Linus Smallprint

@linus-smallprint Perfect! The sassy editor’s note makes it even better lol

@linus-smallprint One little detail. I feel like the name of Martha’s friend is a little confusing. You said her name was Ness Preditore, but I feel like you have a Ness and a Preditore (I don’t remember if it was a first or last name) already, and while I know you intend it so lyens have all the same names just with different spellings, this…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

I don’t find it preachy. And that scene was soooo relatable. I feel your pain Martha. 🥺

@linus-smallprint

Yes, I am.

Aren’t you too?

@linus-smallprint @highscribeofaetherium @ellette-giselle @grcr @rae @loopylin @keilah-h @theshadow @mineralizedwritings @whomever-I-forgot

⬆️⬆️⬆️

@linus-smallprint

yes, this fixes everything.

am I the oldest?
guess!

😂

@linus-smallprint

Next time don’t tell me there is supposed to be a big plot twist in a chapter so I don’t be stoopid and search for more fish.

I only said it because I’ve been reading WAY too much Alcatraz, thanks to you.

BTW, I can’t get over the way you spelled “Stupid”.

@linus-smallprint

Ohhh, that hurts!! Ohhh, poor Martha! You can feel her pain! This is one of THE BEST chapters you have ever written, which is kinda funny since you wrote about a girl in this one. You could just really feel her and really relate to her thoughts. Man, it was just so good. Like, super, super good. Cracking job old boy! (lol)

As…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint I’m getting caught up!

Eric, I feel ya about how you’d rather be drawing than be sporty. LOL.

You should give a glossary of Rorian words at the end or something! It might help the jokes stick better. The explanations actually make it funnier than the jokes would be alone, but I still feel like something’s missing. I like it…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Okay! I will try to have a description by tonight.

@linus-smallprint

In some stories, such as the Chronicles of Narnia, it took me a while to figure out that Aslan represented Jesus. In others, Christian allegories and ideas were far harder to spot, such is in The Lord of the Rings, where I didn’t find much until I read the Silmarillion (a sort of prequel). Within your series, I found it very…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Yeah I probably should have specified more. I’m super into fashion so most of my characters dress semi formal and I forget other people don’t do that lol.

@linus-smallprint

*goes in corner and sulks*

comes back out again.

But that’s the WRONG bombshell!!! I meant about Aaron being able to get out and him leaving them all!! Not the wall. The wall affects the fact that no one is coming to rescue them now. If there was anyone coming.
should I still have them trying to escape?

btw, do you think A…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Thank you!! 😊😊

@ellette-giselle

Thank you, and thanks for helping with the historical accuracy (I will definitely need help with that lol)

@linus-smallprint

Okay, agreed, the beginning is not great imo, I will definitely change it, and the formatting. Thanks!

@keilah-h

Okay, that way looks a lot better, and I see what you mean, it is kind of confusing. Thank you!

@keilah-h @linus-smallprint

Okay, next section!!!

Get ready for it…………

With trust in their heavenly Father, Aaron and his companions waited for the dreaded pounding on the door. But by God’s grace, it never came. After a full week of no more nightly orders, the people who remained in the capital felt safe once again.

Then came the w…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle @linus-smallprint @keilah-h @grcr

Thank you guys! It was a lot of fun getting to see all the submissions! 🥰

Don’t worry about it @rae !

Ok! Here’s my comments on each one. I’ll post my drawing below.

Linus-smallprint

You got his facial features pretty well, and I really like how the hat has a bit of droop to it lol. It looks…[Read more]

@theshadow so….we have traded places…..

now you’re telling me to read your story that you’re afraid is a dumpster fire! (Don’t worry, I think yours is great.)

I would go with what @linus-smallprint says about the new paragraphs whenever a character is talking. Look at my fanfic–the google doc separates the paragraphs out a lot, so I’ll…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

im so glad you’re still interested and willing to help me! Once I’m finished with it on here I’ll be passing it on to my editor. So this is SUPER helpful.

hmmm, I think I did foreshadow but maybe not clearly enough. Thats easy to fix.

Aaron has grown!! I’m glad you’re picking up on it! I was worried it was too subtle, b…[Read more]

@keilah-h @linus-smallprint

Okay, I have decided to continue to keep trying with this.

Hope y’all are still interested. lol.

I still plan to have a scene where Aaron talks to Sabina about courtship, but I haven’t been able to work it out yet, so for now we’re just going on.

Another month was drawing to a close, and still no change had been…

[Read more]