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*clears throat*
Ok… I’m good now. 😁😁
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
You are so good at the subtle romance between Ev and Ami, it’s really cute!!
If you are just sharing and not wanting critiques, that’s ok feel free to let me know, I just love giving them XD
Sometimes in various scenes with Ev and his Dad, with the whole forgiveness arc, I feel like there isn’t a distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. We have to forgive others, but to me reconciliation is a bit different, especially with somebody who shows no remorse over there abusiveness.
Ami went on to explain what Malyk had done. Ev bit his lip, deep in thought. “You know,” Ami said. “I really think you should really try to reconcile with him.”
Ev shook his head. “I… I don’t know.”
Ami smiled. “I’m praying for you, Ev.” She rubbed his shoulder.
He looked up at her. It was more than a look of gratitude in his eyes. It was almost curiosity. “Really?”
I kinda get what you are trying to portray here, but that could be taken pretty badly by some. My personal opinion is that Ev would have a responsibility to both forgive and protect himself from further harm. Unless his dad has changed, he still has to try to protect himself. So Ami saying “I’m praying for you” over him reconciling causes me to think she doesn’t understand what he has been through and the dangers (emotionally or physically) of trying to reconcile with somebody who doesn’t care. That’s just my opinion, I don’t know what you have planned for later in the book XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Yes! I do want critique! 🙂
You are so good at the subtle romance between Ev and Ami, it’s really cute!!
Thx!! I love writing it!
I kinda get what you are trying to portray here, but that could be taken pretty badly by some. My personal opinion is that Ev would have a responsibility to both forgive and protect himself from further harm. Unless his dad has changed, he still has to try to protect himself. So Ami saying “I’m praying for you” over him reconciling causes me to think she doesn’t understand what he has been through and the dangers (emotionally or physically) of trying to reconcile with somebody who doesn’t care. That’s just my opinion, I don’t know what you have planned for later in the book XD
Ok. I see what you’re saying. That’s a good point. In my head, Ami’s a little more sensitive to others’ emotions than most, so maybe I’ll have to work on portraying that more. But then again, maybe she is just assuming they both want reconciliation because it’s obvious that they need it. Like, she understands how much pain hurts, but she doesn’t fully understand how Ev feels. He really need to open up to her. XD
And I will probably have to work on how Malyk acts. How he feels at the moment is sort of vague.
I think at this point in the story, neither Malyk nor Ev wants reconciliation. Of course Ev wants a father’s love, but he isn’t willing to risk anything for it right now. Later on, I’m gonna have some things happen that forces them to solidify their relationship, whether in a good or bad way.
Thanks for the feedback!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Congradulations on 21 chapters!
Thanks!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Oh, ok! This will be interesting! Looking forwards to seeing how that developers, and can’t wait or Ev to open up. Seems like that will be a moment for them.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Me too! Lol!
I’m a plantser, so I do have some things plotted, but most of it just plays out itself. For example, after they went to the prison, most of what happened afterwards wasn’t really in my outline. 🙂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@mineralizedwritings @lightoverdarkness6 @gwyndalf-the-wise @godlyfantasy12
Finally!! The next chapter! I plan to finish the book by the end of the month, so I’ll be trying to crank out the last chapters in the next few days.
This chapter revealed to me a side of Ami that I didn’t know existed! And I love it!! In this chapter, not much happens. (It may just be a filler chapter…) But I enjoyed writing it because I got to develop Ami and Ev’s relationship more.
Chapter 22
Amidala took one last sip of her water. She tightened the cap on the bottle and set it down beside her. Sighing, she leaned back and used her hands to prop herself up. She turned her face toward the sun.
“How long has it been since we left home?” She asked Ev, who was sitting next to her.
Ev’s expression turned to one of thinking. He quickly did the math in his head. “Today’s our thirteenth day away.”
Ami’s eyes grew wide. “It feels so much longer than that.”
Ev nodded. “I know…”
“I miss home,” she said, sighing again.
“Mm,” he replied, looking down. Ami bit the inside of her lip. She had better not push it any further. She knew Ev missed his family’s house, but he didn’t miss his home. She cast him a look, trying to show him that she understood. He seemed to get her message and smiled softly.
Skyler came bounding over, breaking the silence. Her hands were cupped together. A mischievous smile was on her lips. “Look what I found,” she said, slowly opening her hands.
Ami furrowed her brow, leaning in closer. A frog jumped out of Sky’s hands. Ami gasped and clambered away. Sky screeched as the frog hopped away. “You scared it!” She cried, chasing the frog around the trees.
Ami stared blankly. A grin slowly spread across her face as she began to recover from her shock. A small giggle escaped her lips. “Skyler!” She called. Sky peeked around a tree with her escapee in her hands.
“Yeah?”
“You know I hate frogs…” Ami stood up.
Sky grinned. “And?”
“And I know you hate—”
“Stop!” Sky said, running forward. “Don’t say anymore and I promise I won’t release any frogs on you again.”
Ami put her hands on her hips, considering the proposition. She sighed. “Alright. It’s a deal.” She held out her hand to shake Sky’s.
Skyler firmly shook her hand. But as she did so, the frog found it as an opportunity to escape. It again jumped out, this time landing Ami’s arm. She squealed and jumped back, shaking her arm, frantically trying to get rid of the creature. It quickly hopped off and landed on the ground with a small plop. It hopped away.
Sky humphed. She threw her hands in the air. “I give up on that thing.”
Ami caught her eye. “You just broke your promise. That gives me the right to break mine… right?”
“No, no, no, no!” Sky said, holding up her hands. “That didn’t count. The frog attacked you. It wasn’t my fault.”
Ami rolled her eyes. “I shall grant you mercy this one time.”
Sky grinned and ran off to rejoin Fynn and Lukas at the creek. Ami smiled, sitting back down. “She’s crazy.”
Ev chuckled. “Just like her sister.”
Ami flashed him a look.
Ev raised his eyebrows, a smile dying to escape his lips. He didn’t break eye contact. Ami grinned. “I don’t think so, buddy.”
“You sure?”
“Oh yes,” Ami replied, nodding. She gathered the remains of her lunch and headed towards Geoffrey. Ev placed himself in front of the open door.
“Wait! Don’t you remember? You promised me something.”
Ami’s look showed him that she didn’t.
“You promised me your brownie. You didn’t want to eat it.”
“I did?” Ami asked, acting all surprised. “What if I want it now?”
Ev sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “I’m sorry but a promise is a promise.” He held out his hand and looked at her. “Brownie… please?”
Ami, a mischievous grin growing on her face, suddenly darted away, leaving behind a confused Ev.
“Hey!” He called out. “I want my brownie!”
Ami just giggled and kept running, keeping herself a good distance ahead of Ev. She continued darting through the trees, holding the brownie with a napkin, careful not to drop it. Ev followed close behind her. She finally rounded a corner, out of breath, and hid behind a large oak tree.
Ev was quickly approaching. Ami held up the brownie, ready to give it to Ev, but he didn’t slow down enough. She came out from behind the tree, slowly raising her hands in surrender. But her hands weren’t high enough yet. Ev ran face-first into his beloved brownie. Ami backed away, bursting out in laughter.
Ev stood there, shocked at the impact. He slowly wiped the gooey chocolate off his face, the chocolate-smeared napkin not helping much. “Well… I didn’t expect you to feed it to me.”
Ami just laughed as he tried to clean his face. Ev started walking towards the bus. “I need to get a napkin or something.”
Ami fell in step beside him. Their laughter slowly subsided. As they walked, Ami slowed down her pace and nudged Ev in the shoulder. “Ev look. I think your dad’s laughing at us. Do you see that?” She stopped walking and looked ahead to where Malyk was watching them.
Ev looked the same direction she was. The corner of Malyk’s mouth was turned up in what looked like a smile. His head bobbed up and down in a small laugh.
“He smiles like you,” Ami said softly.
Ev just stared. When Malyk saw them watching him, his small grin fell and he walked away.
Ami sighed. “You two are more alike than you know.”
“You really think so?”
“At least in how you look. As for the inside, that’s something you have to decide. You know him better than me.” She offered a small smile.
Ev sighed as well. He didn’t say anything else, which made Amidala think that he was actually considering her words. Maybe he was thinking about their conversation a few days ago…
As they began walking again, the sunlight glinted off of something on the ground. She cocked her head and crouched down to pick it up. She pulled it out of the damp leaves. It was the medallion that Bayron Len had given her. “I must have dropped this,” she murmured to herself.
“Whadya say?” Ev asked, peeking over her shoulder.
“I dropped the medallion. I need to be more careful. I think it’s important. You know—”
Suddenly, Ev crouched down and placed a hand over Ami’s mouth. Confused, she tried to remove it, but Ev put a finger to his lips. Ami followed his gaze. Her heart started pounding. A few yards away, a man dressed in camouflage crouched down and started to smoothly move away from them.
When he was out of sight, Ami whispered, “Who was that?”
“I don’t know…” Ev replied, standing up and offering his hand to help Ami up off the ground. She refused, seeing the melted chocolate smeared across his palm. “He had these big binoculars, like the one’s Len’s guards have, and was watching us.”
Ami sighed. She shoved the medallion in her pocket. “We have to be more careful. Maybe it was one of Len’s soldiers.”
Ev nodded. “Yeah…”
Ami started walking again. “Come on,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s get that mess off your face.”
Ev caught up with her brisk pace. He wiped his face on his sleeve a few times. “What mess?” He turned to her, a grin on his face.
Ami shrugged. “Like I said. Let’s get that mess off your face.”
“Hey!” Ev said, pretending to be offended. “You know my looks are irresistible.” He smirked.
Ami didn’t answer but instead kept walking, hoping that Ev wouldn’t see her red cheeks.
“Aha!” He said. “I was right.” Satisfied, he crossed his arms.
Ami rolled her eyes. Maybe he was right… but she wouldn’t tell him. To her relief, Ruben’s voice called out, “Let’s pack it up!”
“Let’s hurry,” Ami said, grabbing Ev’s hand and picking up her pace.
As they loaded up the bus, Ami smiled to herself. She was lucky to know Ev as her best friend. But that’s all we are, she reminded herself. Friends. Just friends.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Aww Ami!! XDXD Ev!! He is hilarious.
Ev stood there, shocked at the impact. He slowly wiped the gooey chocolate off his face, the chocolate-smeared napkin not helping much. “Well… I didn’t expect you to feed it to me.”
XDXDXD
As they loaded up the bus, Ami smiled to herself. She was lucky to know Ev as her best friend. But that’s all we are, she reminded herself. Friends. Just friends.
Haha, Ami. It’s a bit obvious that you’re a little more than friends XDXD! This one is one of my favorite chapters :)!! Great job!
#HugRikerSquad
I liked it! I feel like it’s important in fast paced stories to have some down moments to let the charries be teenagers even in dire circumstances. Super cute… Ami can’t deny her crush forever… 😉 XD
Idk what you’re planning for the ending, but wow sounds like that’s coming up soon! What do you think the final word count will be about?
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Agh! This is the third time I’ve had to write this. Hopefully it works. 🤞
I’m glad you enjoyed it!!
Haha, Ami. It’s a bit obvious that you’re a little more than friends XDXD!
Lol! Ikr?!
I liked it! I feel like it’s important in fast paced stories to have some down moments to let the charries be teenagers even in dire circumstances. Super cute… Ami can’t deny her crush forever… 😉 XD
Yeah! This chapter kind of wrote itself. XD But I liked how it turned out!
Idk what you’re planning for the ending, but wow sounds like that’s coming up soon! What do you think the final word count will be about?
I’m in the homestretch of writing it!! About 7 chapters left! I’m excited! =D
As for word count… idk. XD My doc is telling me I’m over 2500 words. In the end, I think it will be 40,000 to 60,000 words. (I hope) (Not quite novel length… but… it’s okay! XD)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
So exciting! Wow, those are going to be some beefy 7 chapter XDXD That’s a lot of words to cram into the end! And yeah, it doesn’t have to be novel length. Thanks for sharing it with us, we’re happy to be with you on this journey!!
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
I know!! XD
Thanks for sharing it with us, we’re happy to be with you on this journey!!
Of course!! Y’all have been a huge help! <3
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@mineralizedwritings @lightoverdarkness6 @felicity @gwyndalf-the-wise @godlyfantasy12 @freedomwriter76
*squeal of delight*
I finished writing the first book in the Endoxos Trilogy Tuesday night!!!! 🥳✨
The word count is over 34,000. Yeah… not that much. But by the second draft, I want it to be between 40,000 and 60,000. We’ll see what happens!
Once I do a little bit of editing on the last few chapters, I’ll post them!
(Guys… I love the end of the last chapter. In all honesty, it isn’t even that dramatic, but I love it nonetheless! And the epilogue… *evil smile* I’m so excited for the second book!!!)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@esther-c
AHHH CONGRADULATIONS!!! *literal round of applause + standing ovation*"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19So happy for you Esther!!!
🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊
Can’t wait to see where you take it, you got this! 😁💛
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
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