Linus Smallprint

@linus-smallprint

Hmm, wow, must have really sobered you. No comment on the amount of exclamation marks. lol. After I posted it, I looked back and was like, “wow, there’s a lot.” lol.

And no comment on the fact that I offed Joseph’ best friends.

Ah. So there was a positive event in there. This is what you were referring too.

Yes, and I have a…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Maybe. This is a question I will ask at the end, but so far, what would the top scenes that you would like to see illustrations for be?

Ooo, I haven’t thought of this really.

Okay. well, the Stripe one of course. That would be super funny/cute, especially with his ears flat. lol.

Maybe one of Martha and Alan talking. I would…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

As for the actual plot of everything, I really like what you did with the crow there. Ties in nicely. I’m curious as to what the king’s doing. Is he trying to help Alan? It may be that because he was interested in Alan’s success, he ordered the arrests of the Faithful in order to get rid of one of the wizard’s obstacles. But…[Read more]

@hybridlore   @linus-smallprint    @koshka   @keilah-h    @elishavet-pidyon   @grcr

NEXT SECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joseph sat at the table and stared at his plate. Noah and Darrien had already eaten and were pulling on their boots. They knew the hard day of work they had ahead, and they had been able to eat

Sabina put her arm over Joseph’s sh…

[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Yippy! Stripe was HUGGED!!!!

AWWWWW! it was soooooo cute!!!!!! Now you have to draw a picture of it!!!

Aside from Stripe being hugged, I really enjoyed the chapter.I’m glad you brought the crow back in. I was wondering how long it would be before you tied that part of the plot back into the story.

Also, one…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

YEEEESSSS!!!!!

STRIPE HAS BEEN HUGGED!!!!

*does a happy dance*

@ellette-giselle

Ok, I will say that I enjoyed how it was carried off in this section. I agree with what @linus-smallprint said about that. It reminded me of The Healer by Dee Henderson. (A book about facing the grief of a broken world.) Very good.

What I say is redundant is the fact that it feels like more characters are dying than those who…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

thanks so much for this feedback.

im not going to say anything so as not to shed light on which path i take, but i will say that it was extremely helpful knowing your thoughts.

thanks again!

@linus-smallprint

Why was I expecting this to be something positive?

You should know me better than that.

It kind of made the event feel like a slap. (Ouch. I’m feeling Josephs pain.)

Perfect! That’s exactly what I wanted.

It also feels more tragic because of how casually Eric and Asher headed out. It was just a normal day.

Ah yes. Poor b…[Read more]

@hybridlore   @linus-smallprint    @koshka   @keilah-h    @elishavet-pidyon   @grcr

NEXT SECTION

Sorry it’s so short.

Joseph woke. For a long moment he lay, trying to figure out what was happening and where he was. He had been so exhausted he didn’t even remember lying down. There was an odd sound, a sound he knew he had heard many times be…

[Read more]

@hybridlore   @linus-smallprint    @koshka   @keilah-h    @elishavet-pidyon   @grcr

WARNING:

There has been a change in the rapid time jump. It is now a bigger time jump, and Joseph is 19. Sorry about the whiplash any of y’all are experiencing after that. lol.

NEXT SECTION!!

“Joseph, do you think the gates will ever open?”

Asher…

[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

I’ll try to send something in as soon as I finish formatting my magazine and get it sent out. I’m almost done!!!!!!

@linus-smallprint

That’s a pretty good addition to the scene! I don’t think that deviated from your story’s voice at all.

You’ll see. Then you will understand why other readers are mad at him. It wasn’t pretty.

Hehe, okay.

@linus-smallprint

YESSS!!! That’s it!!!

There we go. that’s all you needed.

@linus-smallprint

even if it is his fault she was captured in the first place.

How did that happen exactly? Was it more of an ignorant blunder, or?

@linus-smallprint

Thank you. If you weren’t playing the advocate, would you take Ellette’s side?

I simply mean what I described. 👍 I’m not sure how it compares with the rest of your feedback discussions… I have very little context. XD

He he.

My mind reading powers are impeccable.

Thanks for the link by the way! I can’t guarantee I’ll read it…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

(I’m trying to decern if the verses are saying that the Elder must be a husband and father, or if they are saying that if he is married, he should be married to only one wife and if he is a father, he must manage his household well. I know Paul was not married and did not have children, but he was an apostle and missionary. I d…

[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Oh.

So I’m not the only one who does this.

Nice.

(Nope, you aren’t allowed to ask which ones they are!!)

lol. Just kidding

I don’t know anymore. I think you should leave it a little “darker”, and it’s good to have lose ends at the end of a story if you plan to go on. I just wasn’t feeling it at this point. I mean, like I…[Read more]

@theducktator  @linus-smallprint

I hope Eric gets captured though.

I felt the same way, except that I don’t know and like him enough to really care if he does.

@linus-smallprint

See, these are the same lines I’m thinking along. I think I’m going to just make him older. The only thing that would hurt would be giving Y’all whiplash after I said he was sixteen. lol.

As for the children and wife thing, I know that Timothy wasn’t married at the time, and he was an elder. (Timothy is kind of my Joseph…[Read more]