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Thanks for the tips, everyone! I definitely have a lot of work to do with it. This is all the first draft so it’s pretty rough now. With school starting I’ll have less time to work on it, so I’m trying to write as much as possible.
It starts to pick up a bit here.
To make up for the strange start to the day, Conrad let Kydon pick a sword to polish. Conrad and Caleb had a whole collection of swords and bows from the Uprising and with each weapon, there was a plethora of stories to go with it. Kydon thought about pushing the question of the crates that morning, but he didn’t want to make Conrad upset. He was content to leave it in the dark as Conrad had asked.
Kydon chose a sword with a black leather hilt engraved with a blue tornado. Caleb handed him a matching scabbard and a polishing cloth. Kydon began polishing the leather first, running his fingers along the insignia. Whoever made this did not have hunting in mind.
“Any stories with this one?” Kydon asked.
Conrad shook his head. “The person it was made for no longer needed it.”
“Why?” Kydon looked intently at Conrad. “Did they die or something?”
Caleb chuckled. “Or something.”
Kydon shook his head and returned to polishing.
*** (I found out this is called a dinkus!!!)
It’s about time for lunch, Willow thought. I’ll go ahead and bring it over. Willow dreaded having any interaction with Conrad and Caleb, so the sooner she got it over with, the better. She grabbed Kydon’s lunch and headed across the field. The wind blew her waist-length auburn hair back from her face and Willow sighed. For so long she had guarded Kydon and herself, terrified of the thought of going back. She had done all she could, yet it wasn’t good enough. Deep down inside she had wished for the company of others, but she told herself not to trust them. Never trust them. Willow watched the grasses bend under her feet and smiled despite herself.
*** (I put these ones in for clarity’s sake, they are not there on my copy.)
“You have to look at the sky, Willow!” Carwyn said with a laugh. “It’s so beautiful today!”
Willow smiled and raised her head. “You always say that even when it’s raining. If I look at the sky I might trip.”
Carwyn pointed to an eagle soaring above them. “If you fall,” He grinned at Willow, “Just make sure you land on your back so you can see the beauty around you, inside of you.”
***
Willow realized she was daydreaming and turned her attention to the fast-approaching house. Maybe I’ll just drop it off on the porch, Willow thought as anxiety knotted in her stomach. They’ll find it eventually. Conrad, Caleb, and Kydon were nowhere to be seen, so Willow steeled herself to bring them inside.
***
Kydon focused on the sword, creating stories of its mysterious owner. He looked up and saw Willow staring at him, the sword, then her eyes resting on Conrad and Caleb with a mixture of grief, anger, and surprise.
The suspense! Lol, I haven’t had time for writing recently with school starting.
“What are you thinking?” Willow shouted. She snatched the sword from Kydon, sheathed it, and flung it back at a stunned Caleb.
“Willow, it has been a long time.” Caleb stood with tears in his eyes. A long time? Kydon thought. Willow had never met the twins!
“Eleven years, Caleb.” Willow seethed. Conrad stood with a look of hope and despair etched across his face. Kydon eyed the three with interest and shock. The tension in the room was palpable and he could tell that this was about something more than him handling weapons.
“He needs to know his parents’ names at least, Willow,” Caleb pointed to Kydon, “Look at him! He’s the spitting image of–”
“Don’t.” Willow said, “Don’t you dare. You least of all people.”
“And why can’t I know my parents’ names?” Kydon asked as he stood. Willow glared at him with fury in her eyes and he sat down again. Whatever was going on was between the adults.
“We’re leaving now, Kydon.” Willow extended her hand to her brother without taking her eyes off of the twins. He stood again and walked to her.
He turned to the twins, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Willow shook her head, “No, you won’t.”
“In two days?” Kydon cocked his head slightly and raised an eyebrow.
“No. Never again.” Willow started towards the door and Kydon followed her like a lost puppy, head down, and wondering why in Dilrow (see footnote) Willow had said those things. She had acted strange when Kydon had first come home from meeting the brothers, but he had never thought much of it. She had made it seem like she knew them, but how? Eleven years, she had said. Willow would have been ten and Kydon would have been three. The siblings walked on in silence, Willow in deep memory of her past, and her brother in deep confusion.
When they returned home, Willow began cooking dinner quietly and Kydon sat in silence, watching her with suspicion. He had never experienced such an outburst from his sister and needed answers. After dinner, He thought. Then I’ll get answers.
The siblings sat down to a dinner of cheesy potatoes, and oven roast. Kydon’s stomach rumbled and he spooned food onto his plate, still watching his sister. He stabbed three potatoes onto his fork and was about to eat them when Willow broke the heavy silence.
She breathed deeply in and out, “You do look just like him.”
“Who?” Kydon asked with his fork stopped in midair.
“Lucius Tarna, our father.” Willow’s voice cracked and she rubbed her eyes with one hand. “You always looked like him, but with mother’s eyes.”
Kydon raised his eyebrows. He had noticed that his eyes were different than most; one blue and one green. Willow had the same eyes.
“What was our mother’s name?”
“Savyn Tarna. She was beautiful, even when she got angry at me.”
Kydon chuckled, “Was that often?”
His sister smiled and nodded. “Yes.”
“So,” Kydon was risking everything by asking this question. “How do you know the twins?”
Willow took another deep breath and her face clouded. “Ask them tomorrow.”
“You mean I can—?”
“Yes, you may as well.”
Kydon was elated. He finished his dinner, got ready for the night, and plopped into bed. He thought of his parents as he drifted off to sleep.
Dilrow is the world’s name for this book. I’ll try to get a map drawn up.
OOOOhhhhhhHHH!!
One question. What made Willow change her mind so drastically?? She was so adamant about it before. Why is she suddenly ok with it??
Ok, I lied. Two questions. How old is Willow?
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Realizing that Kydon really does need to know things about his parents/past. A theme of Willow in this book is that she has bursts of temper and then drastically changes her mind later. < I do this… Conflicting emotions about past events are the main reason behind this. You’ll see more later of this type of thing with her.
Willow is almost 21. This is important later 😉
Ok!
So there’s a pretty big age gap between them?
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Indeed. I wasn’t going to put that much of an age gap between them originally, but the storyline works better this way for Willow to remember things about her parents but not Kydon.
ETA: Kydon is nearly 15, so only about 6 years old. I have siblings who are 10 years older than me, so it doesn’t really bother me.
Just read it… 😐
Oh. My. Goodness.
My heart literally almost stopped, lol.One question: Is their father one of the Tarnas you mentioned in the first post… that lived a bit of a while away?
INTP.
Mmmmm… Willow and Kydon are the only Tarnas mentioned in the first chapter. So, Savyn and Lucius Tarna are their parents, but that isn’t mentioned until this last chapter. I hope that makes sense!
This is great! I like how things are amping up. One small thing I think could be improved is to wait longer before Willow talks. The readers, along with Kydon feel tension from the previous scene, and in my opinion, it would be better to stretch that out instead of resolving it a few paragraphs later. Also, about Kydon and Willow both having non-matching eyes (I forget the technical name for that condition), it isn’t a common condition, so if you haven’t you may want to research how likely it would be for two children to inherit that trait from one parent.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
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📚 Appreciator of BooksHeterochromia is really rare especially to run in a family, but hey! it’s a fantasy world. I really love how the possibilities are endless because of the fact that science doesn’t really have to have a part in it although I do love genetics and science. I’ve met someone with blue and green eyes, but no one else in the family had that. But it is important for easily recognizing that they are Savyn’s children. This comes in later, too. I am debating whether or not to re-write the next chapter to how I had it before. There are a lot of plot holes to fix… ones that keep me up at night lol.
Okay. That works. If you wanted to, you could probably come up with a “scientific” explanation as well, like having the eye color be linked to some other genetic trait that runs in the family.
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