Linus Smallprint

@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow

Next chapter! This scene was a little fun to write as it uses a new location that did not exist within my first draft.

The last bit of character I want Alan to develop may now be more apparent, Keliah.

Chapter the 24th – The Plan

@ellette-giselle

Is the musical based off of the Iliad or Odessy?

@ellette-giselle

But is that bad? Can Joseph not love the same thing as Aaron and still be Joseph? If you think it is bad, then……. idk what I’ll do. lol

No, it’s not bad. You just told me to keep a watch for if Joseph starts to feel like Aaron. This is just a place where the two of them could start to feel sort of samey.

Let’s just say that if…

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@ellette-giselle

Okay, why the uniform? Well, (as will be explained later) Adrian isn’t supposed to be here at all. He’s supposed to be in the Fort or on patrol, not messing around with civilians. So, technically he’s actually on patrol, but he was using the cloak to help hide the fact that he’s going in and out of the orphanage, and the fact th…

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@ellette-giselle

There we go, there is that Ardenta mistrust appearing. Poor Joseph. It’s completely understandable why he freaked out. I’m glad this is how you reintroduced Adrian to us instead of just having Joseph already know and accept him. It adds a little tension and some dramatic irony. It is a good way for Joseph to begin to understand…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Look, if anyone picks up the series at book two, they deserve to be confused. *shrug*

I have a friend with the same mindset. Alcatraz Smeadry will probably approve heartily!

WHAT? That doesn’t even fit with the period!!!

Like I said, my mind was in a weird place. Specifically in the place of a reader snacking on some y…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

That works! Just swap wife and son for parents.

@stephie

The one thing I’m going to criticize is what Charles says when his son is saved: 

Okay, I will see what I can do about that. Though I may put this one off for a bit. Thank you for pointing this out. I’m not the most emotional person, so sometimes I struggle with writing em…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Lol, I was wondering when you would start wanting the backstory.

This is a good opportunity to see how someone who has not read Book I can understand this book. Like it or not, some people will start to read your series with Book II, III, or IV. Remember to provide the context for these readers so that they will be able to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Okay, I updated the chapter. Let’s see what you think now.

Chapter the 22nd – The Coward

@ellette-giselle

Hmm… Stripe jumps on Tyn and is preoccupied with that fight? (Though it probably would not last longer than 2 seconds…) Rour attempts to debate with Stripe, saying his quaral is only with Alan and any who stand in the way (Which is why he arrested Martha)? He may be asking to leave peacefully with Alan and Tyn, promising to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

A week passed.

This feels a little odd right at the start of the book. I can see why you’re doing this, you’re trying to show us how over time he is adjusting, so I wouldn’t say it is a bad thing. It just feels unusual.

Joseph looked away. After a few minutes he heard Joseph’s voice in the kitchen. Sabina said something, and t…

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@ellette-giselle

YIKES! You changed your pic!

He he!

Anyhow, I don’t know why I even brought that up. I guess because it gives me recoil whenever I see it.

That’s fair. I feel the same way about ‘you do you’.

I’m trying to rework Chapter the 22nd like you suggested, but am a little stuck on what to do with Stripe. With Alan down, he would p…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Very well, continue.

@ellette-giselle

No. I only do that once…..? But I really, really needed that scene to set Sabina’s stage, and there really wasn’t another way to get that scene, because she wouldn’t have broken down like that in front of Joseph. I want to drive the point that he is not he only one hurting. She just watched her fiance die on their wedding day. Sh…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Ah, okay, not your cup of tea.

The one you shared is fine. I could see this ending up on one of my playlists. It does have emotion. I just feel like it was a bit on the dramatic side and some of the notes were a little too sharp for this scene. I asked my sister for her thoughts since she doesn’t have a load of Chrono Trigger…[Read more]

@keilah-h

One question though, how far is this in the book? Are we nearing the end, or does Alan still have some character development to do (maybe sharing this great news with his friends….?)

We are looking at about 7-10 more chapters plus an epilogue. There is one more piece of Alan’s character I still want to develop in this book. This may b…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Hello!

Book 2 time, I see. Well let’s get started on it.

Think this is a good opening. It sets a darker stage than the previous book, but you warned us. Also, how the characters act makes sense. Joseph is traumatized and Sabina is trying to be strong for him while dealing with her struggles.

So for this book, are you going…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

So yeah, just a thought.

Hmm. I like that idea and may implement it. I could see Alan going that far and it would help build up the guilt for the next chapter. Another thing I could do is that in Lyen culture, since they don’t have helmets, they try to respect opponent who don’t wear helmets as well. Alan could also aim for Tour’s…[Read more]

Also, here is a song that I feel fits the tone of the first bit of the chapter. I don’t have a song for the end though. I was listening to it to help get me in the mood for writing this chapter. (Sorry, Ellette, it’s Video Game Music)