SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨

@rainmaker

congratulations on your black belt.

I’m not quite there yet, but thanks!

At least for my sci fi world, my technology isn’t too complicated but for my fantasy one, I’m thinking about including a soft magic system. I’m not sure how I’m going to approach it yet but I think it would be fun to come up with.

Cool! I’m very much of a hard ma…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks, I never knew how hard writing can be! It’s a rollercoaster…sometimes you get depressed because you can’t figure out one sentence and then you get excited because you wrote something “good”. Writing is hard….but it’s a good challenge!

That’s very true! It’s a skill that takes a lot of time to develop, taking in a l…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Well, Sef wasn’t at her house when Neveah and Hanna were kidnapped. They were leaving the slums, and were walking down the path. It was a whole “group” thing, if that makes sense.

Oh. I guess I missed that. I really need to read more carefully lol!

@savannah_grace2009

I love that explanation, lol.

Okay, I’ll work on it! This critique has been so helpful! And no, it doesn’t feel too harsh. Thank you for being honest about what I need to fix. Also, I know I need to make this clearer (I don’t explain it in the story at all, just my thought process when I wrote this) but Sef and Lilitu had p…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009
Oh okay. It probably was mentioned, but it’s been a while since I read that part. Why was he at Sef’s house? Did he know that Neveah and Hanna were being kidnapped?

@savannah_grace2009

Don’t worry-I replaced it with a brand new chapter with Ottoline’s POV instead, which is posted somewhere in this thread (you don’t have to read it, but it’s here somewhere if you want to).

I think I did see that actually, I just didn’t know where it fit in.

The revised Sef chapter definitely helps bridge the gap. One questio…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Okay, now I understand the plot so far. I agree with @thearcaneaxiom that this chapter feels like a jump. One thing to consider might be to actually not show what happens to Neveah until later in the story, instead of following her. That way you could linearly follow Sef and Lillitu up through this chapter. Cutting to Neveah…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Ok, I finished it, and it did mention that they were older, so it’s clear that a lot has changed, but this is still a similar issue with the one I posed earlier. We might be starting to follow the same characters now, but your darting around there own stories too much. The last we saw of Lilitu was the boy limping home, then…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Haha! Really? I have friends who used to do that, I think it lasted for a couple of years, 😀 My brother is 13, and is the typical 13 year old (gross jokes and humor, things like that XD ) When he was 7 I think he was just obsessed with Legos, but I dont quite remember 🙂

@savannah_grace2009

Girl I legit started laughing!!!

Haha! I’m glad! Hugo is so funny, (I based him off my brother so I have plenty of ideas, lol!)

@esther-c @acancello @savannah_grace2009 @trailblazer @mineralizedwritings

Hey guys…

I’m going to be entirely inactive at 9:30 pm, and I won’t be back on until October 4th…. Lane can just tag along in whatever happens during this role-play or you guys can just pretend he isn’t there until I come back (I don’t really mind whatever)…. So y…[Read more]

@trailblazer @acancello @freedomwriter76 @savannah_grace2009 @grcr @mineralizedwritings

Amir

Amir quickly hopped up out of the pile of shoes, bouncing on one foot for a moment as he regained his balance. He pasted on a goofy grin. “I’m fine,” he said with a chortle.

Thankfully, nobody really cared or payed attention to him for very long. But i…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I like the new character you introduced in chapter 4. I don’t think you shared a chapter 7 yet, but I started chapter 6, but it seemed like there was some kind of gap, where the characters are somewhere different without explanation. Is that intentional?

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks! I was inspired to try making magic systems after reading some of Brandon Sanderson’s books. He has a lot of really cool ones, and I decided to try making some myself. This is my best magic system, and I would say none of my others are nearly this good. It isn’t an easy process for me. My process usually starts with a s…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium @thearcaneaxiom @savannah_grace2009 @grcr @hybridlore
I have created a new character, the villain:

Vilsayor
Vilsayor is a high-ranking nobleman and the leader of a conspiracy to unleash an ancient being from the core of the planet, using Resonance Crystals. He embezzles Resonance Crystals for his followers to use. He has…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Hey, Sara! How are things going? <3

@esther-c @acancello @freedomwriter76 @savannah_grace2009 @grcr @mineralizedwritings

Kari

“Are you okay, Amir?” Kari asked, looking at the shattered armor and the boy sprawled in the midst of it. She wanted to laugh, but poor Amir looked so embarrassed that she bit her tongue.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered, picking himself up. “I hope that…[Read more]

@esther-c @savannah_grace2009 @freedomwriter76 @grcr @trailblazer @mineralizedwritings @I hopeIgoteveyone

Hugo

Ottolines story was horrible, making Hugos seem simple in comparison. She had been through so much, for so long.

“You didn’t deserve that. No one would.” He said, a bit choked up.

Ottoline looked at the floor. He lost control and g…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009 @grcr @acancello @mineralizedwritings @freedomwriter76 @trailblazer

Woah, a lot has happened. lol XD

Amir

Amir watched, his heart crumbling into pieces as he saw Ottoline cry. He wished he could do something, but at the moment, Hugo seemed to be comforting her instead.

But everything was interrupted by a shake of the house.…[Read more]