Linus Smallprint

@ellette-giselle

This was like a treasure!!!! Oh this is so, so good! I can already see some scenes where I can add all of this stuff in/strengthen it. 

I’m glad to hear you are finding it helpful!

Ardentan’s betraying the church……………. Someone’s quick on the draw………… tho I may have intended to save that one……….

It’s called being an author, as w…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

It feels trustworthy. Reminds me of Bark of the Bog Owl by Jonathan Rogers and The Oddmire by William Ritter.

I haven’t read either, but now you’ve got me curious

@ellette-giselle

All right, Ellette, here you go. Getting close to 3,000 words of feedback for you here. Please let me know if anything doesn’t make sense or if the link is not working for you. I haven’t proofread this too carefully, so there may be some questionable grammar mistakes.

Let there be Light Feedback

@ellette-giselle

Nope. I’ve already typed up 1,367 words for you. I’ve been slowly chipping away at this when I’ve had the chance.

@ellette-giselle

I’m getting there. I finished rereading your story and will hopefully have my answers for you very soon. In fact, I don’t have any pressing School assignments at the moment and have written a lot for my own story this week, so I will be working on that right away.

@ellette-giselle

I think murderer could work as long as he said Like murderer, or almost was a murderer. If you want him to say something that he is, he could think of himself as a monster or wild beast. Or, since he is trying to be the hero, an interesting flip would be to have him decide, “I’m not the hero, I’m the villain.” That would flow wi…

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@keilah-h

also, I’m not sure if you’re referring to Alan or Rour, but I think neither of them went too far. They both are wrong about something and think they’re right, and as such it’s messing with their minds.

I was referring to Alan attempting to kill Rour.

@ellette-giselle

WHAT! He didn’t go save Martha!!!!

Alan! Grrrrrr!

Alan’s beginning…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow

Who’s ready for the next scene?

Chapter the 22nd – The Murderer

I need to read Little House on the Prairie again.

The is one character in this chapter that I’m wondering if I’ve gone too far with him. Does it make sense why he does what he does in this chapter? (This…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I’m holding on to hope that Eric will realize how serious what he did was and come to a true repentance. Though it almost seems to me, (especially after he did that) that he wasn’t ever a true believer but the Saviour was more of almost a”lucky charm” to him. Something to bring him happiness and keep him safe.

Time will tell for this.

@ellette-giselle

Oh you’re dreadful!

That song is dreadful too. At least, the message of it is.

It’s been long enough since I’ve actually listened to it that I can’t remember the song is message.

By the way, since you shared your concerns on Eric denying The Saviour, I am curious to know what you think of the juxtaposition between his reaction t…[Read more]

@stephie

I completely agree, although I’d like to ask how old they both are. Because Alan seems to have a lot of backstory for somebody who could be about Martha’s age.

Martha is the older of the two, by about a year. She is supposed to be eighteen while Alan is still seventeen. I know, I know, if she was two years younger, then they could sin…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Wait, why?!! Why can’t they have kids?!

I mean, Alan just has a few feathers in his hair, (and on his arm). What does that have to do with having kids?

In the world of Ehverwyld, magic is an allegory for sin. Sometimes we suffer the consequences of sin for our whole life. Also, as I was teaching the kids in my Sunday School c…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

HEY! NOT FAIR! I was just about to send that!

What, really? I just sent your Narnia meme to my sister who loves Narnia, and she sent that back to me so I decided to post it here.

@ellette-giselle

Shattering Glass! Eric is about to get everyone in a whole world of mess. Poor Martha. She’s such a sweet girl. Oh, that conversation between Eric and his siblings, that was one of your best scenes you have every done. I don’t know why, but for some reason the way you have been writing feels almost as though we’re on the surfa…

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I seem to recall @loopylin, you said you may have a description to submit to the art challenge

To go with the Narnia Memes

@stephie

I usually get together with my cousins on Thanksgiving and have takeout Chinese food. 

Actually, that’s what I sort of had for my Thanksgiving meal this year. Rice bowls.

@ellette-giselle

I’m going to die laughing, because in a really weird way that totally fits Eric!

You mean just the quote? Or Thor as well?

@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow

Here we go!

Chapter the 21st – The Arrest

@theducktator

Thanks! Happy Columbus Day! (Do they celebrate that in Canada?)

Nope. Possibly because we’re tied to England. We do celebrate some English holidays such as Victoria Day in May.

@keilah-h

Canadian Thanksgiving is today?

Yes. Well, yesterday by now.

That’s cool! Today’s my brother’s birthday. 

Cool! Happy belated birthday to him!
<…[Read more]