WalkByFaith

@ellette-giselle

Oh nooo girly I’m sorry!!!! If you need to talk I’m here!!!

@whalekeeper

This sounds like a lot of fun! I’m sure you would do great. I’m game if everyone else is!

@liberty

Here it is!!!

Wind spiraled frozen fractals and reddened Lainey’s cold-kissed nose.

Every breath crystalized in frozen puffs, and she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering.

The sun sunk beneath the houses across the street, bathing the neighborhood in amber light, and Lainey hugged her knees to her chest as she watched the s…

[Read more]

@theshadow

It looks so much better! I love that we got to see their family now. I feel like I know the characters so much better already.

@elishavet-pidyon

I love that soo much!! That was always so sad to me. I didn’t know C. S. Lewis told everyone what happened to her afterward!

You should totally write it!!

@theshadow

I would love to see it!

@theducktator

Lol. Everything looks better with an ellipse.

I’ll watch that. 

@linus-smallprint

Awesome! I approved it.

@liberty

I’m going to be able to submit something!!!!!!!

Also, one thing I just thought of; we don’t really care about the characters’ families since we haven’t met them yet. Maybe it would be a good idea to lengthen the first chapter by showing Jack and Elina getting home and seeing their parents and siblings.

@theshadow

This chapter does a good job building up the suspense! The only thing I would say is yeah, Ellette has a point. These girls seem to be so mean for no real reason that I can guess at yet. It makes them feel flatter, rather than like actual people who have motives and stuff for their actions. Their ultimate goal, especially in a…[Read more]

@jonas

Wow. I love this idea. This sounds super interesting. Is it connected to your current series?

@ellette-giselle

Aw, that’s okay! If you know of a different way to get it through, I’m open to trying other things, but I understand if it’s too difficult for you to do right now.

Some things I’d really like to hear from y’all are scene ideas. I’m planning to go back and extend a lot of the earlier chapters (at least 1-6) because I didn’t have the same word count goal for them as I do now. So if you have any ideas for scenes that would fit into those (or future scenes) I would love to hear them. So far I have a chapter…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle (I know you’re away, so don’t feel obligated to respond to this until you get back) @theshadow @whalekeeper @koshka @raxforge

Sorry these are late, it slipped my mind until last night. Without further ado, here are chapters seven and eight (also known as the underground church cha…[Read more]

@jonas

My favorite is Chromancy, but I also like Chromamancy, Prismathurgy, and Spectrathurgy. For some reason the sole “t” and “l” sounds bother me when placed in front of “urgy”.

@theshadow

Sorry it took me a day to get back to you. Even though you said you didn’t like this first chapter much, I think it has potential. It introduces the characters and their world pretty well. It is a very short chapter. Is that normal throughout the book, or is this the exception? It’s fine to have shorter chapters, but I think it might…[Read more]

@esther-c Gotcha! A P.S. would be fun, but it might lessen the impact of the ending, so it depends on what you do. As it is right now, it doesn’t scream “actual letter” to me. It’s kind of like a thank-you-note (not exactly, but I don’t know how else to explain it.) or just a note. With a word count as short as yours, that’s fine, but maybe it’d…[Read more]

@the_lost-journal

Wow, that was creepy. I guess I don’t like horror. But it was pretty well-written, I think. It was cool how you tied the ending into the beginning.

If you want feedback faster in the future, I would tag people, otherwise your post gets buried underneath all the other topics and we have to go scrolling for it. Although, if you e…[Read more]

@theducktator

Lolol! I would ask @jonas since he’s the leader of the Adventure one. I don’t know who’s in charge of the others… I’m sure @whalekeeper would know.