Novel Excerpt (Feedback Welcome)

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  • #31932
    Elizabeth
    @that_writer_girl_99
      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
      • Total Posts: 1819

      @kate-flournoy If you happen to pop on in the next hour or so, I have some ideas I want to bounce around with you.

      Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

      #31935
      Kate Flournoy
      @kate-flournoy
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3976

        @That_Writer_Girl_99 go ahead and share them. I may not get to them tonight, but they’ll be here for me to read and think over. 😉

        Elizabeth
        @that_writer_girl_99
          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
          • Total Posts: 1819

          Well, maybe “ideas” isn’t a good description. “Thoughts and questions” is probably more accurate.

          –I’ve been thinking a lot about the Warden. I don’t think he’s a bad guy…at the start, that is. I think something has to happen to propel him into ruthless maniac-ness. Just don’t know what yet.
          I have a few ideas regarding this…most of them involve the death of someone he loves, but I don’t want to fall into a cliche…
          The problem I’m having with the Warden really goes back to a question: “Why is he doing this?” He leads the prison, controls it, but why? Why is he trying to “protect” the Elementals? I think it goes back to him having someone in the prison that he cares about, but is that cliche? How do I expound on that idea?

          –Blake…I still haven’t written a single word about him yet. I can’t figure out where he falls in. Now that I’ve introduced Matthias, Ava, and Bianca, I feel like I need to flesh them out a bit more before I introduce the character that defies their EiL, but I don’t know if that’s smart. Thoughts?

          –I’ve also elaborated on the origins of the Elementals powers. The Elementals began with an experiment–I think I mentioned this–but I didn’t know what kind of experiment until a few nights ago. Basically, the scientists behind the Elementals were playing God. They were trying to infuse regular humans with Elemental powers, but instead they ended up creating a virus that completely took over the body, creating a half-human, half-Elemental monster, for lack of a better word. The Catastrophes. The calmer, more stable version of that serum created the Elementals, but before the prison, the Elementals were created, not born. There’s a genetic trait in the Elementals that is derived from the original Elemental serum, giving them their powers.
          Elementals who received the stable version of the serum passed a stable genetic trait onto their children. Elementals who received a not-so-stable version of the serum created more Catastrophes.
          –The only problem with this is that I’m not sure what kind of research I’d have to do to fill in the lore behind the Elementals powers. I don’t want to leave any obvious holes.

          Um…what else?

          Oh, I think I decided on a positive change arc for Kara. Did I tell you that? Is there anything else you can tell me about that kind of arc? @kate-flournoy

          Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

          #31947
          Kate Flournoy
          @kate-flournoy
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 3976

            @That_Writer_Girl_99 what if the Warden is the one responsible for the experiments in the first place? Maybe he feels guilty, and to atone for that takes great care of the Elementals, all the while trying to erase the existence of the Catastrophes from everyone’s mind and stop them from asking painful questions.
            Maybe he’s doing the right thing the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. Trying to atone for his mistake, but from guilt, not conviction, and by suppression of the truth. These kinds of EiLs are really, really powerful, because it forces readers to ask questions and dig deeper into themselves to recognize how easily wrong actions can disguise themselves as love, or compassion, or something equally beautiful.

            As for Blake and the other three… yes. You probably do need to flesh out their EiLs before you introduce the one who defies them so we know what’s being defied, but I don’t necessarily think it needs to be a whole big thing like it sounds as though you’re thinking. You could use their introductory scene to illustrate their EiLs— maybe there’s a fourth member of their group when Kara walks into the cafeteria, and the fourth member gets in trouble and the other three won’t have anything to do with it.
            You’d need to handle that with a large amount of compassion though.
            And what I mean by that is it’s easy to villify the EiLs we know are wrong. But the truth is, most wrong actions people do don’t necessarily spring from pure evil. It’s not that black and white. If you don’t present all EiLs with all their strengths and weaknesses in complete honesty and compassion, your story loses its depth and essentially becomes a way for you to bash all wrong beliefs by representing them as cheesy and fake. How many mistaken people are you gonna win over that way? 😛
            So. You could either do something like that, or you could wait until Blake actually shows up and then have them clash. You do need to establish their EiLs before he disagrees with them otherwise the reader won’t get it. But it doesn’t have to be terribly obvious.
            Also, do all three of Matthias, Ava, and Bianca share the same EiL? Because if so, you could probably cut two of them and just let one take that place in the story. *winces* I know. Harsh. Not easy. But sometimes it has to be done.

            And… it actually sounds like you’ve got a really good start on the history of the Elementals. Unless the details are going to be crucial to the details of the plot, I think you’ve got enough right there to work with for the entire story.

            Positive Change Arc is great. It’s probably the simplest, easiest, and most direct. Really there’s nothing terribly complicated to explain. I think we’ve covered it.

            Any questions?

            Elizabeth
            @that_writer_girl_99
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1819

              …maybe there’s a fourth member of their group when Kara walks into the cafeteria, and the fourth member gets in trouble and the other three won’t have anything to do with it.

              Huh. Yeah, I see what you’re saying, and it sounds like a good idea, but I have an ongoing problem with balancing characters. I tend to forget about some and emphasize others. Not intentionally, of course.

              The Warden’s arc is turning out to be way more complicated than I thought it was going to be. Guess that’s what I get for coming up with a villain who matches my theme so well. I like your ideas, and actually, you verbalized what I was having trouble putting into words. His potential excites me.

              Also, do all three of Matthias, Ava, and Bianca share the same EiL? Because if so, you could probably cut two of them and just let one take that place in the story. *winces* I know. Harsh. Not easy. But sometimes it has to be done.

              I hadn’t actually thought of this yet, but you’re right–the three of them do have the same EiL. Harsh as it sounds…You’re right. One or two of them might have to go. This makes me sad, but at the same time…something in me clicked when I was writing Matthias’ character. I think he has a deeper purpose in the story, but I haven’t found it yet.
              Maybe he’s secretly the son of the Warden, but doesn’t know it? This is probably cliche, but it would give the Warden a reason to want to protect the Elementals so badly. The guilt idea you mentioned, with him being involved in the creation of the Elementals, is good too.

              I haven’t decided how much of the Elementals’ origins is going to be in the main plot, but I know most of what I mentioned is going to play some role. The bit with the scientists intrigues me the most. I’m excited to flesh that idea out some more because I think it represents two sides of my theme. That’s the part I forgot to mention last night.

              Intelligence vs Ignorance–it occurred to me two nights ago that this theme can be pulled in a few different directions. It’s very broad. But here are the ones that I want to focus on:

              Yes, intelligence is better than ignorance, because knowledge gives us the power to control the people and circumstances around us.
              –This view on the theme will be taken by the scientists who created the Elementals.

              No, ignorance is better than intelligence. It is better to live happily than to live in fear of the truth.
              –Even though the Warden knows the truth, this is the stance he takes on the theme, for his sake, and that of the Elementals. This is where your idea about his guilt would come into play, I think.

              Kara, when her arc is done, will believe something like this: Yes, intelligence is better than ignorance, because intelligence gives us a basis by which we can act–deal with Lies and help others to see the truth.

              I know this a lot, but…thoughts? @kate-flournoy

              Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

              #32144
              Kate Flournoy
              @kate-flournoy
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3976

                @That_Writer_Girl_99 perfect. All of those. Love them to pieces. You have so totally got this. *grins*

                As for Matthias… *pulls on her nose in perplexity and wrinkles her forehead* How could he be the Warden’s son though if he’s an Elemental…? And I’m not sure that would really do much for your theme.
                What if Matthias is a spy for the Warden though? What if the Warden’s paying him or something to warn him of changes in mood and potential troublemakers? That gives you a ton to work with just right there, and also presents a major tool for moving the plot. This gives Matthias an EiL that nothing matters except personal comfort/gain. Characters right in the middle of the two thematic extremes are actually great for a story, because oftentimes it breaks the tight web in a good way and gives the reader a safe vantage point from which to view the conflict.

                Elizabeth
                @that_writer_girl_99
                  • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                  • Total Posts: 1819

                  Well, the question I’m struggling with is…why? Why is the Warden protecting the Elementals in the first place? The guilt thing you were talking about is great, but is that enough to help me through the Warden’s arc?

                  Whoa. Great idea there. Matthias as a spy? I kinda like it.

                  See? This is why I still need ya, Kate. @kate-flournoy

                  Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                  #32175
                  Kate Flournoy
                  @kate-flournoy
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 3976

                    *grins* It’s nice to be needed. 😉

                    Well… I guess it depends on how devastating the Catastrophes actually were. People can spend their whole lives hiding from ugly truths that broke them hard enough. I certainly think the guilt thing would be very powerful. Not only does it tie directly into the theme, it is solely thematic in that he’s acting on belief alone. A wrong belief, but the fact that he’ll live his life on it gives strength and focus to his position and really highlights his part of the theme.
                    And if this is the case, the Warden probably won’t have much of an arc, unless you’re planning on redeeming him. The arc already came. He’s solidified in his belief and now he acts on it, which is what gives him the place in the story he holds.

                    Thoughts?

                    @That_Writer_Girl_99

                    Elizabeth
                    @that_writer_girl_99
                      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                      • Total Posts: 1819

                      No, you’re right. That makes sense. I think my hesitation is stemming from the fact that I’m not sure I can write something so…complex. This WIP is bigger than anything I’ve ever tried to write before. @kate-flournoy

                      • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Elizabeth.

                      Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                      #32197
                      Kate Flournoy
                      @kate-flournoy
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 3976

                        @That_Writer_Girl_99 you know what? That’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to be able to write it. I’ve been writing every night for four and a half years and I still don’t know how to write. I’ll never know all there is to know. But I sure wouldn’t have got anywhere near as far as I have if I’d never tackled something I couldn’t handle. It’s the trial and error that teaches. Study can only do so much. Eventually the rubber has to meet the road.

                        Also… yes, none of us can know everything. But I’m pretty sure we all know Someone Who does. *cough* Take a look at your profile picture, my dear. 😉
                        Does God care about such a little thing as our writing troubles?
                        Yes. I can attest from personal experience He does.
                        Ask @Ethryndal. She has quite a story. 🙂

                        Daeus
                        @daeus
                          • Rank: Chosen One
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                          @ethryndal! Story!

                          🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

                          #32202
                          Kate Flournoy
                          @kate-flournoy
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3976
                            Elizabeth
                            @that_writer_girl_99
                              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                              • Total Posts: 1819

                              Kate… *hugs you*

                              Okay. Time to do some writing.


                              @daeus
                              @ethryndal STORY! Now I want to know what happened.

                              Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                              #32208
                              Elizabeth
                              @that_writer_girl_99
                                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                                • Total Posts: 1819

                                @kate-flournoy I’m stuck.

                                Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                                #32209
                                Kate Flournoy
                                @kate-flournoy
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 3976
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