My Work In Progress

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  • #172192
    Esther
    @esther-c
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3205

      @savannah_grace2009

      Oooh, cool chapter! Love it!! And of course, love Marcurious. 😁

      You wanted to critique my writing too, I think? If you want you can use the same link, or I can make you a new doc. Whichever you prefer (:

      This link works for me! Unless you want all our comments to be separate. I’ll try to start reading it next week once our schedule’s back to normal after Christmas break and all that. 🙃

      Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

      #172199
      Scoutillus Finch
      @scoutfinch180
        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
        • Total Posts: 413

        @savannah_grace2009

        I did read Marcurious’s intro, and it was pretty interesting!

        I’ll check it out!

        We crazy people are the normal ones.

        #172206
        Sara
        @savannah_grace2009
          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
          • Total Posts: 1984

          @esther-c

          This link works for me! Unless you want all our comments to be separate. I’ll try to start reading it next week once our schedule’s back to normal after Christmas break and all that. 🙃

          Okay!! It doesn’t really matter to me XD It’s up to you!


          @scoutfinch180

          Yeah, Marcurious is an…interesting character XD

           

          Lukas&Livia
          #Lalbert
          Sef&Chase
          #HOTTOLINE
          LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

          #172264
          Esther
          @esther-c
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 3205

            @savannah_grace2009

            Ok XD

            Actually, now that I think about it, I think I’d rather read it through Reedsy or another platform. Because the only Google account I could use to comment would have my last name with it, and I’m not comfortable sharing that. 😊 I’ll still tell you my thoughts, just through KP. 😉

            Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

            #172324
            Sara
            @savannah_grace2009
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1984

              @esther-c

              Oh I totally understand!!!

              I’ll just give you the link again so you don’t have to go digging for it haha!

              https://editor.reedsy.com/s/p8SdhuQ

              Lukas&Livia
              #Lalbert
              Sef&Chase
              #HOTTOLINE
              LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

              #172371
              Esther
              @esther-c
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3205

                @savannah_grace2009

                Awesome!! Thanks!

                Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                #172415
                Sara
                @savannah_grace2009
                  • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                  • Total Posts: 1984

                  @esther-c

                  No problem (:

                  I’m excited to see what you think!!

                  Lukas&Livia
                  #Lalbert
                  Sef&Chase
                  #HOTTOLINE
                  LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                  #174203
                  Sara
                  @savannah_grace2009
                    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                    • Total Posts: 1984

                    @freedomwriter76 (you might have to call the protection squad on this one….) @hybridlore @acancello @esther-c @scoutfinch180

                    Here’s a chapter I just wrote…I’m pretty happy with it but it’s SO SAD!!!

                    “Sef!”

                    She heard the door crash open upstairs, and her heart plummeted to the soles of her feet.

                    It was late.

                    Very late.

                    The odds that Iver had not been drinking were next to impossible. The sound of breaking glass only validated her fears.

                    She wrapped her arms around her trembling form. He was going to hurt her if she went up there…. But if she didn’t obey him, he would hurt her worse.

                    And so she went.

                    ***

                    Iver was slouched in a chair, mumbling unintelligible words to himself. An empty bottle was in front of him, and he spun it around and around in his hands, gazing upon it as if in a trance, as if he awaited it to speak his fortune. The only thing in his fortune is more alcohol, Sef thought grimly as she beheld the unnerving sight.

                    Finally, his gaze shifted to her.

                    “Where’s my dinner?” he asked her. His speech was slurred. He was definitely drunk.

                    “There’s no food in the cupboards,” Sef whispered, looking at the floor. Iver spent too much on drinks to bother feeding her. If he’d been here instead of at the bar all the time, he would know that.

                    “You’ve been home all this time,” his voice was dangerously low, “and you didn’t bother to make me dinner?” he slowly rose from his chair as the chair legs screeched in agony.

                    “I couldn’t-” Sef began, desperately.

                    “You’re lazy, that’s what you are,” he slowly advanced, and she took a step backwards.

                    “You don’t need food,” Sef kept her gaze on the floor, “you just need sleep, you’ve had too much to drink, I’ll make you breakfast in the morning-”

                    “Stupid girl!” Iver screamed, throwing the bottle across the room in a drunken rage. It shattered against the wall, resembling Sef’s shattered heart, her broken will. “You’ll always be nothing! Do you understand me? You’re worthless,” he whispered in her ear.

                    Sef’s eyes blurred with tears.

                    Do you understand?” the way he yelled made her flinch.

                    “Yes,” she whispered. Her lip quivered and her tears fell like raindrops to the floor.

                    “Quit your crying,” Iver sneered, stepping forward until she could smell the alcohol on his breath. Mahnith, where are you?

                    Iver smirked, his eyes narrowed in cruelty. “There’s a reason your mother left you, you know.” Without waiting for her response, he continued, “She didn’t love you,” his words slurred as he loomed over her. “You’re ugly, worthless, stupid…she’d rather be captive to the Pythonos than have you as a daughter!” Sef took a sharp breath as his words plunged a dagger into her heart. He went too far. Too far. Iver bent down and slapped her across the face, twisting the blade in her soul.

                    Her cheek stung. Her heart ached.

                    And still, Iver went on. “You don’t deserve to live,” he slapped her again, shoving her to the floor. Her head knocked against the wooden floor. “You are nothing.”

                    ***

                    Sef opened her eyes.

                    Her head spun dizzily, and her whole body ached. Bruises mottled her skin. The darkness settled over her like a strangling blanket, and her breathing came in rasps.

                    She could still hear Iver’s voice…screaming at her to obey.

                    Her own screams begging him to stop.

                    And then pain.

                     

                    Mani, a tear slipped down her cheek. I wish you were here.

                    She curled into herself, bringing the blankets up to her chin. A sudden draft made her shiver.

                    A year ago, things were so different. A year ago, she had a mother to protect her, a sister to care for…and now all that was gone.

                    Gone.

                    Now her perfect dream had morphed into a hideous nightmare, and she was trapped inside it, constantly screaming to wake up.

                    Her head pounded with pain.

                    She needed medicine. Somehow she knew that this wasn’t just a headache that would pass through the night. Something was wrong.

                    How could she sneak upstairs to get the medicine without Iver seeing her?

                    She doubted that he’d have medicine anyways, considering that he spent every agate on everything unholy under the sun, but the longer she stayed down here, the more the flashbacks haunted her.

                    But if he caught her…she convulsed in her. She didn’t dare go upstairs and past his bedroom. Though hours later he’d passed out from the intoxication, she wouldn’t risk him getting his hands on her again.

                    But she was hurt. She needed help….

                    Lilitu.

                    She stopped. Could she sneak out of the house and limp all the way to his house? Indie could help her, she’d understand, Sef knew she would.

                    With resolution burning in her veins, she sat up, and her head swam. Her bruises screamed in pain.

                    Collapsing to her knees, she gripped the stair railing and dragged herself up the stairs, one step at a time. Her heart pounded in her ears. She couldn’t make a single sound or else he’d hear. He’d hear and then he’d—

                    She groped in the darkness for the handle at the top of the stairs and slowly pulled it open.

                    Please don’t make a sound…he’ll hear you, her heart thumped and her hands trembled.

                    She crept down the hallway on shaking arms, quickly covering her mouth to muffle her gasp of pain as a jagged shard of glass embedded itself in her knee. Tears pricked her eyes, but she wouldn’t let herself cry until she knew she was safe.

                    The inky blackness mocked her as she blindly felt around, pressing in around her until she wanted to give up and sob on the floor. She couldn’t do it. She wasn’t strong enough.

                    But she had to. She had to get out before he woke up and hurt her again.

                    Finally her fingers brushed the latch, and her heart leapt with relief. Easing open the thick door, she felt the cool night air—a balm for her wounds. The smell of alcohol faded away as she closed her eyes and breathed it in.

                    She dragged herself across the threshold, misjudging the distance and tumbling down the steps into the dirty alleyway.

                    The door swung closed behind her.

                    She lay there, staring up at the winking stars, and the full moon.

                    Part of her wondered if her mani was out there, somewhere, looking at the same stars and thinking of her.

                    “I miss you,” Sef whispered.

                    She rolled onto her stomach and began her death crawl again. With every step, the glass dug in further, and this time she couldn’t keep her whimpers back. Her muscles ached, and it took everything in her not to collapse.

                    Great One, help me! She begged, I need you. Please don’t let him find me, please help me make it to Lilitu’s house…please!

                    Strength and hope surged through her, clearing her vision and steadying her arms.

                    Sweat soaked her brow, and sudden chills rocked what little balance she had.

                    She needed to get help…and fast.

                    Looking over her shoulder, she realized that she’d made it almost a block. She gritted her teeth against the pain. Nausea coursed through her, and she rocked back on her knees, clutching her stomach as dry heaves sucker punched her in the gut.

                    Her hair hung loose about her shoulders and she held it to the side with one hand as her stomach burned. Her vision dissolved to black at the edges.

                    No!

                    She crawled forward several feet, and screamed in pain as she felt the sickening shudder of the glass hitting bone.

                    Colors exploded in her mind…red…bright light…red again…and finally black.

                     

                    Footsteps pounded against the pavement.

                    “H-help…” she whispered, too weak to raise her voice. “Please…help me…

                    The footsteps stopped. Please, she screamed with her mind.

                    She felt arms around her, lifting her up.

                    “Sef!”

                    She knew that voice.

                    How did she know that voice?

                    “L-Lilitu?” She could barely form the words. Every move of her lips was as if she had run a marathon.

                    “What happened?” she heard the strain in his voice. “Who did this?” the force and anger in his words was intense.

                    “Please…help me…” she said again.

                    She felt him lifting her to his chest with ease. She leaned into him, and heard his heartbeat against her ear.

                    It was the sound of hope.

                    She tried to stay awake…she tried to fight it…but then she slipped away.

                     

                     

                    Lukas&Livia
                    #Lalbert
                    Sef&Chase
                    #HOTTOLINE
                    LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                    #174207
                    Anonymous
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 8156

                      @savannah_grace2009 G I R L!!!!!

                      POOR SEF!!! 😭😭 the audacity of Iver to treat Sef such a way!!!! 😡

                       

                      yeah, I think I do need to call the Protection Squad…but I think there’s only, like, two, maybe three of us left XD eh, no matter

                      *teleports Sef to the Protection Squad cottage and offers her blankets and hot cocoa*

                      She’ll be back when you decide to give her something happy 😇XD

                       

                      seriously though, you wrote that beautifully. It was descriptive without being graphic, and I can really feel Sef’s pain in that writing. 😭<3

                      #174211
                      Sara
                      @savannah_grace2009
                        • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                        • Total Posts: 1984

                        @freedomwriter76

                        I know…he makes me SO MAD!!!

                        You can give her hot cocoa and blankets…she needs it…😭😭😭

                        Don’t worry…Lilitu’s rescuing her <333

                        OH MY GOODNESS YOU PUT LEFSE IN YOUR SIGNATURE!!!! That means so much to me!

                        Thanks for reading it <33

                        I wrote it in English at school (we weren’t doing anything and had free time) and was depressed the rest of the day *cries* I told my classmates and they were like “you did it to yourself”….I kind of did though XD

                        Lukas&Livia
                        #Lalbert
                        Sef&Chase
                        #HOTTOLINE
                        LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                        #174236
                        Sara
                        @savannah_grace2009
                          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                          • Total Posts: 1984

                          @freedomwriter76 @hybridlore @acancello @esther-c @scoutfinch180

                          Okay…part TWO of the sad scene…

                          Lilitu walked briskly down the dimly lit streets, Sef’s emaciated form in his arms.

                          Though his foot pained him, he could barely feel it now.

                          His body thrummed with adrenaline.

                          She was so weightless….his stomach turned. He could feel every bone in her body against his chest.

                          It was like she hadn’t eaten in weeks.

                          He shook his head. Would Iver really have starved her?

                          The reply was instant. Yes.

                          Anger coursed through him, boiling his blood.

                          How could he?

                          Sef’s breathing, now irregular, spurred him on towards home.

                          He couldn’t lose her.

                          Blood soaked through her clothes and he felt the dampness against his skin.

                          Hold on…please hold on…

                           

                          He had been on his way to the market, hoping to find some food before dawn broke, in the cool of the morning before the streets became clogged with people. He knew well that the more people there were in the market, the more likely he was to get caught.

                          It was a miracle that he’d passed the alley where Sef was when he did.

                          If he’d waited minutes longer to leave his house…

                          It could have been too late.

                          Now he wondered why he didn’t see it before. He never saw her much anymore and was too afraid to ask what he suspected might be true.

                          He ground his teeth. Iver had abused her for almost a year now, and he never had the guts to help her.

                          He rounded the corner, and saw the lights from his house.

                          The sun peeked out from behind the buildings, bathing the small shacks in light. The vibrant colors of sunrise cast light on Sef’s ashen face.

                          Her face was bloodied, bruised…now he was not only angry. This was pure rage.

                          How dare he?

                          What had happened to her?

                          Iver had taken this beautiful girl and-and-

                          Lilitu closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t want to think about it.

                          He held her close, protectively.

                          Struggling to get up the stairs as his foot throbbed, Lilitu gritted his teeth. Sef was in a much worse state than he, and he wasn’t going to let his pain get in the way of helping her.

                          Something he should have done a long time ago.

                          He shoved open the door to his house.

                          “Mani! Pani! Cass! Eloy!” he called urgently, hurrying to the couch and laying Sef down. He tried to be gentle, but his twisted foot gave way, and he barely caught himself before he landed on top of Sef.

                          He saw now that she was in her nightgown, and he looked away to preserve her modesty.

                          Indie and Azazel rushed into the room.

                          “What-” Indie looked at Lilitu—and then she saw Sef and brought a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide. “No. He didn’t!”

                          His brothers entered the living room and stopped dead in their tracks. Cass caught his breath. “No!”

                          “Sit down,” Indie guided Lilitu to a chair next to Sef. “You’re probably exhausted…carrying her all the way here,”

                          “It was easy,” Lilitu said, pursing his lips and looking at his mother. “She probably hasn’t eaten in days…she was light as a feather.”

                          Indie shook her head in disbelief.

                          “Cassian, get water and bandages,” Azazel took charge, the lines in his chiseled face deepening. “And Eloy, go outside to the neighbors. Someone’s got to have some medicine for her fever,” he said, noticing how Sef’s forehead glittered with beads of perspiration. “Lilitu, just rest now.”

                          Lilitu nodded, though he couldn’t see how he could possibly rest now, when his best friend was-was…his throat constricted and he fought the tears back.

                          Indie knelt down beside Sef and gasped.

                          “Azazel…look…” Lilitu glanced over and his stomach turned. Amid the blood and bruises protruded a large shard of glass just under her kneecap. “It’s in deep.”

                          Azazel shook his head and pounded his fist against the wall, and the framed pictures shuddered. “I’m going to kill him. I’m going to-”

                          “Nobody is killing anybody until we help the poor girl,” Indie said sternly.

                          Cass rushed in, armed with buckets of water, white cloths and their meager supply of bandages. Looking at Sef now, Lilitu wondered if it would be enough.

                          “How could he?” Indie said, her voice breaking as she dabbed around Sef’s knee with a wet cloth.

                          Azazel held the tweezers in his shaking hands and knelt beside Indie. “We have to remove it, before it gets infected.” then he cursed. “With the way that-that man has been treating her, it probably is.”

                          He gritted his teeth, and Lilitu quickly averted his eyes as Azazel deftly removed the chunk of glass. Tears blurred his vision as he saw how large the shard really was.

                          It wasn’t just a shard.

                          It was several inches long.

                          ***

                          Sef’s eyes fluttered open, and she found herself in a bed so soft she wondered if she was in heaven.

                          Her knee throbbed with a pain so sharp it made her gasp.

                          Something soft brushed her face, and she realized that she was covered in blankets.

                          Blankets. Clean ones.

                          And a clean pillow too, she noted. Where was she?

                          Something about the room tugged on her memory, adding to the confusion swarming in her mind.

                          Where had she seen that lamp before?

                          She’d recognize it anywhere…the vintage bulb and the stand…a carved log.

                          And then it all came rushing back.

                          Last night.

                          The memories came rushing back before she could stop them. She covered her ears and closed her eyes tight as if to blot out everything that had happened.

                          Another thing struck her. The room didn’t smell like dirt, like sweat, tears, blood, or cigarette smoke.

                          No. It smelled of something much better.

                          It smelled like Lilitu.

                          Sef blushed, embarrassed that she knew exactly what he smelled like. But she’d worn his hoodies several times, been in his room countless times more…enough to know that he smelled like Indie’s fresh cookies that he was constantly helping himself to when he thought nobody was looking.

                          You’re safe.

                          The sudden thought surprised her. How could she be safe?

                          She shuddered, and a sob wrenched from her gut as she heard Iver’s voice, vividly felt his rough hands.

                          She curled her knees to her chin, tugging the covers over her head as if to shield herself from possible dangers. The darkness and the soft blankets made her feel safer.

                          It was now that she realized that the clothes she was wearing were not her own.

                          The unnerving thought came that someone had undressed her while she was unconscious, but she easily recognized the feel of the clothes as Indie’s. She’d borrowed these once before, and she let out her breath slowly.

                          Everything was alright.

                          But why was it so hard to believe it?

                          Lukas&Livia
                          #Lalbert
                          Sef&Chase
                          #HOTTOLINE
                          LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                          #174237
                          Sara
                          @savannah_grace2009
                            • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                            • Total Posts: 1984

                            And then a bad guy POV….

                            SPOILER ALERT–Iver’s actually not real-real. He’s actually a Pythonos in disguise. Pythonos that use Dark Magick to take the form of other people are called Weavers. Anyways…

                            The Weaver awoke from his drunken state and beheld his disheveled apartment.

                            He closed his eyes and listened for the thrum of the girl’s heart…the faith and hope and truth he’d been working to make her forget.

                            He had to make her forget. If he failed…not only would be be severely punished, but their kingdom would be destroyed.

                            Last night would have done enough to substantially weaken her heart.

                            He had made sure of that.

                            He listened again.

                            Nothing.

                            Opening his eyes in surprise, he pondered what this could mean. Could he have already broken her? If so, she was much, much weaker than they had thought. How could she be so strong one moment and so weak the next?

                            Unless…

                            He tightened his fists. She couldn’t have escaped. In the state he had left her in, she couldn’t have made it up the stairs, let alone actually left the building.

                            And besides, he’d locked the door.

                            Hadn’t he?

                            With a growl of frustration, he rose to his feet, clearing his dizzy mind with a quick burst of Dark Magick.

                            He quickly made his way downstairs.

                            “Stupid girl! Where are you? Get your lazy butt up here and make me some breakfast. I’m starved!”

                            No answer.

                            No. She had to be here.

                            Opening the door, he yanked it too hard, tearing the door off its hinges. He swore, effortlessly tossing the door out of his way.

                            Peering through the darkness, he caught sight of the blood soaked, tangled sheets.

                            Where are you?

                            He tore apart the bed, screaming obscenities.

                            But it was futile.

                            The girl was gone.

                             

                            Lukas&Livia
                            #Lalbert
                            Sef&Chase
                            #HOTTOLINE
                            LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                            #174238
                            Sara
                            @savannah_grace2009
                              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                              • Total Posts: 1984

                              Guys…sorry I know this is kind of a long segment…so just ignore this if you don’t have time!!

                              Lukas&Livia
                              #Lalbert
                              Sef&Chase
                              #HOTTOLINE
                              LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

                              #174240
                              Anonymous
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 8156

                                @savannah_grace2009 Okay, sooooo I won’t be on KP the rest of the day….

                                 

                                BUT I COULDN’T IGNORE THIS!!!!

                                AHHHH, I LOVE LILITU’S FAMILY!!!!

                                AND SEF!!! 😭😭

                                AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

                                 

                                and I DESPISE Iver right now, but he’s also piquing my curiosity

                                #174244
                                Esther
                                @esther-c
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 3205

                                  @savannah_grace2009

                                  Aww, Sef!!! 😭

                                  Girllll, whyyy??

                                  You wrote this so well though. And I love Lilitu. 😁 But I’ve probably told you that already. 😂

                                  @freedomwriter76

                                  Oh my goodness, I love your signature. 🥰

                                  Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

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