Ruth

@linus-smallprint

Overarching Theme. […] What are your thoughts?

This looks good. I’ll note, I feel a bit of a blur between books. (You’re still in the outlining phase so that’s fine.) It’s great that you have his story divided into three areas of growth, but because they’re very similar when it comes to the actions Alan has to take, you need…[Read more]

@loopylin

Yep, it’s good. :]

@rae Hehehe Alpha has more knives than social skills

Dante

“Oi…” Dante growled. He straightened his posture and crossed his arms. “I might be smaller than you, but I’m tougher than I look. Survived this long. And I don’t have some stupid needle phobia.”

@ellette-giselle

Leo

Level 0. This place had a funny floor plan. He punched the button and leaned back against the wall as the elevator began its decent.

Rory was giving him a weird, confused look. What had he said? Done? Leo lifted an eyebrow. “Yes? What is it?”

@esther-c

Within the next hour, everyone rushed around the house, trying to get ready for church and still be able to leave on time. This included a couple pairs of shoes being thrown down the stairs, someone looking for their shoes, people telling whoever was getting ready in the bathroom to hurry up, and a sister frantically searching her…

[Read more]

@hybridlore

Okay, I see what you mean. Are you thinking like, within their friend groups? Most of the story so far takes place either at school, the church meetings, or their house. Later, though, there will probably be a lot of scenes at their respective job assignments, so you’ll get to see more of the culture then. Do you have any ideas for s…

[Read more]

@koshka

Rory

“Bolts and screws, bolts and screws.” Rory muttered slowly. For the amount of things they taught in Academy, there was very little about normal life. Mostly about killing and the most effective ways to do it. Rory racked his brain. The two words were familiar, but he couldn’t remember having encountered the things they repre…[Read more]

@rae

🫢

I can not believe he just said that to Dante

@rae

I would say it was fulfilled rather than changed. The Bible says not a dot not an iota will go away and nothing will change. (Murdering the wording, but that’s the raw meaning)

Otherwise yeah! Looking forward to the next part.

@loopylin

Oops. Poor Eddie. At least this kid does actually like to dance.

@whalekeeper

Yay!

(I’m assuming that’s good news, right? No surgery is usually good I think)

@hybridlore @esther-c @theducktator

Thanks y’all!!

@whalekeeper @loopylin

Praying 🙏

@rae sorry it’s short

Dante

“So you’re an assassin.”

@koshka @raxforge

Eddie

Ed blinked a couple times, surprised that her question could be misinterpreted twice in the exact same way by two different people. Were all the boys in the school this clueless?

She opened her mouth to respond, closed it, then looked helplessly at the other two boys.

@theducktator Yay! Im glad you’re feeling better. A lot of my friends and family have been sick lately as well. I’ve been pretty lucky that I haven’t gotten anything yet. Tis the season, I guess.

Liko

“Cookies?” Liko raised his eyebrows. “Who doesn’t?”

He paused, trying to remember what he was forgetting. His thoughts had drifted off to…[Read more]

@loopylin @raxforge

Sprite kid don’t get it. XD

Sypher

He followed the lasses in, settling into the seat be across from them.

“Eddie. Ellie. Ah.” He blinked at her in concentration. Grinned. “I am named Sypher, but everyone who doesn’t call me that, calls me Syph. As for dancing, or rather…I don’t believe I understand. What days are open”

@whalekeeper

👍

Reading my older RPs kind of pains me. My sister came to my desk and found me clutching my head. XD

Whaat?? I’ve been having so much fun rereading your old stuff. It makes me so cheerful. 🩵 I was keeping myself motivated earlier by looking forward to when Marcel was introduced.

I may be in the same boat as you though when I get to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Leo

He grinned. “First off you’re going to sit on that couch in the basement break room and sort a bucket of bolts and screws that I accidentally dumped together last week. Or maybe that was two weeks ago.” He paused to blink up at the ceiling for a moment, then refocused on Rory. “Anyway, you’ll do that while I check the work…[Read more]

@rae

this was another good section. I feel like you’re really sinking into a good style and voice with this. I had a slight problem with one sentence though.

When Immanuel came, the laws God previously had placed changed.

I don’t see that in the Bible. If anything, the laws were reinforced more strongly. (You have heard it said do not commit adu…[Read more]

Thankfully it’s not canon for obvious reasons.