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@esther-c. WOOO-HOOOO!!!! GO, GIRL!!!! 🥳🎈🎉🎊🎉🎈🥳🎊 I can’t WAIT to see it in it’s final stage!!!
I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten around to reading what you’ve posted! 😭😅🤦🏻♀️
AHHH CONGRADULATIONS!!! *literal round of applause + standing ovation*
*bows* Thank you, thank you! XD lol
So happy for you Esther!!!
🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊
Can’t wait to see where you take it, you got this! 😁💛
Thanks!!
I can’t wait to see where it goes, too! XD
@freedomwriter76
WOOO-HOOOO!!!! GO, GIRL!!!! 🥳🎈🎉🎊🎉🎈🥳🎊 I can’t WAIT to see it in it’s final stage!!!
I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten around to reading what you’ve posted! 😭😅🤦🏻♀️
Me too!!!
It’s all good. 🙂 I still need to start reading @mineralizedwritings ’s WIP. 😅
That’s awesome, Esther!!!! Congrats!!!
Thank you!!! 😄
@y’all
I’m going to post the next two chapters today!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!! Ahhh I’m so excited for you 😁😊 🎉🎉🎉!!!!
Can’t wait to read it!!!
#HugRikerSquad
@lightoverdarkness6 @mineralizedwritings @felicity @godlyfantasy12 @freedomwriter76 @gwyndalf-the-wise
Next two chapters!!
Note: Someone that is introduced does not have a name yet. XD So he is just being called by what he is.
Chapter 24
Everton sighed, leaning on the window next to him. He stared out at the forest, watching the trees go by. He had been trying to remember what he claimed had happened a few nights ago. Despite him racking his brain, he couldn’t remember anything. It frustrated him. He knew something had happened.
The sun was beginning to set, streaking the sky with hues of scarlet, blush, dandelion, and violet. Ev was able to catch glimpses of it between the trees. It really was beautiful. Almost better than a sunrise.
“Whatcha looking at?” Ami asked beside him.
“Just the sunset.”
“Mm,” Ami said in understanding. “I like to think that God paints the sunset every night. Most people don’t appreciate it. It looks much better than the Orb.”
Ev nodded. Why did Ami like to imagine that God had crafted nature with His very hands? Did He really? Why would He bother “painting” the sunset each night if only a few people actually appreciated it?
He yawned and leaned his head back on the headrest. The two friends sat in silence. The bus rumbled through the forest. Only a few in the bus were talking. Everyone seemed tired of driving.
Ruben turned his head around. “I think it’s time we stop for the night,” he announced. Everyone agreed with nods of their heads. He maneuvered the bus into a small clearing. With a turn of the key he turned off the ignition.
Out of habit, those near the windows pulled down the windows a little bit to let the cool evening air blow through. A few people exited the bus to walk around for a little bit. Ev was not one who did. He made himself comfortable in his seat as Ami went outside.
His eyes closed and he fell asleep right away. What felt like seconds later, he heard Ruben’s strong calling out.
“Everyone get back on the bus. We need to leave now. Hurry!”
Ev’s head shot up. What was going on? In a rush, everyone was running into the bus with worried looks. He rubbed his eyes, trying to make out a clear image. As he came to his senses and looked out the window, it started to make sense.
A group of people in dark leather jackets were quickly approaching the bus.
As soon as everyone was in, Ruben slammed on the gas pedal and they flew through the forest. Ev flew up in his seat and slammed back down. Now he was fully awake. He tried to turn around in his seat to view their pursuers.
And when he did, his heart dropped. On their black leather jackets was a white marking: a never-ending swirl. Ev practically jumped out of his seat. “That’s them!” He exclaimed. “They were the ones who— Asher!” His anger returned. But he tried to contain it. There was no way that Asher was a part of the Vortex. He would never betray them.
Everyone began talking at once. Ami placed a hand on Ev’s arm. “Who’s ‘them’? What are you talking about?”
“It’s the Vortex!”
Ami’s face suddenly grew pale. “The Vortex?” She breathed.
Ev nodded. “Remember the time when I told you something happened the night before, but no one believed me?”
Ami nodded, looking around at the others.
“Everything is coming back to me now. I saw them— and Asher! They found me and knocked me out… Asher is with them. I followed him out to their hideout and—”
“Woah, woah, woah,” Destry said. “Slow down. Are you saying that Asher is a part of the Vortex?”
Ev nodded. Asher stared directly at him. Suddenly falling silent, everyone looked toward Asher and then out the back window. Asher shook his head, “You’re remembering wrong. I have nothing to do with them.” He motioned towards the members of the Vortex that managed to keep up with the bus.
Ev looked away, unsure of what to say. He had to take Asher’s word. He always trusted him. Why would Asher lie? But everything in him opposed that. He saw it with his own eyes. Asher was a part of the Vortex.
Ev clenched his fists. Impossible. How dare he ever betray them! How dare he even betray his own brother!
It took every ounce of self control in him to not walk right up to Asher and spout his mind. Right now, he had to just stay. It would only make things worse.
“Um…” Skyler said. “What’s the Vortex?”
Everyone else exchanged looks. Adalynn turned around from the passenger seat and sighed before speaking. “They are a group of people who are… hired… to do things for other people. They get paid for… breaking the law. Or… they try to capture those wanted by the government so they can get the reward.”
Skyler’s face took on a look of fear. Adalynn placed her hand on Skyler’s leg. “It’ll be okay, honey. God will keep us safe.”
Ev’s gaze dropped to the floor. How could God keep them safe? Had He really done that in their journey? They had been put in jail unjustly and now they were number one on the government’s wanted list. How is that safe? Then another thought came to his mind: They hadn’t been captured yet… They were all still alive…
Ev’s thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the bus coming to a halt. He lurched forward in his seat at the sudden impact. “Why’d we stop?” He cried out.
“We’re—ugh—stuck,” Ruben said between grunts. He was pressing down as hard as he could on the gas pedal but they weren’t moving any further. Ev’s heart started pounding even more. Was this their end?
Ev shook his head. No. He would stop them. They weren’t going to lose anybody. Ev would make sure of that.
A sudden thump sounded on top of the bus. Ev looked out his window. Members of the Vortex surrounded Geoffrey. Fear flooded Ev’s mind. There was no escape.
Sparks were seen on the ceiling and it looked as if someone was cutting a hole in the bus. Everyone pressed to the edges of the bus. Part of the top fell with a loud clanging to the floor. Ev felt someone’s hand slip into his. Ami gripped Ev’s hand. Her eyes were fixed on the rest of her family on the other side of the bus. He squeezed her hand. He would keep her safe. She would leave from here unhurt.
A man dropped from the hole in the roof of the bus. He smiled wryly. “Well… it looks like Asher was right. We’ll get a load of dreks for this.”
The man made eye contact with Ev. Ev leaned forward slightly, ready to attack. Everyone was silent for a moment…
Ev couldn’t hold it back any longer. Without a second thought… he lunged toward the man.
Chapter 25
Amidala screamed as Ev lunged toward the man. But the man did not seem surprised. He threw Ev off of him in one smooth motion. Ev thudded to the side of the bus. He groaned, but hopped back up on his feet, ready to attack again.
The man held out a hand and looked straight at Ev. Everton stopped. But only for a moment… he tried to lunge again and knock him to is feet. This time, he didn’t even come close to succeeding.
Ami gasped and placed her hands over her mouth. The man smoothly placed Ev in a stiff headlock. “If you want to live, boy, you’ll go back over there and stand silently.”
Ev’s hands clambered around his throat as he tried to suck in more air. He feebly nodded and the man dropped him. Ami ran forward and crouched by his side. “Ev, are you okay?”
“Ami, get away from him,” he said, his voice raspy.
Tears filled Ami’s eyes. She slowly stood. The man, who looked like he was the ringleader of the group, took a step closer to her. “You do the same. Get back over there.”
Ami quickly resumed her position with the others. She looked over at her father. Ruben carefully watched the man’s every move.
The ringleader rested his hand on his gun holster. He looked around, observing the group. Ev slowly stood up and limped next to Ami. She bit her lip and gripped his hand. The man pulled out his gun.
“Everybody, out. Single file line. If you try anything funny, I won’t hesitate to use my weapon.”
Ev avoided eye contact and instead looked down at his shoes. Ami, not letting go of Ev’s hand, slowly exited the bus. Over ten more Vortex members surrounded the bus. There was no way they could escape this one. Hundreds of thoughts ran through Ami’s head. They had failed. They hadn’t made it to Angularis. This was the end…
Ami stayed close to her family this time. If only they could do something to help their situation even a little bit. But no… This time they were trapped for good.
Suddenly, a verse Ami had learned as a child popped into her mind. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalms 18:2)
Tears started to fall out of Ami’s eyes. She could trust God. He was her refuge, her shield, her stronghold. She gave Ev’s hand a squeeze and looked into his brown eyes. “God is with us,” she whispered.
Ev didn’t reply, but she knew that he had heard. Ami repeated the verse over and over to herself, trying to calm her fear. My refuge… my shield… my salvation… my stronghold.
The ringleader cocked his head at them. “You aren’t going to fight? From what I’ve heard, I thought you would.” He let out somewhat of a laugh. “This is going to be easier than I thought.” He walked up to Asher. “You’re going to get your reward. Good work.”
Ami tried to contain her hurt and surprise. Ev was right. Asher nodded and joined the man’s side. “I keep my promises, *ringleader*.”
*ringleader* nodded. He motioned to the rest of his group. “Tie them up.”
In the matter of a minute, the whole group was tied and gagged. *ringleader* smiled with cruel satisfaction. He started walking away. Each Vortex member led the group farther into the forest. Asher did not. He tried to avoid looking at the group. He did betray them.
Tears fell from Ami’s eyes. She looked down, feeling defeated. The last rays of the sun cast odd shadows across the forest floor. They walked deeper into the forest. Finally, they reached a cave. There was no way they would all fit in there.
They were led to the very back of the cave. They all were forced to stand on a faint circle on the ground. *ringleader* pulled a lever in the middle of the circle and the ground beneath them began to slowly turn and lower into the earth. Ami closed her eyes, trying to ignore the nauseated feeling she felt when she looked below her.
When they stopped, Ami opened her eyes… and gasped. They had entered an elaborate underground building. It was empty except for a few guards at different posts. The group was led down the wide hall. Doors were on all sides of them, but they never entered any of them. The echoes of their footfalls resounded off the walls, seeming to mock them.
They made it to the back of the underground chamber. There was a massive door. *ringleader* placed his hand on a scanner and the door opened, revealing a room wider than the one they were just in, but shorter in length. To the left of them, sat a long metal desk with multiple computer screens and a black chair behind it.
The chair spun around, revealing Derek Len and the nasty smile he had plastered on his face. He stood up and sauntered over to the helpless group. “I have other connections you know,” he said in response to their surprised faces. He didn’t speak for a moment. “Nothing? You’re not going to say anything?”
Ami avoided eye contact, but she could tell that a few of the them were annoyed. Of course they couldn’t! Len gasped slightly. “How rude of me to not notice!” He motioned to a few of the Vortex members. “Remove their gags… I want to speak with them…” He watched them carefully, trying to read their faces.
Ami took a long breath when her gag was removed. She bit her lip, trying to ignore the nasty taste the cloth had left in her mouth. Len shoved his hands in his pockets and started pacing. “You know… You all are a very special group of people. We’ve had many try to oppose us before, but none have gotten as far as you. At least in a good condition. Do you know why you made it this far?”
Ami wanted to blurt out, “Because you are not strong enough to defeat our God who has a purpose for us!” But she kept it inside. No one else answered, so Len took it upon himself to do so.
“I’ve let you.”
Ev snorted. Len flashed him a look and lowered his voice. “You don’t believe me?”
Ev shook his head. “Why should I?”
“Oh! So you want to play that game with me. You won’t get anything out of me, boy. You’re not as smart as you think you are.”
“Neither are you.”
Clearly piffed, Len took a step closer to Ev. “You know what power I have, don’t you? I lead this country. Everyone will bend to my will…” He pointed to him. “Even you.”
Ev stood there, unmoving. Len backed away. “Lock them up… And lock them up good. We can’t have any more faulty guards.”
Ami gasped within. She was afraid to imagine what had happened to the guard that Ev had taken the key from. Len was more cruel than she had thought.
As soon as she was locked in her cell and she was untied, she collapsed to her knees in exhaustion. There was no hope at this point. There was no escape. Tears rolled down her cheeks and onto her hands. “Lord,” she cried aloud. “I know You are my refuge… but where are You?”
(When I hadn’t written anything beyond this point, I was like: My poor girl!! 😭)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Asher!!!! WHAT!!??
I kind of thought he was a bit shady but I never thought he’d do something like that!!
He must increase, but I must decrease.
Asher!!!! WHAT!!??
I kind of thought he was a bit shady but I never thought he’d do something like that!!
Ikr?!
I knew he was gonna do something, then I came up with this and I was like: Oh boy! This will be fun! His motive is explained later… 😏
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
ASHER NOOOOOO!!!
TO YOUR OWN BROTHERS?!?!?! WHY?!?!
@esther-c I NEED MOOOOREEEEARE MA BOYS OKAY
I MEAN YOUR BOYS XD XD
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebAnd we feel ya Ami 😭
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebARE MA BOYS OKAY
I MEAN YOUR BOYS XD XD
Lol. XD
For now. 😏
Here are the next two!! @mineralizedwritings @felicity @lightoverdarkness6 @gwyndalf-the-wise
Chapter 26
Everton held his anger in as he was locked in his cell. He glanced at the door as it was shut. There was no way he was getting out. The door must have been at least three feet thick. Trying to contain his rage, he sat on the bed in the corner of the room and repeatedly ran his hands through his hair.
He licked his lips, holding back tears. They had failed… he had failed… If he had never lashed out at the airport, they could be at Angularis by now. They could have succeeded… but no… it was all his fault that they had failed.
His father was right. I am a failure, Ev thought. Why do I even try? A memory of when he was in middle school came to his mind.
Asher sits down on a bench at the park, motioning for Everton to do the same.
Ev seats himself beside his brother. “What did you want to tell me?” Ev asks.
Asher sighs and runs his hand through his thick black hair. “I overheard Dad
talking to you about what happened at school…”
“It was kind of hard not to overhear,” Ev says, sighing. “Please don’t try to
lecture me on this as well. I know I shouldn’t have gotten in a fight with that guy
but—”
Asher shakes his head and interrupts. “I’m not going to… I want to know why you
did it.”
“You said you heard me and Dad talking.”
Asher gives Ev a look. Ev grunts. “Fine… The guy saw the grade on my test and
called me a failure.”
“Is that all?”
“Yeah…” Ev murmurs. “And?”
“Why did you get so mad over that? I heard that the kid had to go to the nurse’s
office.”
“It was just a black eye…” Ev mumbles.
Asher turns in his seat with a huff and grabs Ev’s shoulders. “Look at me. Don’t
listen to what they say. You know you’re not a failure.”
Ev doesn’t answer. Asher catches his eye. “Right?”
Ev stood up, no longer able to contain his anger. He kicked at the leg of the metal bed, causing it to move slightly. Grunting, he slammed his fists against the wall. His tears fell freely. His anger slightly appeased, Ev turned around and let his back slide down the wall. He hugged his knees to his chests and let himself cry.
Failure…
Unlovable…
Unforgivable…
Ev grinded his teeth. No. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t be. Ami said he was successful… Ami said he was loved… Ami said he was forgiven… Then why was it so hard to believe? For once, her words almost meant nothing. They held no power. Just because she thought so, didn’t mean anyone else did.
All he asked for was a father’s love… a father’s acceptance… He longed for his father to be proud of his son.
Ev sucked in a breath. He couldn’t break down now. There had to be a way out of this mess. He wiped his nose and took a deep breath.
Derek Len’s voice came from a speaker in the room. “Wow… Everton…” he whistled slowly. “Someone’s lost their vigor.”
Ev glared at the camera in the corner, hoping Len could clearly see his face. “Believe me… It’s not gone.”
“You sure? You’re not giving up yet? Because it sure looks like it.”
Ev sucked the inside of his lip. He was not giving up… he would never give up. “You haven’t beaten me yet, Len. It takes more than that.”
Len laughed. “If you say so. But by the end of tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll be closer than you ever were to giving up.”
“I will never succumb to you.”
“I’ll let you believe that for now.”
“You know what?” Ev asked, standing up.
“Yes?”
“You should just stop talking.”
“Stop… talking?” Len asked over the microphone, not entirely sure what he was hearing.
Ev nodded, a smirk growing on his face. “Yep. Stop talking. I don’t like to hear you talk. It annoys me.”
Len was speechless on the other end. “You— I—” He huffed.
Ev chuckled. “Looks like I have you beaten. Ready to give up?”
“You don’t know who you’re talking to, boy. I can get rid of you right now.”
“So why don’t you?” Ev challenged.
“I’d like to keep you around…” Len said.
“Oh… I understand. You need a better role model in your life.”
Ev heard a click on the other end of the microphone. He chuckled to himself and sat down on the bed. Len couldn’t deal with Ev. Neither could most people. He had to give Ami kudos for dealing with him thus far. She never gave up on him… No matter how many mistakes he made…
Ev sighed. If only there were more people like her… He lay down on the creaky bed. As soon as his eyes closed, he fell right to sleep.
Ev awoke to the door to his cell door being opened. He slowly sat up, confused for a moment. Then it all came back to him as a buff guard entered his cell. He placed a metal plate with a little bit of food on it and a cup full of water next to his bed. “Eat up,” he said in a gravelly voice. “You’ll need it.” He laughed to himself as he exited the room.
Ev poked at the food with a fork. After smelling it and touching it, he wasn’t too interested in consuming it. He quickly downed the cup of water, doing his best to swallow it before tasting it. Gagging, he placed the plate and empty cup out of sight and walked over to the sink. He viewed himself in the mirror and decided it was best to wash up a bit, despite being in prison.
Soon after he had washed his face, the door was unlocked again. The same guard came back in. He eyed the food still on the ground. “You sure you don’t want to eat that?”
Ev gave him a look like the guard was supposed to know the answer. “I’m sure. But if you want me to eat, maybe you can share a bit of your breakfast with me.”
The guard gave him a scowl and walked out with the plate and empty cup in hand. The door slammed behind him. Ev sat down on the cold floor and looked around the room. Something under the bed caught his eye. It was a small hole, big enough for a mouse to fit through.
He cocked his head. It was impossible for a mouse to make a perfect hole like that through a metal wall. Ev pushed the bed out of the way, the metal screeching against the floor. He crouched down by the hole. Maybe someone was on the other side.
“H— Hello?” He said, his voice echoing down the small tunnel. Before he could get an answer, a guard opened the door. He cocked his head at Ev.
“Get up off the floor. Len wants to speak with all of you… insiders.” He said the word with disgust.
Ev stood up and tried to hold back a smirk. This would be interesting.
Chapter 27
Everton slowly followed the guard out of the cell. The others in the group did the same. No one looked well rested. They all trudged down the hall with their heads hung low.
“Hurry up,” the guard snapped. They picked up their pace but not by much. They were led through the underground building into an office just big enough for them, a few guards, and… Derek Len.
Len glared at Ev when he came in. Ev smirked. Good. He had bothered him. The group stood along the back wall. Len stood as well, but on the other side of the room. “Well don’t be shy. Come closer. I just want to ask you a few questions.” He smiled.
Ev grimaced and warily took a few steps closer, as did the others.
“Alright then. Let’s jump right into it. First question: why are you here?” Len asked, scanning the group. They all exchanged confused glances. Why ask a question with such an obvious answer?
Ev caught his eye. “Because you don’t like us.”
Len cocked his head. “I never said that.”
Ev adjusted his position. He was right. “But you sure imply it.”
“Listen. I’m just making sure that Aletheia is at peace. It can’t be with rebels like you running rampant,” he motioned towards the group.
Ev grunted as Len continued, “I still want an answer to that question. Any ideas?”
No one answered… until Ruben took a step forward. “We are here because this is where God wants us right now.”
Len narrowed his eyes. He nodded slightly. After a pause he said, “Alright… Let’s move on…” he cleared his throat. “Second question: what are you trying to achieve in opposing us?”
Ev took a deep breath. What a loaded question. He opened his mouth to speak, but Len held up a hand and met his eyes. “Ah! Wait. Let’s give the others a chance to answer.”
Ev scowled. Skyler crossed her arms and started speaking, “Sir… we don’t really want to be here right now. We have other things to do. More important things. Can you let us go?”
Ruben opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. He looked at Skyler with slight surprise. Adalynn placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. Len half-smiled and came closer. “And what are those more important things?”
“It’s confidential,” Skyler replied, holding up her head.
“You can trust me,” Len said, trying to make eye contact with her. Ev wanted to gag. This guy was sick.
Skyler’s jaw dropped. She looked around. Throwing out her hands she said, “You really think I could trust you after you imprisoned my family? I don’t think so.”
A few in the group tried to smother their laughter but didn’t succeed. Len stepped back, his eyes wide. “Well… aren’t you feisty?”
Skyler nodded, satisfied with herself. Len looked at the others. “Does anyone else want to answer? What are you trying to achieve?”
Again, everyone was silent. Len pressed his lips together. “Bring in Asher.”
A guard opened the door and Asher was led in. Ev’s expression hardened. He didn’t want to see him. He had betrayed them.
Len looked over at Asher. “Will you tell me what your group… this group… is trying to achieve? What is their goal?”
Asher licked his lips, glancing over at the others. He quickly looked away after meeting Ev’s intense stare. “They wanted to… They… Their goal…”
“Come on,” Len prompted. “Speak up. You don’t need to hesitate.”
Ev stared directly at Asher, his gaze unbreakable. Asher looked over at him again. I dare you, Ev thought. Say it already. Come on. I dare you.
Asher seemed to know what Ev was thinking. Asher straightened his posture and looked directly at Len. “They want to change the world.”
Len furrowed his brow. “Change the world? I need more details than that. Don’t be stingy with the truth.”
Asher sucked in a breath through his nose. He slowly let it out, starting to run his fingers over his knuckles. Ev watched him intently. He knew Asher was nervous.
Asher finally spoke again. “They want to… find… the cure.”
Len’s eager expression fell. His face became pale and he looked at the group in amazement. “Bayron talked to you… didn’t he?”
Ev glanced over at Ami. She licked her lips and watched Len summon the guards. “Lock them up,” he commanded, starting to leave the room. “And no one is allowed in my office. No one.”
The guards roughly took the group back to the cells. Ev tried to get close to Ami to talk to her, but the guard wouldn’t have it. He pushed Ev into his cell and locked the door. Ev started to pace.
So the cure was a real thing. But what was it? And why was it so important? Hundreds more questions tumbled through Ev’s mind, about Bayron and Derek Len, about the medallion, and about the cure. He finally sat down on the bed, running a hand through his hair.
His thoughts were interrupted by the distant sound of someone’s voice calling out, “Hello?”
Ev cocked his head, listening for it again.
“Hello?” It sounded again. Ev’s face lit up. He knew that voice anywhere. He crouched down by the hole and replied back.
“Hello? Ami, is that you?”
“Ev?”
“Yeah, it’s me! Are you okay?”
“For now… you?”
“Now I am.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Ev shook his head, even though she couldn’t see it. “Nothing.”
Ami was silent for a moment. “You know… at the other prison, there was a hole just like this one under the bed.”
“Really?”
“Mm-hm. I wondered how it got there. I think it connects to an adjacent cell.”
“Obviously… but why would it be here? Somebody had to make it in the first place.”
“I know,” Ami replied. “But why? What could it be used for? Besides talking to your inmates.” She chuckled softly.
“I call you my friend, but I never thought I’d call you my inmate.” He chuckled.
After a pause, Ami said, “Ev?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m scared… We can’t escape this time.”
Ev swallowed. He had had the same thoughts. “Ami… we… we’ll be fine. You said God was with us.”
She sighed deeply. “I know…”
Ev heard footsteps coming down the hall. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay. Bye,” Ami replied. Ev could hear the soft smile in her words.
He quickly stood up and pretended to be pacing the room. The door opened and Ev stopped, his gaze focused on the one who had just entered. Asher.
(I love my Skyler!! She’s awesome!) (And Everton… 😭 You are NOT a failure!)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@esther-c AHHHH!!
btw is Ev’s little brother still there? Along with Ami’s brothers? I haven’t heard from them so I wasn’t sure if they were still there (I might’ve missed something lol)
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebbtw is Ev’s little brother still there? Along with Ami’s brothers? I haven’t heard from them so I wasn’t sure if they were still there (I might’ve missed something lol)
Yep! 👍 I just kind of… um… forgot… to mention them. Also, at this point, they are in their own prison cells, so I want it to be solely focused on them and their struggles. 🙂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Oh I read them! I’m interested to know where this is going!
Pls take the following with a very large grain of salt, it’s just thoughts and I have no idea where the series is going. You as the author knows best 😀 !!
It felt a little rushed how everything happened, but I mean it is only a first draft. In the scene with Ami and Ev talking through the hole in the wall, Idk what you are planning to do with that, but it was really predictable. As soon as there was a hole in the wall, I knew where it was going 😉. I know the whole thing with Asher hasn’t been revealed yet, but it’s far enough into the book I think we should get a little bit of what he’s thinking. Is he feeling guilty? Great about his work? You don’t even have to reveal to the reader what he’s done in betrayal yet, you can just have a scene of him thinking through his feelings and let the reader be left hanging on what exactly happened. I have no idea where everything is going, but it would have been really interesting to have that hole lead to a office where Asher is. I feel like convenient things (holes in walls) are better when theirs something inconvenient involved that is unexpected.
Anyways, so happy for your progress!!
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
It felt a little rushed how everything happened, but I mean it is only a first draft. In the scene with Ami and Ev talking through the hole in the wall, Idk what you are planning to do with that, but it was really predictable. As soon as there was a hole in the wall, I knew where it was going 😉. I know the whole thing with Asher hasn’t been revealed yet, but it’s far enough into the book I think we should get a little bit of what he’s thinking. Is he feeling guilty? Great about his work? You don’t even have to reveal to the reader what he’s done in betrayal yet, you can just have a scene of him thinking through his feelings and let the reader be left hanging on what exactly happened. I have no idea where everything is going, but it would have been really interesting to have that hole lead to a office where Asher is. I feel like convenient things (holes in walls) are better when theirs something inconvenient involved that is unexpected.
*gasp* I knew something was off and you hit it spot on!! 😄
Yes, I did noticed it was rushed. I think this will definitely be a part in the second draft where I add in a couple of chapters.
As for the hole in the wall… well… I’m not entirely sure where it is going yet. 😅 Like, I know it’s going to be important. But I’m a plantser, so I’ll find its importance as I go along! 🙂
Asher… oh yes, Asher… XD. I do need to include more how he feels. It’s going to be a bit difficult seeing I’m only writing from Ami’s and Ev’s POVs, but when I add in more chapters, I’ll probably have a conversation between Ev and Asher. Cuz the plot totally differed from my original plan. XD
Thanks so much for the feedback!! I’ll definitely be using it!! 😄😉
…so I want it to be solely focused on them and their struggles. 🙂
“Them” as in Ami and Ev. Don’t think that was super clear
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Byron Len is awful! But I like how he’s a “coward” deep down. Like when they mention God he’s like, “Oh let’s move on.”
Asher!!! *grinds teeth* what are you doing??!! I’m interested to see how his conversation with Ev goes….if they can have one without getting into a fight….
He must increase, but I must decrease.
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