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@acancello @jonas @highscribeofatherium @esther-c @thearcaneaxiom @freedomwriter76 @smiley @rae @trailblazer @anyone-else
okay so on this topic we can laugh at the dumbest and cringiest things we’ve written. I have a lot of…interesting…things I wrote last year……*retches over the side of the bed because of how horrible it is*
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@savannah_grace2009 @anyone-else
Ready for some pieces of writing from when I had absolutely no idea what I was doing?
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully đź’•)I shall keep the spelling for effect…
Chapter 1 Nahim and Mandin
Nahim sat cofortably near Mandin looking out over the lake Gaylax. He was young, only being 19 years in age, Mandin was 5 years older and had more expierance but they still got along together well. I can’t tell you what Nahim’s face looked like because he never showed it to anyone. Mandin did not hide his face, unless he did not trust the person.
Need I type more?
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully đź’•)oh my gosh….lol I was reading it and I was like, oh it’s really good! and then I read this sentence:
I can’t tell you what Nahim’s face looked like because he never showed it to anyone.
And then I laughed.
sorry if that sounds mean…..
And now for the worst thing I have ever written:
“It worked!” Jorryn cries.
“Well that’s great!” Jayce smiles weakly. “But why am I dizzy?”
“I was too,” Jorryn says sympathetically, “it’ll be over soon.”
“I don’t want it to be over soon, I want it to be over now!” Jayce whines.
“Suck it up, Jayce-If I can do it, you can do it.” Jorryn tells him.
“Go Jayce!” Briggs kicks high in the air as if she were a cheerleader. Liv and I look at each other. She is so weird.
IT’S THE LAST SENTENCE THAT GETS ME!!!! AHHHH!!!!
And here’s another one:
He took a deep breath. It had been years since anyone had seen him in his true form on Andromeda, but it didn’t make much sense to be worried about what form he was in when so many lives were on the line at that very moment. Before he could overthink this situation any further, he barreled into the clearing.
There were five of them-the two Forgotten Ones and three others; Gael Carda, Livia Stone, and Brigitta Carda. Lilitu cursed under his breath-what in the world were the children doing duck taped to a tree?
Brigitta screamed, and Jorryn and Jayce cried out with joy.
“Lilitu! Lilitu, where did you go? You ditched us!” They both began talking at once. Lilitu didn’t answer any of their questions. Talking, at the moment, seemed to him only a means to waste precious time, time that they did not have to spare. Running up to the tree, he knelt down and feverishly began to yank the tape off the children.
IT’S SO BAD!!!
“What do we have here?” asked one of the dwarves in a voice that sounded exactly like one of the minions. I was dreading what was about to happen. Since I don’t have powers, I have to practice dumb rhymes with the dwarves! I learn more from the histories!
“I’m Londyn,” I said. Funny, he should know this by now!
“We know,” it said, “I just like asking. So let’s practice our nursery rhymes!” I felt like falling on the floor and never getting up again. I’m thirteen, for goodness sake! “On the count of three…one, two three….WEE WILLY WINKIE RUNS THROUGH THE TOWN!” My heart sank all the way to my toes as I halfheartedly began to join the horrible rhymes.
AND WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!?!?!?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333This is some of my writing I want to burn, bury the remnants in a dark cave, then collapse the cave to never see the light of day again, but here it is for you to enjoy…
“Mailes?… Do you think me a good Jan?” Laijas asked. Surprise stunned Mailes, what kind of question was that? It didn’t sound like something Laijas would say.
“Of course Laijas, you have lead the Lasi’el people with the greatest prosperity, dare I say it, you may be greater than the great Jan Jevwalian, I say this as your advisor, but also as your friend Laijas, I look up to you in every way.
Laijas accepted the sentiment with a smile, then let it go again, appearing even worse. “You don’t understand Mailes, I’m just not… enough” he sighed.
“Enough what?”
“…Enough… well… enough of anything, I’m sorry Mailes, I’m sorry, for I’ve become weak.”
“What? My Lord, Laijas, what’s wrong, should I call for someone?!”
“No, no, no, it’s too late Mailes… I’ve listened to their whispers, I’ve fought them in my mind for too long, and now it’s too late, there’s no hope for me Mailes, I’ve failed. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to hurt Sela, I didn’t want to hurt Nalas, I didn’t want to hurt my kingdom, but I’ve failed Mailes, I’ve failed you all!”
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Oh this is great! I still like this scene…
Nahim walked on. Suddenly his boots hit something solid and metal with a clank. Nahim walked about. (Ruee, what kinda of a sentence is that?!) It appeared to be a circular metal something. *Nahim discovers it’s a base, gets inside, blah blah blah* “Hello, Hello!” (Oh, did I mention I had no idea what paragraphing meant apparently?!) He called. The room he came into was large, and in it was a strange fighter Nahim had not seen before. Hello!” He called again. In answer there came an explosion. “Joy, 1st time on Dolant, Nanians, 2nd, Wood Dan, 3rd, Explosions Yippee.” said Nahim sarcasticly as he entered a side room. The walls were black from the explosion and a pretty sorry ship and robot were in the center. “Hello, are you all right?” Nahim called. Nahim stepped into another open room and gasped instead of called. The walls were lined with Realn Helmuts (okay, my grandfather’s name is Helmut, so for the longer time, I thought helmet was spelled the same way (since American pronounce Helmut the same way as helmet instead of the German way. )) from the family Firehead. Noone (no one is the correct spelling) would have this!any helmets and have them presented so unless… they were war trophies. “What do you want?” asked a voice behind him. Nahim swung around. His crystal sword hit a breastplate of armour, only hurting paint. This Man was no Realn, but his armour was similar and strong. He also was well prepared. His (yes, I said his) knocked away Nahim’s crystal sword. The movement was so fast Nahim didn’t have a prepared grip. (Ruee he’s a warrior duh, he would always have a prepared geip! ) Only one thing for it. (*faceplants* muffled voice says “No, no it’s not. This is just, just awful”)
Nope! Nope! I’ll continue this later, I’ve had enough digging through the cringy stuff I wrote!
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)oh my gosh….lol I was reading it and I was like, oh it’s really good! and then I read this sentence:
I can’t tell you what Nahim’s face looked like because he never showed it to anyone.
And then I laughed.Not mean at all. I consider that sentence the thing the sums up my first draft. Awfulness, awfulness, awfulness. Except…the spelling is fine. The punctuation… Leaves a comma to be desired.
Oh! And my entire first draft was written in sloppy cursive that only a select few in the world can read (omitting the existanc of one paragraph written in sloppy print)
Guyz I’m loosing it…. I literally had twenty typos I just corrected. I’ve lost my marbles.
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully đź’•)Oh, and this garbage:
“Shele” he said, turning around, immediately bumping into a tall, yet frail man.
He grabbed Nejin by the collar of his shirt, his eyes radiating hate, and rage.
Adrenaline rushed through Nejin’s system, but it gave no resolve to run or fight. Guards charged in, clearing the area, tackling the Man to the ground, losing his grasp of Nejin. The Man smirked, the wrinkles twirling up his face in the creepiest of ways.
“Get him down!” one of the guards shouted. The Man started laughing, as two of the guards were pining him. His laugh, oh the most crooked, messed up laugh, slowly morphing, changing into… bawling? He was bawling? Nejin stared, frightened, watching this Man’s chaotic shifting from one emotion to the other.
The men got him fully secure, the struggle ended, but the weeping didn’t.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone, I’m not bad, I’m not bad…” The Man whispered to himself in tears. Nejin felt his heart reach out, empathy deep within him, wanting to help this poor man in pain. Nejin’s hand slowly raised, wanting to comfort, to protect, to nurture. “I’m not bad, I never meant to hurt anyone, I’m not…” the tears swelling in his eyes seized, again replaced with a low tone of laughter.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
About this scene above:
Proud of it, NO!
Still like it because off Krogen, yeah.
You will see what I mean when I finish it…
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully đź’•)Well, your punctuation is fine…and it is soooo not as cringy as what I wrote a year ago!
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully đź’•)The writing you shared was a little depressing, but the characters weren’t melodramatic at least. I don’t pay much attention to punctuation as a writing problem. The art of melodrama is at an all time high here though. Like “He grabbed Nejin by the collar of his shirt, his eyes radiating hate, and rage.” After Nejin, a little boy he never met bumbs into him on the street? I mean, ok. Then I thought I was giving all this intrigue and depth with his emotional shifting, but it’s just so dumb! Maybe still some potential in concept, but the execution sucked🤮
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
I have a folder on my laptop marked “old stuff” and I can assure there will be something cringy in there. Let me go digging for a minute!
"Real love is for your good, not for your comfort." -Justin Whitmel Earley
Oh my word, I didn’t even realize I had this story on my laptop! This is from wayyyy back- I think it was the first story I ever wrote, when I was like six or seven? I roped in my younger brothers so you can thank one of them for the name “Gummy”.
My idea of a chapter was essentially a paragraph.
Chapter one
The three kids
One day three kids named Elizabeth, Ben, and gummy were on their way to the dump to do exploring. Their mother had given them permission to go. Once they got there, Ben found a note that said; if you want to find treasure, go to your home. Love, your secret friends. The three children raced home as fast as their legs could carry them! When they were back through the fence, they suddenly noticed that a note had been slipped through the gate. Gummy found it first.
"Real love is for your good, not for your comfort." -Justin Whitmel Earley
*cackles* You have NO idea, girl. Unfortunately for the amusement of everyone here, those have all burned long ago.
EXCEPT…
I used to be in a writing circle when I was little, and for the final assignment, I wrote…
PONTOON BOAT CATASTROPHE!!!
(((Extremely)) Loosely based on a true story)
I still have it, somewhere in the basement. I’ll see if I can unearth it, but I might not have time before we leave. If I can’t I’ll try to find it when we get back.
*cringes just thinking about it*
A disturbingly short time ago, in a land uncomfortably close by...
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