Hannah Whatley

Reading through you guys’ comments, I’m seeing a lot about the German characters’ stilted speech, so I may be the one who’s wrong here, but I kinda got the impression it was supposed to be that way because they couldn’t speak proper English. @writefury I am mistaken?

@overcomer Come 21 you can always create your own site. Your own site has your own rules. Or you find another place to publish or do Wattpad or something.

@sarah-h Yep

That’s such a fun story Bluejay! I love your writing style. Baby giraffes are so cute!

@Bluejay, well at least you’ve got a top notch excuse. Actually, I’ll be taking classes from the crickets, so it’s all good. You only ever hear their crickety noise, but they sing even better.

Well, I’m getting more writing done right now. But I’m unsure if I’ll be able to tonight. (It depends on how long the company stays 🙂 )
@daeus It may or may not be just you…and the crickets.

@writefury, I like it! I mean, I like them…the stories ideas, that is. 🙂

Oh, stop! You made my empathy kick in. *sobs miserably* But I can’t write with you, I’ve got singing…. Quick, someone come and write with @daeus.

This is really great Rosey. I only have two small comments. First, when Jean says, “R-Really?” This seems too much like a quick mood swing. I would just have something like, “Oh-“.

Second, the part where the two bad guys are talking: I don’t know quite how to say this but it seems – almost – formulaic – kind of. I mean, first of all, the bad guy…[Read more]

That’s fine @bluejay I’ll just have to manage without you. Unless anyone else wants to join *cricket noises* …Anyone???

Yes it was a recent critique. You can read the rest of it in the Short Story forum.

@kate-flournoy Yes! I love replacing dialogue tags with body language.

*sigh* @writefury

@daeus I won’t be able to join you today in writing as I’ll be out. Sorry.

@Daeus YES. I have surprised myself over and over again with the realization of what I was doing. Mostly it was with dialogue tags, actually— said furiously, shouted angrily, etc. etc. While there’s not anything particularly WRONG with those, it sounds better if I say ‘snapped’ or ‘screamed’, and it also lets the reader draw their own…[Read more]

ACK!!!!!!!!!! ACK ACK ACK GIVE ME THE REST GIVE ME THE REST I WANT TO SEE JEAN’S FACE WHEN SHE REALIZES COBALT IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! *collapses in nervous wreck on floor, melts into tears*

No complaints. Absolutely no complaints— just one thing, and it’s not really something badly done as much as it is something that could have been done…[Read more]

A kid named Cardboard who lives in a dumpster in an alley (you know, the ones that say “cardboard only”? Har-har, I’m so clever.)

Ha! That’s great.

@christi-eaton That so true. I think that’s something most writer’s struggle with. Actually though, that’s not my main problem. My problem is just in the flow of the prose. It get’s stuck up with too many words. For instance, “While I acknowledge the situation we are in is dire, I remain unconvinced that the proper course of action is to eat…[Read more]

@kate-flournoy That’s a good point. Did you ever find any times where you surprised yourself with the discovery that you had been spoon feeding the reader? I mean, was there any really subtle example. I’m wondering because its those really sneaky mistakes that get you, and if you can fix them you’ll notice a big improvement. That’s why I’m always…[Read more]