chunk about…[Read more]

@stephie

Aw, thank you! That really means a lot to hear you say that!

Yes, @linus-smallprint is mean for doing that, (lol), but the cliff hanger wasn’t a huge shock. I kinda started to suspect and I guessed she knew something about his parents the minute she got all weird about his name. I need you to hit me with something harder if you want…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint @keilah-h

and here’s some more……

That night, as Aaron lay in bed, he wondered how soon he and the others would be up and on the walls. He dreaded another long night, yet he knew it was necessary to keep the enemy at bay. As his eyes began to close, Aaron whispered softly in the darkness, “Thy will be done Father, Thy w…

[Read more]

@mineralizedwritings

Hi Min!

Yes, Thankfully I have found it the same here! For me I used to not really speak what I thought when asked. I would just shrug or brush it aside, but I started feeling guilty about it. I came to the place where I knew I needed top say what I really believed. So I did. And the first time I did I was nearly blown to…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint @keilah-h

ok, took a second because I opened the doc and found it was covered in edits I forgot to fix yesterday……. sorry.

When Aaron arrived at the great hall, the people turned worried eyes on him. Aaron walked across the bridge that had been constructed from the rubble to the large stone in the middle of the water. He…

[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Right, I wouldn’t want them to get physical before marriage either. I guess I just know guys can have odd thought posses about things like this, and I was trying to make it more realistic. Believe me, it makes me cringe when guys think that way! lol. I can cut that.

@linus-smallprint

Yay!!!

Ok, here we go.

I disagree with Oliver. I think There is no excuse for doing evil.

Oh man, poor Oliver. That’s so depraved! Oh no!!! What if the Lyen king tries to do the same thing!!!!! Oh man!

Oh because Martha’s father is the one who found the wizard in the woods, and the wizard was Alan’s father! It’s…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Yes I recognize that, and I have noticed girls are pretty myself, but it is mostly just the awkwardness. As I read that scene I could not help but cringe inwardly. But, you are making me feel the way Aaron does at that moment, so that is not a bad thing.

My dad said that it’s the natural way for a guy to think, and he has to…[Read more]

@keilah-h

And that’s the way it should be…….. lol.

Other countries are hard to live in.

@keilah-h

Seems like that’s everyone who submitted something!

@keilah-h

Thank you! Yes, it is sad, but like you said, realistic.

Yes, we lived there for 4 years! Italy is a beautiful place to visit….. but DON’T live there. lol.