Linus Smallprint

@ellette-giselle

Look, if anyone picks up the series at book two, they deserve to be confused. *shrug*

I have a friend with the same mindset. Alcatraz Smeadry will probably approve heartily!

WHAT? That doesn’t even fit with the period!!!

Like I said, my mind was in a weird place. Specifically in the place of a reader snacking on some y…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

That works! Just swap wife and son for parents.

@stephie

The one thing I’m going to criticize is what Charles says when his son is saved: 

Okay, I will see what I can do about that. Though I may put this one off for a bit. Thank you for pointing this out. I’m not the most emotional person, so sometimes I struggle with writing em…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Lol, I was wondering when you would start wanting the backstory.

This is a good opportunity to see how someone who has not read Book I can understand this book. Like it or not, some people will start to read your series with Book II, III, or IV. Remember to provide the context for these readers so that they will be able to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Okay, I updated the chapter. Let’s see what you think now.

Chapter the 22nd – The Coward

@ellette-giselle

Hmm… Stripe jumps on Tyn and is preoccupied with that fight? (Though it probably would not last longer than 2 seconds…) Rour attempts to debate with Stripe, saying his quaral is only with Alan and any who stand in the way (Which is why he arrested Martha)? He may be asking to leave peacefully with Alan and Tyn, promising to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

A week passed.

This feels a little odd right at the start of the book. I can see why you’re doing this, you’re trying to show us how over time he is adjusting, so I wouldn’t say it is a bad thing. It just feels unusual.

Joseph looked away. After a few minutes he heard Joseph’s voice in the kitchen. Sabina said something, and t…

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@ellette-giselle

YIKES! You changed your pic!

He he!

Anyhow, I don’t know why I even brought that up. I guess because it gives me recoil whenever I see it.

That’s fair. I feel the same way about ‘you do you’.

I’m trying to rework Chapter the 22nd like you suggested, but am a little stuck on what to do with Stripe. With Alan down, he would p…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Very well, continue.

@ellette-giselle

No. I only do that once…..? But I really, really needed that scene to set Sabina’s stage, and there really wasn’t another way to get that scene, because she wouldn’t have broken down like that in front of Joseph. I want to drive the point that he is not he only one hurting. She just watched her fiance die on their wedding day. Sh…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Ah, okay, not your cup of tea.

The one you shared is fine. I could see this ending up on one of my playlists. It does have emotion. I just feel like it was a bit on the dramatic side and some of the notes were a little too sharp for this scene. I asked my sister for her thoughts since she doesn’t have a load of Chrono Trigger…[Read more]

@keilah-h

One question though, how far is this in the book? Are we nearing the end, or does Alan still have some character development to do (maybe sharing this great news with his friends….?)

We are looking at about 7-10 more chapters plus an epilogue. There is one more piece of Alan’s character I still want to develop in this book. This may b…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Hello!

Book 2 time, I see. Well let’s get started on it.

Think this is a good opening. It sets a darker stage than the previous book, but you warned us. Also, how the characters act makes sense. Joseph is traumatized and Sabina is trying to be strong for him while dealing with her struggles.

So for this book, are you going…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

So yeah, just a thought.

Hmm. I like that idea and may implement it. I could see Alan going that far and it would help build up the guilt for the next chapter. Another thing I could do is that in Lyen culture, since they don’t have helmets, they try to respect opponent who don’t wear helmets as well. Alan could also aim for Tour’s…[Read more]

Also, here is a song that I feel fits the tone of the first bit of the chapter. I don’t have a song for the end though. I was listening to it to help get me in the mood for writing this chapter. (Sorry, Ellette, it’s Video Game Music)

@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow

Next chapter people!

Chapter the 23rd – The Undeserving

@ellette-giselle

Probably not, sorry.

@ellette-giselle

Interesting idea for Joseph. I may play around with it. However…. (carefully approaching this so as not to spoil anything…..) Joseph’s struggle isn’t doubting God as much as doubt himself. (NO! this is not a believe in your self story. *gag*) His greatest fear is that if it comes down to it, he will not be physically and spiritu…

[Read more]

@mineralizedwritings

Hello Min!

Sorry, I’m late to this. I’ve been sick/busy recently, but I have time today.

I’ve seen you around here on the art channels on here, but I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Well, you can call me Linus. I’m a tech school student in software development, a Sunday School teacher, and am working a part-time…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Yeah, it was in there, about a paragraph, same time you got Noah’s backstory.

Missed that. Oops.

Is that what you think…….?

Hmmmmm

No comment.

Which technically is a comment. This is just what appeared to be in your epilogue.

Okay. Book 2. Here we go.

No you’re not crazy. Honestly, I will be asking a similar question the t…[Read more]