My Work In Progress

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  • #174260
    Sara
    @savannah_grace2009
      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
      • Total Posts: 1985

      @freedomwriter76

      I knowwww he’s so sweet! <3


      @esther-c

      I CAN’T HELP IT!!!  😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

      And thanks <3

      Lukas&Livia
      #Lalbert
      Sef&Chase
      #HOTTOLINE
      LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

      #174299
      Anonymous
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 8156

        @esther-c Ty!! I love it too 💖


        @SAVANNAH_GRACE2009
        HE REALLY ISSSSSSSS 🩷🩷🩷🩷

        #174321
        Esther
        @esther-c
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 3213

          @savannah_grace2009

          Yw!!

          Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

          #174406
          Sara
          @savannah_grace2009
            • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
            • Total Posts: 1985

            @freedomwriter76 @esther-c

            Okay…so this scene/chapter comes before the scene where Iver abuses Sef. (I just wrote it last night after looking at the plot and realizing I’d forgotten a major part!!!)

            Anyways….

            The girl opens her mouth and screams.

            Her screams echo off the walls, begging for someone, anyone to hear her.

            Her pain is vivid, her fear and panic as real as the bruises that cover her skin.

            And the man only steps closer, towering over her.

            “Please…” she whimpers.

            But he grabs her arm in his thick fingers, and her screams fall on deaf ears as she struggles. He slaps her in the face, and tears stream from her eyes.

            And then he shoves her backwards.

            She hits the floor with a sickening thud.

             

            Lilitu gasped and sat up in bed, blinking against the darkness.

            He brought his hands to his ears as the girl’s screams rang in his mind again.

            It was so real.

            So vivid.

            He ran a hand through his hair, putting his face in his hands. Why did he keep having these dreams?

            For weeks now, the same girl had haunted his nightmares. Her eyes pleaded for help, but he could only watch, helpless, as the man hurt her.

            How could it have been only a dream? It was like he was in the room with her…he could see the haunted look in her eyes as the monster beat her. A look of hopelessness. Defeat.

            He knew those eyes.

            Where had he seen that girl before?

            The memories wouldn’t come. Her face had been blurred…but there was something about her he couldn’t quite place.

            Who was she?

            Great One…please don’t let this be real…please let this just be in my head. It’s just in my head, he groaned, trying to reassure himself. It’s just a dream.

            Get up.

            He blinked.

            Get up, My son.

            “Who-who’s there?”

            The voice in his mind was not his own.

            You know Who I am.

            Lilitu gasped.

            “Great One?” he said to the darkness.

            Get up, My son, the voice insisted.

            “It’s four thirty in the morning,” Lilitu glanced at his clock, rubbed his eyes, and yawned.

            She needs you.

            Those three words brought a stab to Lilitu’s stomach.

            Who? he wondered.

            He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Could he really have had a conversation with the Great One?

            No, he shook his head, laughing to himself at his stupidity.

            He laid back down on his pillow.

            But he kept hearing the girl’s screams. The look of terror on her face. The way the man flung her to the ground.

            “Okay, that’s it,” he muttered, sitting up in a flash, throwing off his blankets and scrambling out of bed. “I might as well just get a head start on scavenging for food.” It’s not like I’m going to sleep anyway.

            He put a shirt on, tiptoed down the hall, and slipped out into the night.

            Lukas&Livia
            #Lalbert
            Sef&Chase
            #HOTTOLINE
            LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

            #174407
            Sara
            @savannah_grace2009
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1985

              So essentially the Great One sent him to help Sef by showing what was happening to her in a dream, if that makes sense.

              Lilitu’s been having that same dream for a while now, and later it makes him feel like it’s his fault because he could have helped Sef earlier if he’d just taken action sooner.

              Lukas&Livia
              #Lalbert
              Sef&Chase
              #HOTTOLINE
              LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

              #174408
              Sara
              @savannah_grace2009
                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                • Total Posts: 1985

                Ooops I just realized I forgot to put something in Italics but I’m too scared to edit it in case it deletes my post…

                Lukas&Livia
                #Lalbert
                Sef&Chase
                #HOTTOLINE
                LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                #174463
                Esther
                @esther-c
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 3213

                  @savannah_grace2009

                  Oooh, that’s perfect!! I love it!

                  Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                  #174465
                  Sara
                  @savannah_grace2009
                    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                    • Total Posts: 1985

                    @esther-c

                    Thanks! <3

                    Lukas&Livia
                    #Lalbert
                    Sef&Chase
                    #HOTTOLINE
                    LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                    #177211
                    Sara
                    @savannah_grace2009
                      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                      • Total Posts: 1985

                      @freed_and_redeemed @esther-c @grcr @acancello

                      I just wrote another scene of Andromeda and I thought I should tag you haha!

                      “Sef.”

                      The voice is familiar.

                      The voice sounds like warmth. Love. It sounds like warm summer days and a time when she felt secure.

                      The darkness settles around her, and she looks into the inky blackness, trying to find the source of the voice. She pulls the blankets up to her chin.

                      A dim light illuminates a figure standing over her bed.

                      But she’s not afraid.

                      She knows the voice. She recognizes the figure from her daydreams, from her silent pleas to the Great One to bring him back.

                      “I never wanted to leave you,” the voice speaks again.

                      And then Sef knows instantly who the voice is. A million different emotions rip through her all at once. Grief. Love. Anger. But pure joy makes all the others dissolve.

                      “Pahnith!” she whispers, launching into his arms.

                      “I am with you…I have always been with you.” She feels strong arms around her. She feels his lips brushing her forehead, his hands in her hair, his warm breath tickling her ear.

                      And now tears are streaming down her face, because she knows that this isn’t real.

                      It’s an illusion.

                      She will wake up and return to the nightmare. She has no father. She’s an orphan.

                      “Don’t cry, my daughter,” he strokes her hair, and she leans into his hands.

                      “I love you,” she whispers. Security covers her and her heart burns with the words over and over again….I love you….I love you…

                      “Don’t go,” she begs him.

                      “You know I have to,” he takes her hands, and meets her eyes.

                      How she has missed gazing into those dark eyes. She’s seen those eyes in her dreams, wishing that they were real.

                      And now they are.

                      “Please,” she whispers.

                      “You’re not safe here,” his eyes darken. “They’re looking for you.”

                       

                      *** 

                       

                      Two men haunt the streets of Lir.

                      They seem to levitate, neither walking or flying, but they are suspended an inches above the ground as they move in an unearthly way.

                      They are searching for something.

                      They wear dark cloaks and a repulsive stench emanates from the air around them. Hoods hide their faces.

                      “Where isss ssshe?” their voices whisper, repeating the unanswered question, filling the silence that is almost as chilling as their appearances.

                      “We will find her.”

                      “Ssshe will not essscape so easssily from usss.”

                      They speak in a tongue that is evil itself. To anyone who can hear them, the words are not words at all, but a guttural cry that paralyzes the strongest men with fear. The words are a curse, an anthem of pure unbridled evil.

                      “We will find her,” they say, and the words are resolute.

                      They will find her.

                      ***
                       

                      A chill creeps into Sef’s bones, and she shudders.

                      “Iver.”

                      “No,” her father whispers gravely, “not Iver. Someone much, much worse.”

                      “I can’t go back there,” Sef looks into her father’s eyes, pleading.

                      “You must leave this place. Before they find you.”

                      “But where will I go?” Her hands tremble.

                      “Cross the Nordvick Strait and go to Erstonia. Seek the help of the Great Sparrow. Only you can save us all.”

                      “I don’t know the way!”

                      “My child, you are never alone. You have never been alone.” he holds her close, cupping the back of her head. “The Great One is watching over you. When you can’t feel Him, when you can’t see Him, when everything is falling apart, He is holding you, carrying you through it all. He will show you the way.”

                      “I’m not strong enough,” she lowers her eyes, and her heart sinks.

                      “You don’t have to be. He is strong when you are weak.”

                      “But-”

                      “Don’t you see? This is bigger than you. This is bigger than you could ever imagine. The Great One is calling you, daughter, to save our people. To save our nation. To save our world. What do you choose?”

                      Sef takes a deep breath, and though her mind is spinning too quickly to process any of it, one thought is at the forefront of her mind.

                      “Send me. I will go.”

                      And then her father vanishes, leaving her alone in the darkness.

                      Lukas&Livia
                      #Lalbert
                      Sef&Chase
                      #HOTTOLINE
                      LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                      #177214
                      -GRCR-
                      @grcr
                        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                        • Total Posts: 947

                        @savannah_grace2009

                        ooo… I like this scene a lot. Good job!! 😄

                        “What be a cretin?”
                        “Of course you wouldn’t know. It’s a… bread you put in salad.”

                        #177227
                        Esther
                        @esther-c
                          • Rank: Chosen One
                          • Total Posts: 3213

                          @savannah_grace2009

                          This is really good!! I love it!! I haven’t read your writing a little bit, but I can see improvement. (I know it’s always hard to see that in your own writing [unless I look back to stuff I wrote two years ago XD], so I wanted to let you know. 😉 )

                          Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                          #177364
                          Sara
                          @savannah_grace2009
                            • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                            • Total Posts: 1985

                            @esther-c

                            You think so?!!?

                            Thanks that means a lot to me!!!

                            How far have you gotten in my novel so far? I was just wondering XD


                            @grcr

                            Thanks for reading it!

                            Lukas&Livia
                            #Lalbert
                            Sef&Chase
                            #HOTTOLINE
                            LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                            #177369
                            Esther
                            @esther-c
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 3213

                              @savannah_grace2009

                              Of course!! 😊

                              Umm… only ten chapters. Heh 😅 I’m not as far along as I hoped I would be, but I’ve been trying to find time to read it!! But what I’ve read so far I really like!

                              Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                              #179371
                              Sara
                              @savannah_grace2009
                                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                                • Total Posts: 1985

                                @esther-c

                                Hey….sooooo….um….well….

                                I decided to change my story up…again.

                                I’m so sorry…I feel so bad because you got like halfway through it and I’m changing it! I’ve kind of been avoiding telling you for a couple weeks because I just feel awful! You’ve been so amazing for reading my book and have helped me soooo much!

                                I’m still keeping the same storyline, but adding more elements and plot twists and making it more epic!

                                But yeah…the beginning’s got to go!

                                I think you said you were on chapter 17 last? If you want to keep reading it, I’ll open the link back up and you can pick up where you left off. But just to let you know that since I added chapters at the beginning, chapter 17 now equals 22, 18 is 23, and so on. I would love some feedback on my other chapters , like are they too dark?

                                Sorry if none of that made sense…I’m super tired rn and my sleep cycle is all messed up!!!

                                Lukas&Livia
                                #Lalbert
                                Sef&Chase
                                #HOTTOLINE
                                LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                                #179387
                                Esther
                                @esther-c
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 3213

                                  @savannah_grace2009

                                  Don’t feel bad at all!!!

                                  I feel like I’ve been so bad at being consistent reading it anyway 😅 My summer’s going to be pretty busy, but definitely not as busy as the school year, so I’ll probably be able to read through your whole book before the end of summer! And our break starts next week, so that’s as soon as I’ll be able to get to it.

                                  I’m really excited to see what you’ve changed!!

                                  Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

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