Miriam K.

@esther-c

Ohhhh my wordddd

Ok that actually makes so much sense. I felt like the story was moving too fast and wasn’t exactly sure how to slow it down.

Thanks for pointing that out!! <33

Glad I was able to help!!!!!

I do love your dialogue though…you’re so talented in that area!!! Just maybe breaking it up would help A LOT. Because too much o…[Read more]

@stephie

I feel like it totally depends on the situation.

Though, at least for me, something doesn’t feel right about saying “your religion is wrong and false.” Because that tends to get people defensive and push them away from Jesus. I feel way more comfortable with saying “I believe that there is only one God….(etc…)” and just sharing what…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ohhhh my wordddd

Ok that actually makes so much sense. I felt like the story was moving too fast and wasn’t exactly sure how to slow it down.

Thanks for pointing that out!! <33

@grcr

Mmm. If that’s how other books do it, I guess it could work. I looked it up and some people say to extend the vowels and smooth con…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Mmmm…that does make sense, I’m just not sure how to do that.

Instead of “hope”, my characters are trying to fix their problems themselves. Which might be a “false hope”, but I don’t really see it as hope. I understand what you mean, I’m just not exactly sure how to do that.

Ok! Yeah, again, do what you wanna do. But if you…[Read more]

@hybridlore

I’m in Sunrise Peak as well!

Yeah, i guess so 🤷🏻‍♀️

@keilah-h @hybridlore

Thanks ladies!!

I’m kinda nervous to submit it, but idk why 🫣😂

@esther-c

Sorry I’m just now getting to this!!!!

My main critique would be that you spend a lot of time on dialogue. I kind of feel like we just got thrown into the story and all we know about the characters is because of what they say. Maybe breaking up some dialogue and really showing us who they characters are would help…it kind of feels l…[Read more]

@liberty @keilah-h @theducktator @hybridlore

Ok! So I’m not posting this as soon as I wanted, lol, but this is the almost final draft and I’d like your thoughts again if y’all are willing.

I didn’t change any of the tenses or add words because I wanted it to sound very “in the moment” if that makes sense. I did add a couple of things that hopefu…[Read more]

@the_lost-journal

tbh, I am also confused about the teachings  XD And I do wonder why. But also I get this feeling of fullness after going to confession. So whatever it is, I think I am going to stick to it! Also  thanks for the prayers. I won’t be able to get back to anyone for a while btw. I AM GOING SKIING! ^o^

I agree, it does help to tell oth…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

okay hahahaha sounds good lol

@whalekeeper

no I haven’t!!!

Doesn’t everyone have at least a fragment of virtue though? (Sorry, I don’t mean to shut down everything you’re saying, this is just my thoughts. 😅) I’m not saying they have to be someone that the readers will look up to and be like, “Oh my word I want to be just like them.” I understand mankind is sinful and there probably are people out there t…

[Read more]

@esther-c

Now, you mentioned your characters not knowing God. And I liked how you put that—“without God there is no hope.” But…you have to think that these characters are probably looking for hope, right? Even just an occasional thought of wishing there was a way out of this darkness they’re living in.

So I know with where they’re at right now,…

[Read more]

@grcr

LOL I love these parts. 💛💛

Aww, thanks! 🥰 Me too 🤪

Would you want to write this differently… ? before I saw the “she drew out her name” part, my mind read it that she spelled it out. (Maybe I’m just crazy…?)

I don’t knowww 😭 I’ve seen it written like that in books before, but I feel like if I changed it to italics it would carry a differe…[Read more]

Bro, I was literally like smashing the submit button and it took forever for that response to post 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

@savannah_grace2009

My story is not a lighthearted, hopeful story, at least in the beginning. Right now it’s supposed to be “depressing” and dark. Honestly, to add sprinkles of hope in wouldn’t work for what’s going to happen in the next few chapters. Because right now, none of my characters know God, and so without God there is no hope. I want to…

[Read more]

@esther-c

I also hope I didn’t come across as rude or brushing you off…I really do appreciate your thoughts because that means I need to work on foreshadowing! And explaining my book to others helps me flesh out my thoughts a little more! Thank you so much! <3

@esther-c

Ok, so the biggest thing I noticed was the lack of hope throughout the story. The characters seemed to think about death a lot and were put through a lot of physical pain. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it needs to be balanced out with hope. When I got to read those Lilitu/Sef memories from when they were little, that w…

[Read more]

@theducktator

*gasp* It’s a date!

Yes!! 🤭 In my first draft I actually never wrote a scene of their first study sesh together…do you think I should add that in for the second draft??

When what, Tyler? 👀 I want to know…

I would like to know as well… 🤣

Definitely left that open for the imagination or a future short story &#x1f44…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ok, so I told you I’d finish reading your book by the end of February, and I did! But I only started like two days ago. 🤣 Here are my thoughts! (Excuse any typos, I was doing this in the car, lol!)

Ok, so the biggest thing I noticed was the lack of hope throughout the story. The characters seemed to think about death a lot…[Read more]