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Okay, keep in mind most of these are optional! I’ll make sure to note which ones are grammatically necessary, and you can assume anything else is just to give the reader’s eye a rest where it is the most logical.
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CHAPTER 1-LAXAN INVASION
!0,015 GA. The city of Laxan on the planet Laxor…
Billowing smoke filled the air. Lava spewed from the Laxan Twins, cascading down the sides of the volcanoes to the city streets below. Pieces of rocks soared into the air, landing on the crawling Nanians.
Ash was mixed with every shaking breath that Nahim took into his nostrils. The warmth of blood trickled down his neck. He stood alone, on a small hill overlooking his home. Behind him lay the vast grasslands, in front of him the Laxan Twins, and to the side, the blazing Laxorian forest, once so magnificent. Tears welled in his eyes, clouding his vision and falling down his dirty cheeks. A piece of his heart had been torn out of him. He wanted to cry, to weep, but he couldn’t. Not a sound came from his throat.
The Nayhelm had failed. Laxan was over-taken ruin. They had protected their home and the foreign refugees that they took underwing with their lives. And their lives were gone. All that Nahim saw among the rumble of his home that appeared alive, were the screaming refugees, fleeing the bug-like aliens.
The voices of mothers called after departed children, their sweet childish voices to never be heard, and their faces never to be seen again. Fathers, their own tears falling down their own faces, tried to comfort them to no avail. Children bent over or curled in balls beside parents that never would rise again, their screams full of agony.
Nahim watched the children with sympathy, for the bodies of his family lay among the rubble of what was the great Nayhelm city. His hands fisted, his jaw tightened, and his eyes blazed through water. His face stung and his eyes burned, his heart enveloped in agony, but he was a Nayhelm.
From his viewpoint, Nahim ran back into the rubble that made up the outskirts of the city, placing his body between the blast of a Nanian soldier and a small child.
[Break. He put himself there, and in a new paragraph we can explore what happens as a result.] The bolt of energy hit near the edge of his breastplate, sending him reeling backwards. He barely missed crushing the child.
If I’m gonna die today, I’m gonna die protecting this little one.
Nahim instinctively reached for the crystal sword that usually hung from his belt, but it was missing. He had lost it after his battle from earlier, in which he had gained the wound on his neck. Instead of drawing the blade, he moved his forearm into a defensive position while his other hand tapped the projected screen to try and activate his gauntlet’s shields.
[Break. The last paragraph was where Nahim prepared for the action, and in this one, the action happens.] The Nanian soldier readied to fire again, but Nahim was ready for him, red oval shields appeared. They absorbed the blaster bolt into their red projection. Running forward, using his left arm to block the onslaught of bolts, Nahim readied his right arm to deliver a powerful punch. His arm swung forward, hitting the delicate, bulging eye of the alien. It reeled back, and Nahim stabbed it in the head with the edge of his shield.
[Break, just for style. If you want to stress the death of his opponent, give it a new paragraph.] The Nanian fell, dead.
But as Nahim turned back to the little child, a bolt of energy came towards his face. He blocked it, but another one came, scraping the side of his head. Another hit his now unprotected breastplate, and yet another hit his leg. Nahim fell back, hitting his head on a rock.
[Break, as we shift into his failing mind.] As the pain pulsed through his head, and his vision blurred, one thought flashed in his mind before consciousness left him.
Is the child alright?
“Everything is a mountain”
Hey girl!!!!! How are you doing?
I really want to read all your writing! I started reading the Google Doc you posted, but I can’t read it all tonight, haha!
Honestly, whenever you talk about your charries and worlds and planets I just get so lost…because there are SO MANY OF THEM! So I really want to read the actual writing so I won’t be lost anymore XD
Also, I LOVE YOUR WRITING! I love your style, and you are definitely going to become a famous author someday!!!! <333 You have so much potential! I am so proud of you *hugs* and don’t you DARE ever give up writing!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
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