Novel Excerpt (Feedback Welcome)

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  • #32210
    Elizabeth
    @that_writer_girl_99
      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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      What? Wait. Just…what? @kate-flournoy That is completely irrelevant to what I’m stuck on.

      Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

      #32211
      Kate Flournoy
      @kate-flournoy
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3976

        @That_Writer_Girl_99 My apologies. That’s what would have gotten me stuck. XD
        *ahem* How are you stuck?

        Elizabeth
        @that_writer_girl_99
          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
          • Total Posts: 1819

          I…goodness. That startled me more than it probably should have. @kate-flournoy

          *takes a moment to settle herself* Okay. What I was going to say was…I can’t figure out what to do in chapter three. Like, part of it is a transition scene–Kara is running back to her cell after the power goes out–but I don’t know what to do after that.

          I had planned on her going to the “sparring room” and hanging out with Matthias, Ava, and Bianca–who decided to act snooty towards Kara during lunch but I don’t know why–but is that enough to drive an entire chapter? Cause I don’t think so.

          Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

          #32217
          Kate Flournoy
          @kate-flournoy
            • Rank: Chosen One
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            @That_Writer_Girl_99 again, my apologies… *clears throat meekly* Telepathic dragon in the making here; I was practicing and got it wrong. *mysterious wink*

            Moving on now.

            No, you’re right. That’s not enough to drive an entire chapter. Unless something important happens in the sparring room, I would say cut it entirely. Writing is about change, in plot and scene as well as description. If it doesn’t change anything, we don’t need it. And ideally a scene should be made to achieve more than one thing. You could use that whole scene to develop Kara’s relationship with Matthias, but I think that would be a waste of material and time. If you decide to use such a scene to both develop that relationship, hint at Matthias’s separate agenda, develop mystery around the Warden, fill in some backstory via subtext possibly, and bring Tam’s death up somehow and reopen that raw wound, that would not be a waste of a scene.
            But Kara needs to walk out of it different than she walked in, if only a very tiny bit.

            And… if that doesn’t give you enough material to work with… you could switch POVs. *innocent blink* Take us somewhere else in the story where things are happening. Matthias and the Warden, perhaps. Blake, if he’s here. You made a promise of action and mystery at the end of the first chapter. You need to fulfill on that. Don’t keep the reader waiting. Don’t let them settle down again until the end of the book.

            Elizabeth
            @that_writer_girl_99
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1819

              Telepathy. A favorite ability of mine. To write, I mean. Not that I’m…actually telepathic. @kate-flournoy

              Uh. Okay. At this point…I’m planning on just doing Kara’s POV. I don’t think I can manage to incorporate a theme into my story, balance multiple characters, plot out different arcs, and switch POVs. That’s too much. This story holds a lot of firsts for me, and I don’t want to overwhelm myself.

              So…let’s bounce around some physical ideas, then.
              No, Blake isn’t in the story, yet. I feel like this chapter needs to touch on why the power went out a little. I know the outage occurred because of an attack via the Catastrophes, but Kara doesn’t know that, and she probably won’t for a little while longer.

              That being said…what do I do for the actual chapter? I’m drawing a blank.

              • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Elizabeth.

              Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

              #32220
              Kate Flournoy
              @kate-flournoy
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3976

                @That_Writer_Girl_99 okay. That’s fine. It’s good to know your limits. We don’t want you burning out. 😉

                Wellll… since you want to stick to Kara’s pov, maybe she could overhear some guards talking about what happened? Or perhaps she hears Matthias talking to a guard, receiving or giving a message from/to the Warden. This gives her suspicions and could be yet another blow to her ideal of a perfectly peaceful world.

                Elizabeth
                @that_writer_girl_99
                  • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                  • Total Posts: 1819

                  Yeah. *places fire extinguisher beside laptop in case of sudden combustion*

                  Okay. I like that. I definitely think that idea deepens Matthias’ purpose.

                  Alright, so…Kara is walking back to her cell. All of the other Elementals are supposed to be in their own cells, which means that Matthias talking to one of the guards would be very suspicious. How does she react? Her reaction drives the rest of the chapter…right?

                  Does she go up to Matthias and ask what he was doing? That’s rather forward, but I don’t think telling what Kara is thinking inwardly makes for much of a chapter, either. @kate-flournoy

                  Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                  #32247
                  Ethryndal
                  @ethryndal
                    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                    • Total Posts: 1013

                    *rushes in late* Story? What story? OH, that story. Ahem. Yes. Here you go. @Daeus @That_writer_girl_99 And I’ll tag @Kate-Flournoy just in case.

                    That Time I Thought God Couldn’t Write a Story

                    INTJ ➸Your friendly neighborhood mastermind. ➸https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/

                    #32249
                    Ethryndal
                    @ethryndal
                      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                      • Total Posts: 1013

                      I just realized I butchered that title. You know you’re a pathetic creature when you can’t even remember the title of your own blog post that you just looked at five minutes ago. XD

                      INTJ ➸Your friendly neighborhood mastermind. ➸https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/

                      #32250
                      Kate Flournoy
                      @kate-flournoy
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 3976

                        @That_Writer_Girl_99 she could approach Matthias about it… but it would be better, I think, if you did end up having the sparring scene, and as she’s walking in she overhears something, and then tries to get the info out of him while they’re sparring. His continued avoidance will only heighten her curiosity, giving you a great opportunity to get her started in a forward direction and leave the scene with more questions than answers.
                        Also, their conversation would be a great way to say a lot of things about the way things really are in the prison by not saying them. Good dialogue illuminates what people are not saying, I’ve heard it said, and I agree. There’s more in what’s not said than what is.


                        @Ethryndal
                        thank you. *bows*

                        Elizabeth
                        @that_writer_girl_99
                          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                          • Total Posts: 1819

                          Also, their conversation would be a great way to say a lot of things about the way things really are in the prison by not saying them. Good dialogue illuminates what people are not saying, I’ve heard it said, and I agree. There’s more in what’s not said than what is.

                          Huh. Good point, but…things like what? @kate-flournoy Also, thank you for saving my sparring idea. That meshes well with the little bit I already have.


                          @ethryndal
                          The “Sarcastic Elf”? There’s not a name in the world that could better describe you.

                          Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                          #32270
                          Kate Flournoy
                          @kate-flournoy
                            • Rank: Chosen One
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                            @That_Writer_Girl_99 well, any backstory you might want to fill in. Hints at the Warden’s involvement with the Elementals. (Which could also double as foreshadowing). Stories about the Catastrophes… little pieces of silence to fill in the things that Matthias knows, as a spy of the Warden, but isn’t allowed to tell the others. Just to deepen the mystery and raise more and more questions to keep the reader reading.

                            Am I going too fast?

                            Elizabeth
                            @that_writer_girl_99
                              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                              • Total Posts: 1819

                              Not really.

                              I…*sighs* Have you ever seen the animated TV show “Avatar: The Last Airbender”? The “bending” on that show is based off of four different forms of Chinese martial arts. That’s how I’m picturing the Elemental powers–what they’ll be like–will be used.
                              Kara uses fire as an extension of her body. It’s a part of her she can’t even imagine living without, even though she thinks of it as a curse. The same goes for all the Elementals.

                              I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t know how to write the sparring scene. @kate-flournoy

                              Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                              #32274
                              Elizabeth
                              @that_writer_girl_99
                                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                                • Total Posts: 1819

                                On a side note, I’ve decided to start calling you Jedi-Master Kate. @kate-flournoy

                                Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                                #32280
                                Kate Flournoy
                                @kate-flournoy
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 3976

                                  @That_Writer_Girl_99 ha! 😀 I can get on board with that… *stands heroically on the verge of a deserted island with the wind streaming through her hair and her weird Jedi robes* May the force be with you. 😛 😉

                                  Ahhhh… yes. Elemental fight scenes. *laughs* I can so relate. The MC of my WIP is also a fire Elemental, though not in the same way yours are.
                                  And I’m not gonna lie. It’s a struggle. Starting out, it’s like walking with two left feet. It’s just something you have to do your best at, get a feel for, then go back and correct once you’ve got it down. In short… fake it, and it will come. XD
                                  If you keep at it, it will come. I promise. The first few times I tried it with my character it was insanely awkward, but then I became familiar with it, and it got easier and easier.
                                  It sounds like you have a general idea of how you want it to look. Use your imagination to figure out how that would feel, then go for it. Even if you hate what you’re writing, do it. You can go back and fix things you already put down, but you can’t fix what isn’t there.

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