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@mineralizedwritings @godlyfantasy12 @lightoverdarkness6 @felicity
As of now, the last chapter I’ve posted is all I have written. I promise one or two new chapters within the first week of the new year!
Oh, and the last part at the end of the chapter where Ami remembers that they forgot Artemis… well… pretend that never happened. Let’s just pretend that they got Artemis out as well. 😅
I change stuff all the time. XD
@freedomwriter76
If you’re still interested, I think the last chapters that you haven’t read are 7 to the last chapter I posted. Don’t take my word for it, tho. And don’t feel obligated to read it if you don’t want to. 😉
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 76
Yes, what happens to people outside of the orb?
@booksandbeakers
I’m not sure how far you’ve read, but it is explained once they leave The Orb. Well, sort of explained. I want it to be more of a mystery as to why The Orb was there in the first place. So, as you read, (I hope) you will see that the people who live outside The Orb have a better life than those inside. At least it seems that way. 😏
Does that answer your question?
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 76
Oh…. I didn’t realize there was more chapters!! Okay, now I really feel stupid. Sorry ’bout that…
So I read all the chapters briefly. I don’t read a lot of dystopia, but wowzers!!! Yes, now I see how life outside the orb is better.
So kudos for getting that far!! Your worldbuilding is great, but one thing I would suggest is making clear any physicalphysical differences between the orb’s world and our world. Obviously not coming out and saying it… our earth doesn’t exist here… but just to help the reader understand.
@booksandbeakers
It’s all good!!
Thanks for the tips! I think I will need to add some things in along the lines of the big differences and small differences in the second draft.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@lightoverdarkness6 @mineralizedwritings @godlyfantasy12 @felicity @booksandbeakers @freedomwriter76
I finally have a name for my trilogy!!
The Endoxos Trilogy. Book one is titled: The Insiders. I already love the title!! What do you all think?
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@esther-c SOUNDS AWESOME!!! Now if I can just title my WIPs XD XD
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb@godlyfantasy12 @lightoverdarkness6 @mineralizedwritings @felicity @booksandbeakers @freedomwriter76
Next chapter y’all!! Enjoy!
Chapter 20
Everton woke up with a start. The bus had stopped moving and it looked as if they were in the middle of the woods. He slowly sat up and stretched. His hand gently brushed across his bandaged head, and the events of the night came rushing back to him. He remembered Ami asking him about how he had distracted the guards. He had pretty much told her everything… except one thing.
All the guards seemed to know that he was Malyk Barlowe’s son. Sure, they could have known that from the incident at the airport, but they said his father’s name differently. As if they knew who he was. Ev knew something was odd. His father had readily agreed to join them on their trip to Angularis. And the mysterious call in the middle of the night made his mind wonder even more.
He glanced out the window at the starry night. The stars twinkled in the heavens, complementing the half moon. He sighed. These stars were different from the ones created by The Orb. They sparkled differently… but in a good way. Did God really create them? Did He really know all of them by name like Ami said He did? And…the question that wouldn’t leave his mind… did He really care for Everton?
A hope flickered inside Ev’s chest. Was there a chance that there was someone that could love him like a father? Malyk never fully did that for him. That was all Ev asked for. Just a show of love from his father…
Before Ev closed his eyes, he heard someone getting up inside the bus. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Asher slowly creeping outside of Geoffrey. Ev watched him run slide up a tree like he had done it thousands of times. He cocked his head. As soon as Asher was out of eyesight, Ev rushed after him as silently as possible. Twigs cracked under his feet as Ev tried to keep up with Asher. Asher stopped abruptly and looked directly behind him at Everton. Ev stopped, trying to conceal himself in the darkness.
He eyed Asher. Asher shook his head just enough that Ev noticed in the dark. Everton slowly backed up. He hated to admit it, but he was a little bit scared. What was Asher doing? This was nothing like him. Ev could always trust him. Asher never kept secrets from him… or had been keeping one from him for longer than Ev realized?
Ev backed away until Asher no longer saw him. As soon as Asher left farther into the forest, Ev followed him again. This time, he tracked him all the way to a small cave. A small fire was burning inside of the cave. Gathered around the fire was a group of people. They spoke in hushed tones. All of them looked up and placed their hands on their knife sheaths as soon as Asher arrived. Asher pulled up his sleeve, revealing something on his arm.
One of the men nodded and Asher slowly approached the group. They continued speaking. The only words he caught made him curious enough: Nadirs, Barlowes, Derek Len, the Center. Ev took a step closer, squinting through the darkness trying to look closer at these people. But what he saw made his heart drop. On their jackets was a marking: a never-ending swirl.
His heart started pounding against his rib cage. Asher would never. There was no way. Ev’s head spun. He stood up and stumbled backwards. The noise caused the group to look at him. They quickly ran over and surrounded him. Ev looked up at the cruel faces looking down at him.
One man bent over and yanked Ev up by his shirt collar. “You spying on us?”
Ev frantically shook his head. The man laughed. “Like you could trick us! You know who we are right?” The man set him on his feet and took a step back. He threw out his hands. “We are The Vortex!” He narrowed his eyes. “Nobody can escape our grasp.”
The group laughed wryly. The last thing Everton remembered was the feeling of thousands of icicles shooting through his veins… and darkness…
Ev sat up straight, breathing hard. He threw his hands out trying to stabilize the spinning of the room. Amidala grabbed his arms, trying to still him. “Sshh… sshh… Everton, calm down. It’s just me, Amidala.”
At the sound of her voice, Ev came to his senses. The room slowly stabilized. He looked to the left at Ami. She removed her hands from his arms. He tried to slow his breathing. He didn’t say anything for a moment. Where was he? He looked around at all the concerned faces.
His father and mother, Lukas, Destry, Skyler, Fynn, Mr. and Mrs. Nadir, Asher… Asher! An anger boiled up in Ev. He pushed everyone aside and rushed towards Asher. Surprised, Asher stood up and held out his arms, keeping Ev at a distance. “Everton!” He snapped. “What’s wrong with you?”
Ev looked to the side, still breathing hard. What was wrong with him? He was mad at Asher… but why? He couldn’t remember anything except that feeling… so cold… it felt as if icicles had shot through his veins. Ev shuddered and slowly sat down in his seat. “They… I-I-I don’t know what happened…”
Ami looked at him with concern etched into her features. “What do you mean?”
“I… Something happened last night. I know it. I just… can’t remember what.”
“Tell me,” Ami said, looking into his eyes. She placed her hand on top of his. Malyk seemed to notice and he raised an eyebrow. Ev took a deep breath.
“I remember waking up in the middle of the night. I was thinking through… some things and I remember looking out at the sky. The last thing I remember was this frigid pain run through me… as if ice was running through my veins.”
Ami sighed, glancing around. She lowered her voice. “Everton… are you sure you weren’t dreaming?”
He shook his head. He knew for sure that it wasn’t just a dream. Something very real happened to him… but he just couldn’t remember what.
She smiled. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He nodded and forced a smile. “Yeah… I’m good… Thanks, everybody. You don’t have to be worried.” He felt his cheeks growing warm in embarrassment.
Everyone cast him looks of understanding. Except for Malyk. He looked at Everton with a look of disappointment and embarrassment. Ev looked away. Why should his opinion matter anyway?
Ruben got readjusted in his seat. “We’ll keep driving. And we need to stay hidden as long as possible,” he patted the steering wheel. “Poor ol’ Geoffrey’s pretty easy to spot. We may have to get rid of him soon.”
Fynn’s jaw dropped. “We can’t get rid of Geoffrey!”
Ruben cast him a disapproving look. Fynn shrugged, “He’s a great guy.”
Ruben started the bus and rumbled through the off-road in the forest. Ev looked out his window, sighing. He really did mess things up for everybody… all the time. This time, it didn’t ruin their journey, but he made everyone worried. He ran a hand through his hair. Why couldn’t his family just be normal? Why couldn’t he just be normal?
Lukas came and gently seated himself beside Ev. “Hey… uh…” Lukas ran a hand through his slightly curly hair. “I believe you.”
Everton smiled his thanks. At least someone did, even if it was just gullible Lukas. The two brothers sat in silence. Ev caught Lukas staring at Skyler who was arguing with Fynn over which brand of potato chips was better and why. Ev nudged him. Lukas looked up, his face turning a pink color.
Ev smirked. “If you like her, don’t just stare.”
Lukas sheepishly grinned. “What? Like you would have any better suggestions.”
Offended, Ev raised an eyebrow. He snorted. “Believe me… I know the best ways to get a girls attention.”
“Then why haven’t you started going out with Ami yet?”
Ev’s jaw dropped and his face grew red. He blinked. “‘Cause…” he mumbled, not making eye contact. Lukas chuckled.
Ev decided not to further the conversation. After a few moments, Lukas spoke up. “I do have a real question though.”
Everton turned towards him, giving Lukas his full attention. Lukas sighed. He lowered his voice, “Why is Mr. Nadir different from Dad?”
Ev’s heart picked up its pace. Did he have to answer that? “Well, Lukas… Ruben… he really loves his children and—”
“And Dad doesn’t love us?”
Ev bit his lip. “Uh… I don’t really think I can answer that.” He directed his gaze out the window. Tears came to his eyes and he swallowed, forcing none of them to fall. That was a question that had lingered in his mind for years. And it was a question he wished he could only answer.
He turned back to Lukas who was now staring down at his shoes. Ev gently lifted his chin up. “No matter the answer to that question, remember this…” He placed his hands on his shoulders. “I’ll be here for you Lukas. I love you, buddy.”
Lukas smiled. “Me too.”
I know, I know… another plot point. XD I really need to slow it down. I believe that the second book will be a bit slower and probably more focused on the tension among the group. When I edit the first book, I may have to take some things out (😮), but we’ll see. 😁
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 76
Great title! It always makes me feel triumphant when I get a title that I really like!
I might have missed this, but how does Amidala’s dad feel about Ev’s dad? Do they get along well? Does Ami’s father ever talk to Ev’s father about the way he treats his kids?
And I really like the paragraph in chapter 19. “She was sure they could all hear her heart beating. Her hands were clammy and couldn’t stop shaking…” You did a really good depiction of fear with your language, I think.
This is by far my favorite chapter! A little conflict (or it seems to be a lot) in the main group really turns things down a different path.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
@booksandbeakers
I might have missed this, but how does Amidala’s dad feel about Ev’s dad? Do they get along well? Does Ami’s father ever talk to Ev’s father about the way he treats his kids?
Ooooh. Really great question, actually! 😅 I’m thinkin’ that may come up at some point in the second book, cuz the second book is going to be more focused on their relationships rather than the other stuff.
And I really like the paragraph in chapter 19. “She was sure they could all hear her heart beating. Her hands were clammy and couldn’t stop shaking…” You did a really good depiction of fear with your language, I think.
I’m so glad that it worked!! I’m sometimes worried about showing too much and not telling enough. It’s a balance that I have to work on, so I’m glad that it ended up really well here! 😉
Yes! I really enjoyed writing this chapter as well! It may be because I haven’t written their story in about a month, tho. XD Either way, conflict in the main group does make it very interesting!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@lightoverdarkness6 @mineralizedwritings @godlyfantasy12 @felicity @booksandbeakers @freedomwriter76
@gwyndalf-the-wise , I don’t know if you’re interested in reading more of my WIP. If you don’t want me to tag you so you can read at your own pace, just let me know. But if you do want to stay updated, let me know that as well. 🙂Next two chapters!! Just for a heads up, I changed the name of Themelios to Aletheia. (I change things all the time. XD)
Chapter 21
Amidala sat silently near the front of the bus. She felt uncomfortable sitting where everyone could see her. She’d rather be in the back… away from everyone… instead of being surrounded by all sorts of conversation and not being able to think. Malyk and Harlin occupied the seats in the back and Ami didn’t want to ask them to move.
She stared out the window at the landscape. It didn’t whiz by like she expected. It bumped up and down. The more she watched, the more she felt sick to her stomach. She tore her eyes away, forcing herself to look straight ahead at the back of Destry’s head. Ami sighed.
Des heard her and turned around. “You good?”
Ami shook her head. Des stood up and switched spots with Skyler who had been sitting next to Ami. “What is it?” He asked.
“First of all, bumping up and down on this road is making me sick,” she grimaced. Des smiled.
“Second?”
She sighed again. “I’m worried about Everton. He seems to remember something happening last night… but nothing happened! We all were in the bus… none of us were in more danger than we are already…”
“Amidala… he’ll be okay. He may be right, after all. God knows about it, okay? Trust Him.”
Ami softly smiled and nudged Destry. “You know, sometimes you actually have some wisdom to impart.”
Des chuckled. “Always, Ami. Always.”
She relaxed a bit and settled herself in her seat. A few hours later, they stopped to eat lunch. As they all ate outside of the bus, Ami noticed her father and mother talking. They had concerned faces and were near the containers that held their food.
Ami, setting aside her sandwich, approached them. “Is something the matter?”
Adalynn cast a smile. “Nothing, honey.”
Ami looked to her dad. He had exchanged a look with Adalynn. Adalynn sighed.
“Well,” Ruben said. “We’re running out of food.”
Worry shot through Ami. Not an unfamiliar feeling… She looked at her parents with worry in her eyes. “What will we do? If we go into town—”
“That’s what we have to figure out,” Ruben said. He looked over Ami’s head. Apparently, the rest of the group had heard their conversation.
“Dad?” Fynn asked. “Did you say we’re running out of food?”
Ruben nodded. He motioned for them to gather around. Everyone came closer except Malyk and Harlin who still lingered just a bit behind the rest. “We’ll have to go into town to get more… we need more money as well.”
They erupted in a chorus of excuses and worries. Ruben held up his hands. “Hey… hey!” Everyone quieted down. Ami sighed, trying to relax. Her father knew what he was doing. He always did. “Listen,” he said. “We’ll split up. Some of us will get food and the rest of us will try to earn some more money. But the Barlowe boys are are going to be too easily recognized. They can’t come in with us—”
Everton began protesting right away. “But I can help. I can work for money and—”
“Everton!” Malyk snapped. Ev fell silent. Ruben sighed and glanced at Malyk.
“I’m sorry, Everton. It’s too risky,” Ruben said. “Until we can disguise you guys, you can’t go into the town. At this point, the whole government is after us, so it’s already risky in the first place.”
Behind Ami, Ev mumbled something about himself always being risky. Ami cast him a look of sympathy. He sighed. Ruben continued, “I will take Harlin, Adalynn, and Fynn to work for money. Destry will go with Malyk, Skyler, and Ami to get food. We’ll leave in twenty minutes.”
Destry nodded. Everyone slowly dispersed and began to clean up. Ami came up to her father. “Do I have to go?”
Ruben furrowed his brow. “Yes…”
“I’m just…”
His face softened. He looked her in the eye. “Hey… you’ll be fine. Destry will keep you safe. Len’s guards can’t do anything to a sister when her big brother is there.” He smiled.
Ami grinned and nodded. Soon, they prepared to leave. Ami whispered to Ev, “You aren’t being left out. You get to protect Geoffrey. What a privilege!”
Ev rolled his eyes. “Yeah right,” he forced a smile. “See ya soon.”
Ami nodded and followed Destry out of the forest. Their group entered the outskirts of the city no problem; but when they got in, the city was crawling with guards. Thankfully, their group was all wearing hoodies. They all pulled their hoods closer to their face and kept their heads down.
Ami stayed so close to Destry that she kept bumping into him. He stopped for a moment. He pretended to take a deep breath. She nodded and slowly took a deep breath as they continued down the street.
Soon, they reached the market. It would be easier to buy things from the community market than from the store. They went from booth to booth, buying what they needed and filling their bags. When they reached the second-to-last booth, they were stopped by a guard. Ami stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard his voice.
She kept her head down, staring at his boots. “Look up,” he commanded them. Ami was about to do so, but felt someone nudge her shoulder. It was Malyk. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pulled the guard closer.
“Hey!” The guard protested. “Get your hands off me. I’m a—” He stopped as soon as he saw whatever Malyk was showing him. Ami glanced up. The guard narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice. “What are you doing here?! I can report you, you know.”
Malyk nodded and murmured, “But I can tell them about you.”
The guard went quiet. He regained his composure and adjusted his supply belt. He cleared his throat. “You’re clear to go.”
The group continued in silence, buying the last few things they needed. Destry was the only one who dared to ask, “What was that back there?”
Malyk grunted. “You don’t need to know.”
Skyler looked up at Ami with concern. Ami reassured her with a smile. Whatever Malyk did back there had gotten them out of trouble… why complain?
When they arrived back at Geoffrey, the rest of the group wasn’t back yet. Ev came up to Ami. Once Malyk was out of earshot, he said, “What did he do?”
“What do you mean?”
“What did my dad do? You all seem silent.”
Ami looked straight ahead. “He saved our lives.”
“What do you mean?”
Ami went on to explain what Malyk had done. Ev bit his lip, deep in thought. “You know,” Ami said. “I really think you should really try to reconcile with him.”
Ev shook his head. “I… I don’t know.”
Ami smiled. “I’m praying for you, Ev.” She rubbed his shoulder.
He looked up at her. It was more than a look of gratitude in his eyes. It was almost curiosity. “Really?”
She nodded. “For sure. God loves you, Everton.”
Ev shrugged it off. He chuckled awkwardly. “Like He could love me.”
“But He does. He really does.”
Ev’s faux smile fell. He sighed, not saying anymore.
“And I do too,” Ami said. She looked around as her parents, Harlin, and Fynn returned. “Come on,” she said, standing up. “They look like they have something to tell us. And it doesn’t look very good.”
They walked over to the rest of the group who had worried faces as well. Ami rubbed her hands together. She could only hope the news they had to share wouldn’t be any worse than what they had already gone through.
Chapter 22
Everton followed Ami over to the returning part of their group. They didn’t look too happy about their endeavors. Harlin looked more frustrated than anything. She immediately walked over to Malyk and stood by his side.
Ami spoke first. “What happened? Were you able to get any dreks at all?”
Ruben sighed. “Some…”
“So I don’t understand why you guys look so…” Ami sucked in a breath, searching for the right word. “Distraught.”
Adalynn smiled, trying to reassure her daughter. Ruben continued, “Ami… I don’t think we can go any further on this journey. It’s depleted our resources. It’s ruined our standard in society.”
Ami looked down at her shoes. Ev wished he could say something to help, but he knew better than to try to fix situations… he only made things worse.
Adalynn placed a hand on Ami’s shoulder. “It’s okay. These people…” She took a deep breath. “These people don’t like us. Things are only going to get harder from here. Honey… it’s a lost cause. We’ll go find a place to settle down and—”
“No,” Ami said softly, looking up. She met her mother’s gaze. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, it’s just…” she sighed. “These people need hope. They go about their day acting like everything is okay, but it’s not. They are under a terrible government and I feel like we’re the only ones who realize it.”
Ruben and Adalynn exchanged concerned glances. Ami continued, “We can’t stop now. I think Len, Bayron Len, is right. There is a cure and we need to find it. I’m not sure what we’re finding the cure for, but we have to keep searching. It’s out there and it will change the future of Aletheia and the futures of all Aletheians. What we are doing… sure it’s different and sure it’s new. But we have to keep going. These people need a light in their darkness. We are that light. That glorious light.”
Ev smiled. He was proud. Ami had spoken up and spoken from her heart. As his grin grew wider, a small chuckle escaped from his lips. Ami was amazing. She cocked her head at him. “What?”
“Ami… I think you inspired us all.” He motioned to the whole group, who had been listening intently. Even Artemis had been staring at her the whole time. Amidala blushed.
Ruben grinned. “You’re right, Ami. But you know that things will get worse. We can stop now…”
Ami caught his eye. “Please don’t make me repeat that whole speech.”
Ruben laughed his hearty laugh. “Something makes me think that we’ll need to hear that more than once. So keep it in mind.” He winked at her.
Adalynn gave Ami a side hug. “I’m proud of you, Ami. I was wrong and you corrected me with respect. I love you, girl.”
Ami smiled and hugged her mother back. Ev smiled softly at the two of them, but his smile slowly dissipated. Those words… I’m proud of you. Oh how he longed to hear them spoken to him from his father’s lips. Just once would be enough.
Ev ignored the lump in his throat. He forced down the sudden urge to cry and helped the group pack things back into Geoffrey. Those words still echoed in his head, but he shook them away. Why wish for the impossible?
After they loaded themselves and all the rest of their things into the bus, they started down the barely visible footpath. They bounced up and down in their seats, groaning often when they passed over a big bump. Why did this bus have to have no seatbelts?
“Ugh…” Ev complained. “There’s a reason why—agh—these are called footpaths. They were not—oof—made for buses.”
Beside him, Ami giggled. Finally, the bus passed the especially bumpy part and they were riding more smoothly now. Ev sighed, leaning his head back on the seat. “Man, I’m tired,” he said, yawning. The feeling of something having happened last night returned. “It was probably because I left the bus in the middle of the night.”
Ami knotted her brow. “Are you sure that—”
“Yes, I was,” Ev replied, turning to face her. Ami sighed. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
“I’m sorry, Ev, it’s just—”
He pressed his lips together. “No, no. It’s fine. I get it. I have no proof. No actual memory. It was probably just a dream.”
Ami placed a hand on his arm. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
He smiled at her. “It’s fine. Don’t worry.”
She frowned. “You always say that.”
“Have I ever steered you wrong?”
Her lips twitched with the hint of a smile. She raised an eyebrow and turned the other way. Ev dropped to his knees on the floor of the bus. He folded his hands together and pleadingly looked up at Ami.
“Oh, fair Lady Amidala. Do not cease to speak to me, for if I never hear thy melodic voice again, my heart… er… my soul…” Ev slowly came to a halt in his speech. He had been quoting a part from a story they had both read a little while back, and now he had forgotten the rest.
Ami looked towards him again with a smirk on her face. “My soul shall never again know peace. Now please get up off the ground.”
Ev would not until he finished his plea with the fair lady. He resumed his pleading airs, “My soul shall never again know peace.” He placed a hand to his heart and bowed his head. Ev peeked above him, waiting for her response.
She tried to contain her amusement. “My dearest Prince Everton, get thee up. I shall not cease to speak to thee. Mine own heart could not bear it.” Ami closed her eyes dramatically. She held out a hand and looked into his eyes. “I have forgiven thee of thy offenses.”
Ev took her hand and gallantly stood up, resuming his spot beside her. Most of those in the van started clapping. Maybe he had been a bit too dramatic.
“Bravo, bravo!” Skyler said.
Ev waved a hand. “Oh, please, hold your applause.”
Ami blushed at the sudden attention. She leaned closer to him and whispered, “I’m blaming this on you.”
Ev just laughed. A few moments later, he looked over at Ami, wanting to say what was on his heart. “You really are amazing, you know?” He whispered. “We wouldn’t be here without you.”
Ami blushed. She nodded her thanks. “You’re pretty amazing yourself.”
“I try,” Ev admitted, sighing. Ami nudged him in the shoulder. He simply smiled. He didn’t care how hard this journey would be going forward. He would be by the side of his best friend. And in his opinion, that was the best place to be.
So, a quick note. When Ami was talking about how the “outsiders” acted, all other beforehand events never really showed how the “outsiders” acted/felt. I plan to add that in somewhere in my second draft. 🙂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@esther-c
Sure, you can tag me! (I just need to catch up a lot. XD) Congradulations on 21 chapters!"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19Ok… so I absolutely love Ev and Ami’s friendship!! And Ami and Destry’s relationship!! <3
I have to tell someone this cuz I’m excited for when I finally get to write it, but Destry saying “Always, Ami. Always.” I gonna pop up again!
And Ev and Ami quoting the book together is also going to come up again!
Those scenes… oh I can’t wait to write them!! They are going to be so sweet!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
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