Brianne

@acancello

Aww, thanks girl!

@savannah_grace2009

Shes worried about Hugo!💗 😍 🥹 This was such a good scene you wrote!!

@savannah_grace2009

I like that a lot better! It’s really up to you, though. Rae had some good feedback!

@savannah_grace2009 @esther-c @whoever (I never know who to tag.)

NAHIM

Everyone before had seemed to see him as some scary monster with that sword in his hand, and when he had tried to cut down the door it had gotten worse.

Now he had let his sword dangle limp from its usual place on his belt. He had set his helmet beside himself on the floor,…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I must be as blind as a bat!

Okay, I just read your revision of that last part and…I am never allowing you to change it. I have not had the same expierances as Sef, but I see myself in her. Sara, you’ve got this.

@savannah_grace2009

I get what you mean by clunky, I often feel like I have the same problem. Thses are the parts I think are the most in need of a little bit…

The air was pleasantly cold, nipping the tip of Sef’s nose as she walked in step with Lilitu. The sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet as they walked gave her a pleasant t…

[Read more]

@trailblazer @hybridlore

Is this better?

“Last night, I had a dream…” Lilitu began. They stopped walking in a clearing. “I saw this girl…” he shook his head. “She was crying. She looked so sad, and hopeless…And it was so vivid. I could feel her pain, her suffering, and there was nothing I could do.” His voice was strained. Is he crying? Sef wonde…

[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

BWAHAHA we know your name, now we can hack you! hehe

@freedomwriter76

Excuse me while I go cry in a corner…

ILOVE IT YET HATE IT AT THE SAME TIME *CRIES*

@trailblazer

Ofc! I love stories with that kind of friendship…makes me miss my best friend, lol.

@esther-c @acancello @trailblazer @grcr @rae @mineralizedwritings

Ottoline

“Ottoline! Where are you?” Hugo’s voice echoed down the stairwell. His voice contained some sort of urgency. “Ottoline!” She heard his footsteps coming down the stairs. “There you are,” he sighed when he saw her and smiled his crooked smile that never failed to make…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

Thank you for explaining 😅 I’m not a science person, so I don’t have a good grasp on all that stuff. Thanks.

That’s alright, lol! This is very helpful actually, because I need to know how much my readers know, so I can explain things properly, and not annoy them with too much explanation at the same time.

I don’t find her t…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Aw, thanks! I love their friendship, too. I want to set up some more scenarios with the two of them.

@trailblazer

“I don’t want to lose you.” I was surprised to see tears welling in Etta’s eyes.

Aww, I love their friendship! This almost made me cry XD

I agree with Hybridlore, I don’t think the summary-type writing is a bad thing. It fits great with this story!

@esther-c @trailblazer

Yeah, it does end abruptly. I really don’t like this chapter, lol. I guess….more EDITING! SO MUCH FUN!!!! (not.)

@hybridlore

Maybe something like that? I mean, Lilitu already described what happened, sort of, and I feel like it gets a little graphic in the actual flashback part. But it’s really up to you, if you feel l…

[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yayy! Looks good! I don’t mind the summary kind of telling, I think it works well for this story.

@savannah_grace2009 @hybridlore

It’s been a bit since I posted more of my story, so here’s the next little bit. It’s a little fragmented and summary-ish in spots, but it’s what I’ve got lol.

As the fall months passed, Bert Hawley began courting Clara. Clara’s mood brightened considerably, and she willingly did household chores and helped in t…[Read more]

@loopylin

Sorry about the paragraphs, I have gone through and shortened them after people mentioned it. it should be easier to follow now.

Um…really whatever strikes you as needs changing. I often get comments from my friends like “It’s good.” “I really like it.” et cetera et cetera. Honestly, I get tired of hearing that, so if you got some…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

The only thing I thought of was how quickly it seemed to drop off at the end. Were you planning to continue their conversation after the flashback in that same chapter, or in a different chapter? To me, it sort of felt like their conversation should continue after the flashback. Ending with the flashback felt very abrupt, and…[Read more]

@esther-c

That’s okay! Thank you!